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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm an early riser - DH is not - AIBU to think this is a fair compromise?

206 replies

recycledcat · 31/01/2022 21:22

Nine times out of ten I am up before 6am (just the way I'm wired I guess). I can't "go back to sleep" - believe me I have tried!

So normally I get up and deal with the usual morning stuff - feed cats, dog walk, cat litter, tidy, empty dishwasher, take (adult) DC to work/station if asked

This is not a problem - happy to do it - however DH is a total night owl. He goes to bed past midnight and will get up (eventually) at around 9am (he does work).

The issues I have is that he wakes multiple times from 5am onwards - to get a drink, go to the loo etc but still manages to go back to sleep each time

AIBU to ask that on one or two days he gets up AND stays up so he can do some of the above tasks?

My other AIBU is - how do you stay in bed when you are wide awake?! I really need tips on this

OP posts:
Hb12 · 31/01/2022 21:23

Not sure you can dictate that tbh. Perhaps leave some tasks for him to do when he gets up if it bothers you? 9 is late for most working people however.

tiredanddangerous · 31/01/2022 21:24

Yanbu to expect him to help with some of that list. Can't you leave some of it for him to do when he gets up at 9 though? Leave the dishwasher and the dog walk?

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 31/01/2022 21:25

Can’t you just leave him some of the jobs to do when he gets up? Do they all need doing at the crack of dawn?

ambushedbywine · 31/01/2022 21:25

Can’t you just leave some of the jobs for him to do?

Clymene · 31/01/2022 21:26

Most of that stuff can wait. And your adult child doesn't need a lift to the station on demand for definite!

MadeForThis · 31/01/2022 21:27

Put your feet up and have a coffee. Leave some jobs for him at 9am.

PermanentTemporary · 31/01/2022 21:27

Could you not just take a cup of tea back to bed and read a book or listen to the radio?

LadyCatStark · 31/01/2022 21:27

I one wants to get up at 5am and it’s not really necessary!

Igmum · 31/01/2022 21:27

I always find scrolling through Mumsnet is a great way of staying in bed while awake weekend mornings only of course Grin

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/01/2022 21:27

Wouldn’t a better compromise be that he does some of the tasks like the tidying and the “partner” versions of the morning tasks - last dog walk, load dishwasher, get cats in etc - before he goes to bed? Wouldn’t that create a more equal share of the load?

Bobachox · 31/01/2022 21:28

I think yabu to try to say when he should wake up. I’d just leave some tasks to him when he does such as the non time critical ones like tidying and dishwasher. Not fair you do it all.

Yuckypretty · 31/01/2022 21:28

I wouldn't change my sleeping pattern for anyone but I'd be more than happy to do my share of work.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 31/01/2022 21:29

Perhaps he could empty the dishwasher before he goes to bed?
I don't think you can ask him to get up at 5am. For most people that's still nighttime.

Puppyseahorse · 31/01/2022 21:29

Yes he should help you with those things, no you can’t tell him when to do them.

He can do things in the evening when he’s awake and you’re not.

ApolloandDaphne · 31/01/2022 21:29

My DH gets up super early and I lie much longer in the morning. We both have chores that we do in our own time. If you want your DH to do some of these things then you need to let him do them when he wants to rather than when you want him to.

Mushrooms0up · 31/01/2022 21:29

Can he not do the evening version of the tasks? Late night cat feed / dog walk / wipe down kitchen.

They don’t all need to be done first thing

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 31/01/2022 21:30

Get him to deal with the dishwasher and cat litter trays before he comes to bed. That's what DH does here - well, not the cat litter! - there are tasks he does before coming to bed late, such as tidying up, sweeping the floor, emptying the dishwasher. There are nights where he'll mop the laminate, or thoroughly clean the cooker, after 11pm because he's the only person up.

Ragwort · 31/01/2022 21:30

Does your DH pull his weight later in the day? If he is a lazy sod all day that is different but are tasks shared equally throughout the day?

I would hate someone to 'dictate' what time I got up, does he disturb you? Can you have separate bedrooms? My DH gets up earlier than I do, but we have separate rooms thank goodness.

Octomore · 31/01/2022 21:30

These jobs do not all need doing at 6am - leave some of them for him to do.

YABU about wanting him to stay up just because he gets up to go to the loo etc. If you were to wake at 3am needing the loo, you'd go back to sleep afterwards wouldn't you? That's the equivalent of what he's doing.

Therealjudgejudy · 31/01/2022 21:31

Just leave him some of those jobs to do...

MargosKaftan · 31/01/2022 21:32

Are you someone who feels the need to be busy? That is a busy sounding morning routine. Can you not just sit down for a bit and read a book or have a nice lazy breakfast? Or both? Leave the jobs for him later?

Does his lack of busyness annoy you?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/01/2022 21:32

Is him getting up multiple times from 5am waking you? If so he needs to sleep elsewhere.

He also should use time in the evening to do chores too.

TheGriffle · 31/01/2022 21:32

You don’t have to do all of those things, you choose to. You could leave some for him to do when he does get up. Just because you’re an early bird doesn’t make you better than someone who’s a night owl.

Why is him getting his allotted sleep in the morning looked down on, while you getting yours earlier in the night not?

Stompythedinosaur · 31/01/2022 21:34

YABU. No problem expecting him to do a share of the jobs, but very unreasonable to try and dictate when he does them.

How would you feel if he insisted you stayed up a few nights a week to do jobs around midnight?

It sounds a but like you think getting up early is somehow a moral victory.

Sexnotgender · 31/01/2022 21:35

Leave stuff for him! Chill, have a coffee and he can do it when he gets up.

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