Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want PIL so close

205 replies

ToocloseMIL · 01/02/2022 13:08

NC as possibly outing and don't want linked to other posts. My PIL currently live about 15-20 minutes away from us. They have recently accepted an offer on the home they've lived in for many years as are looking to downsize. The other day I asked DH about whether they had found anywhere to buy yet and he looked a bit sheepish and said he'd been 'meaning to mention' they've had an offer accepted on a house that is basically opposite us.

I feel like this is too close! I know IWBU to think I could have a say over where they live, but AIBU to feel annoyed? Or am I being mean?

OP posts:
Onlywomengivebirth · 01/02/2022 13:09

No no no no no

Santahasjoinedww · 01/02/2022 13:09

As a matter of urgency you need shutters and a guard ddog...

Chely · 01/02/2022 13:10

Oh fuck... I'd want to put my house up for sale if my PIL moved in over the road.

Tulips21 · 01/02/2022 13:12

Do they have a key to your house?
If so, change locks.
Get some blinds in windows.
When they move, also set boundaries of them ' popping over' .

I love my parents...,
I moved next door to them to save money for a deposit- The plan was 2yrs to save.
I moved within 6 months as it was too close!

Spotsandstars · 01/02/2022 13:14

This will undoubtedly end in disaster. They will have lovely expectations of seeing you all often and being involved when in reality you will feel smothered and resentful and it will end in a falling out with hurt on all sides.

Allpenguinsarepingus · 01/02/2022 13:15

That’s not fair that nobody discussed this with you. How long has your H known?

allthingsnaice · 01/02/2022 13:15

I love my PIL, we're ten minutes apart and that is close enough for me!

Our relationship definitely wouldn't be as good if they lived opposite, I couldn't cope with seeing them that often.

Is everything accepted / sorted etc with the house??

NewBrownMouse · 01/02/2022 13:17

Sorry OP I'd have to sell my house if that happened to me. Do you think DH could have a word and say it's a bit too close? Although I'm guessing if he already knew and hasn't done so then he is happy with the arrangement.

Jubaju · 01/02/2022 13:18

Yeah …. My house would be on the market before they move 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fujimora · 01/02/2022 13:18

If that were my DH I would be seriously questioning what was happening in my marriage.

If they have not yet exchanged contracts they can still pull out. Arrange a meeting for today and tell them this will not work for all the reasons given above.

If that fails you should move.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 01/02/2022 13:19

My parents live down our road, it’s really not a problem, in fact we probably annoy them more than they annoy us.!!!

cavalierkingc · 01/02/2022 13:19

Mine are next door!

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 01/02/2022 13:21

I live very close to my ILs but that was us moving to them, not the other way round (and there was a practical reason for us doing so).

They are also very considerate, don't pop round incessantly and aren't a bother at all. If they'd decided to move near us, with no discussion, I'd be annoyed.

MrsBaublesDylan · 01/02/2022 13:21

I can't believe they didn't discuss it with you first!

Sit them down (and make cowardly dh join in) and ask them what their expectations are as they age.

I would be worried about becoming a carer by default - after all, if you are going food shopping, why not get theirs?

And the bags are heavy so maybe you could carry it through to the kitchen.

And whilst your there, could you take a look at the Wi-Fi router which isn't connecting?

And could dh come over and help FiL cut the hedges.

And why not, you live just across the road, it's no bother is it?

Cuddlemuffin · 01/02/2022 13:21

I think it depends on your PIL and their expectations. Whatever they are make sure your boundaries are clear from the start. Message before coming over, no just popping in, no door key and what ever else you need to feel comfortable in your own home

SpaceOp · 01/02/2022 13:21

Personally, I'd love it if MIL lived across the road. She's quite frail and a bit helpless and being able to just zip over to help her or send DS to hold her hand so that she can walk over the road to us would be a huge help. Both my family and DH's are the kind that, logistics permitting, lots of regular contact but in small doses is preferable so if she was across the road, there'd be a constant in and out, which would be fine, but no need for endless hours and hours and hours of her sat on our couch.

My dad is considering a move to less than 5 minutes walk away from us and we're loving the idea. DS knows that if it happens he'll be stopping in regularly if grandpa ever needs a second pair of hands and I'm looking forward to being able to nip out for a quick dog walk with him or to meeting in the village for a cup of coffee.

However, if your PIL are the type who will be IN YOUR FACE, I'd be running! Grin

ForeverSingle881 · 01/02/2022 13:23

Depends on the family. I would love it.

AdultingInTheCountryside · 01/02/2022 13:29

OMFG no way that is terrible and my worst nightmare. That’s way too close, probably have done it so when they are really old you are able to look after them. I’d get moving if I was you.

Eustaciavile · 01/02/2022 13:32

The drama!!!
Unless your in laws are truly awful people (which is a subjective judgement I suppose) just be happy that your children will be close to their GPs, then get along like normal people do 🤣🤣🤣
If they pop over too much, just talk about it.

No need to sell up for goodness sake!!

DarleneSnell · 01/02/2022 13:33

Oh no, YANBU. My MIL is on about moving 5 mins away and I'm a bit gutted as she's definitely a "drop in unannounced and stay ages" type. If she was on about moving to our actual road I'd be telling my husband to put her off doing it, or we'd have to move.

You have my sympathies!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/02/2022 13:34

Please don't arrange a meeting with them.

They don't need yours or your DHs permission about where they move to. If you don't want to be so close then you can move.

This reminds me of someone who doesn't want my niece at the same school as her daughter. The person with the issue is the one who needs to make changes.

QueeniesCroft · 01/02/2022 13:34

The fact that your husband hid this from you (been meaning to mention it my arse!) tells me everything I need to know here. He knows it won't be fine for you, but it will be okay enough for him. So he didn't feel the need to intervene, and may even be looking forward to it, but he knows very well it will be miserable for you.

Did he know when they viewed the new house? When they made the offer? Or did they only tell him when the offer was accepted? How angry I was about this would depend on exactly how long he had kept this from me.

I lived with my MIL in the same house and we were very happy, but in your place I would be furious.

5foot5 · 01/02/2022 13:35

I was thinking exactly the same as *MrsBaublesDylan. How old are they? Are they lining you up to be their convenient carer in their old age? Without discussing with you first.

The fact your DH was a bit sheepish shows he knows this isn't what you would like but hasn't tge balls to say anything either to his parents or you

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/02/2022 13:35

But...YANBU to not want them to live so close. YABU if you think it's your decision.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 01/02/2022 13:36

Opposite is just the worst, you'll all be clocking every time each other go out, who's visiting etc. What the hell was your husband thinking? This needs sorting NOW and he needs to take the lead.

Swipe left for the next trending thread