Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a fair division of Labour ?!

225 replies

BananaHairFood · 09/02/2022 22:03

Hello you lot, I've name changed for this as I know this thread can possibly go down in flames 😂🔥 however ! I really need to pick your brains about this.

So. This is the deal. Dh works , Great income, six figure salary, not a huge amount of hours, usually home for 5, however does bring work home which he can do sat on the sofa with the tellly on in the background. That's all lovely.

Right, so I don't work , dc are in full time school so I'm pretty much 'free' during the hours of 9-3. I am responsible for all the housework/cooking dinner. To make life easier for myself, the dc are all on school dinners, breakfast weekdays is cereal or toast, so the cooking is essentially the one evening family meal. I also do all the cleaning and the laundry. I have no issue with this, I am grateful that we are very comfortable, we have a big beautiful home which is owned outright, and we dont have any financial worries or health worries whatsoever.

Dh pays for everything obviously as I don't work, this includes the dcs swimming lessons, language tuition, maths tuition, and all of my personal bills such as mobile phone bill etc. I also get a personal allowance of approx £2,500 a month. We don't call it that but its just money for me, to do what I want with basically. Also may I add, I am financially secure and have no worries about being left penniless in the event of a divorce etc.

I am very much into fitness and have a personal trainer who I train with three times a week, if I'm not doing that I'm either out with a friend having coffee/lunch, i also love reading so I tend to get through a lot of books in the bath .

All amazing so far .

So here comes the sticking point. In the evening, Say 5-8, is my busiest time with the dc, supervising tuition/helping with other subjects, language practice, cooking dinner, sorting the laundry I've put on earlier on in the day etc. we have three dc all at quite different ages so it does feel like a bit of a juggle between them and their needs. The issue for me is, I am doing most of this on my own without the help of Dh and this is what annoys me. I feel like he should be more involved with the dc and not just shut away in 'his room' enjoying the peace and quiet and doing some casual work while I'm on my feet doing it all. Don't get me wrong, he does sit and chat with the dc every day, about school etc but it's not exactly practical help if you know what I mean. Or is it fair that he gets this time because he works and I don't ? AIBU?

OP posts:
Aprilx · 09/02/2022 22:07

Well it seems like you get quite a bit of me time during the day, so it seems reasonable he should get a little bit of time in the evening. I don’t mean he shouldn’t do anything ever.

Valeriekat · 09/02/2022 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Workinghardeveryday · 09/02/2022 22:07

Personally, I think it’s fair.

He is working all day, you are lunching with friends, live a wonderful life because of him.

It’s 3 hours out of your day.

Original poster
BananaHairFood · 09/02/2022 22:12

No it's not a bloody troll ! I'm a real mnetter and have been for years ! 😂

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 09/02/2022 22:13

The division of Labour seems fair. I’d be more concerned he doesn’t want to spend that time with his children.

Chilledchablis1 · 09/02/2022 22:14

Why are you sorting laundry during this busy time when you appear to have all day to do it ?

Sexnotgender · 09/02/2022 22:15

@Chilledchablis1

Why are you sorting laundry during this busy time when you appear to have all day to do it ?
I wondered the same.
Original poster
BananaHairFood · 09/02/2022 22:17

Yes I feel like I didn't make it clear enough that he actually does spend time with the dc and they have a great bond with him. So although he does spend a lot of time in a separate room to their study/play room, they're not unwelcome where he is and pop in and out there throughout the evening and sometimes we all sit and watch something together/talk. It's just not much help on a practical level , with regards to helping with Homework or sorting out swimming kits, that kind of thing.

OP posts:
Moonface88 · 09/02/2022 22:18

This whole post feels like a massive not-so-humble brag...

Original poster
BananaHairFood · 09/02/2022 22:18

@Chilledchablis1 that is actually a very good question 😂 I actually realised this while writing the opening post 😂

OP posts:
Grumpsy · 09/02/2022 22:19

I am struggling to see why you think this isn’t fair to be honest - you have 3 hours of work a day, he has a minimum of 8

Original poster
BananaHairFood · 09/02/2022 22:19

@Moonface88 I'm sorry you feel this way but it certainly isn't. I genuinely am starting to feel a little resentful in the evenings and I'm wondering if I'm being unreasonable or if it's actually fair.

