I'm an early riser - DH is not - AIBU to think this is a fair compromise?

[recycledcat]

Nine times out of ten I am up before 6am (just the way I'm wired I guess). I can't "go back to sleep" - believe me I have tried!

So normally I get up and deal with the usual morning stuff - feed cats, dog walk, cat litter, tidy, empty dishwasher, take (adult) DC to work/station if asked

This is not a problem - happy to do it - however DH is a total night owl. He goes to bed past midnight and will get up (eventually) at around 9am (he does work).

The issues I have is that he wakes multiple times from 5am onwards - to get a drink, go to the loo etc but still manages to go back to sleep each time

AIBU to ask that on one or two days he gets up AND stays up so he can do some of the above tasks?

My other AIBU is - how do you stay in bed when you are wide awake?! I really need tips on this

How do you morning larks do it? I can't wake at 6:30 no matter how early I sleep - usually in bed by 10am. It is a drag every morning and I'm practically crying when splashing my face with cold water to force myself awake. Once I'm dressed I'm OK though. I'm then useless until a lot of coffee, take about an hour to fully wake.

I'm 40 and thought having kids would change it but I still have teenage sleeping habits. (Sleep till 9am on weekends)

You can ask the adult DC to feed the cats and let the dogs out a couple of days per week, they are adult after all. Otherwise one of you feed the cats and let the dog out then return to bed, fine to ask your DH to do that. Emptying the dishwasher and all the other tasks, no that can just wait.

Hi @recycledcat , I'm an early riser and my husband works a shift that finishes around 1am so sleeps in late in the mornings. I get up, have a coffee, read the news, feed the cats...and enjoy the peace and quiet to myself! When it's warmer I take my coffee into the garden and listen to the birds and just plan the rest of my day, it's lovely. I have jobs that I potter on with in the mornings, DH has things that he does when he comes home at night. It all evens out pretty much.

I do understand the wishing you could lie in part of your post, I just can't do it either 🤣 Even if we're away and I'm up until the early hours dancing I'm still up the next morning at far too early o'clock! I think it's the idea of a lie in that appeals to me tbh, the being able to chill out in my warm bed!

I think we just need to accept our differences and create a morning routine that's enjoyable for us instead of running headlong into doing stuff. I love the phrase "we're human beings not human doings", maybe try to spend some time "being"?

Do you have ADHD? Not being able to sit still isn't normal.

Dp isn't doing anything wrong, leave him alone.

Thanks all - I agree this is a "me" problem not DH - he is lovely as PP mentioned!

I will start to be more positive and thankful of the great thinks I have and how lucky I am too

@felulageller - I don't think so but I can never sit still - it's annoying to me (and others!). I need thinks to "feel right" before I can chill and relax which may make unnecessary "demands" on others.

Not too late to change mindset though - thanks all

I see you're doing a lot in your 'alone' time before he wakes. I'd think the fairest would be to expect him to do some jobs in his 'alone' time after you've gone to bed.

It wouldn't be fair if you were doing all household tasks in your time but he had his own 'fun' time.

But I do empathise as another very early riser married to a night owl.