OP posts:
willithappen · 09/02/2022 22:19

Honestly, with what you are getting in return I do personally find it fair. If he is a good father and spends time with the children, is doing work in the evenings still and you are getting £2,500 personal allowance a month I think that's a good deal
Do you have any time during the 9-3 where you do stuff just for you? Or what takes up all your time then?

I don't even get £2,500 from full time work so I'm perhaps a tad jealous 😅 especially with now being on statutory mat leave lol

Ponoka7 · 09/02/2022 22:19

Usually it would be that you should both have the same lesure time. It sounds as though you are. Does he engage in family life of a weekend?

Daffyaboutdaffs · 09/02/2022 22:20
Biscuit
Original poster
BananaHairFood · 09/02/2022 22:21

@Daffyaboutdaffs thanks for the biscuit but I don't really eat them.

OP posts:
MongoOnlyPawnInGameOfLife · 09/02/2022 22:21

Seems like you have the better of this deal by quite a way, so no idea why you would feel resentful. Bit of a shame he doesn’t want to spend more time with his kids, but that’s between him and them, not you.

willithappen · 09/02/2022 22:21

Also curious what you even spend £2,500 on a month if all bills and your personal bills are handled too

InThePresenceOfWeevil · 09/02/2022 22:21

This cannot be serious?

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/02/2022 22:22

Sounds more than fair to me.

With your children at school all day, you’re “working” for far fewer hours than most people who earn £2,500 per month.

(SAHM myself, for donkey’s years)

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 09/02/2022 22:23

This has to be a wind up????

Hawkins001 · 09/02/2022 22:23

@BananaHairFood

Hello you lot, I've name changed for this as I know this thread can possibly go down in flames 😂🔥 however ! I really need to pick your brains about this.

So. This is the deal. Dh works , Great income, six figure salary, not a huge amount of hours, usually home for 5, however does bring work home which he can do sat on the sofa with the tellly on in the background. That's all lovely.

Right, so I don't work , dc are in full time school so I'm pretty much 'free' during the hours of 9-3. I am responsible for all the housework/cooking dinner. To make life easier for myself, the dc are all on school dinners, breakfast weekdays is cereal or toast, so the cooking is essentially the one evening family meal. I also do all the cleaning and the laundry. I have no issue with this, I am grateful that we are very comfortable, we have a big beautiful home which is owned outright, and we dont have any financial worries or health worries whatsoever.

Dh pays for everything obviously as I don't work, this includes the dcs swimming lessons, language tuition, maths tuition, and all of my personal bills such as mobile phone bill etc. I also get a personal allowance of approx £2,500 a month. We don't call it that but its just money for me, to do what I want with basically. Also may I add, I am financially secure and have no worries about being left penniless in the event of a divorce etc.

I am very much into fitness and have a personal trainer who I train with three times a week, if I'm not doing that I'm either out with a friend having coffee/lunch, i also love reading so I tend to get through a lot of books in the bath .

All amazing so far .

So here comes the sticking point. In the evening, Say 5-8, is my busiest time with the dc, supervising tuition/helping with other subjects, language practice, cooking dinner, sorting the laundry I've put on earlier on in the day etc. we have three dc all at quite different ages so it does feel like a bit of a juggle between them and their needs. The issue for me is, I am doing most of this on my own without the help of Dh and this is what annoys me. I feel like he should be more involved with the dc and not just shut away in 'his room' enjoying the peace and quiet and doing some casual work while I'm on my feet doing it all. Don't get me wrong, he does sit and chat with the dc every day, about school etc but it's not exactly practical help if you know what I mean. Or is it fair that he gets this time because he works and I don't ? AIBU?

As your dh I presume does that so he can focus on funding the life style you currently have, and I understand your perspectives and frustrations, what about hiring an extra person to assist you e.g. A nanny ect ?
WaystarRoycoCEO · 09/02/2022 22:23

Is this a joke? Surely you basically have the whole day to yourself and then have things to do for 3 hours in the early evening?

Presumably if your children are having language and maths tuition we're not talking about young primary age dc either?

Original poster
BananaHairFood · 09/02/2022 22:28

Thanks for all the replies so far. I've considered a nanny in the evenings but I feel that it's only roughly 3 hours in the evenings which would mean they'd hardly get any parent time.

It's not a joke or a wind up! Jesus 🔥😂

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 09/02/2022 22:28

Prepare the dinner and do the laundry earlier in the day.

You get hours and hours of free time during the week. Presumably this is your husband’s opportunity for (a lot less) free time.