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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge bust up over salt!!

222 replies

whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 17:48

Invited mum round for a Sunday dinner and she comes and helps me clean as I'm 30wks and I am struggling to keep on top of it.

Anyhoo I needed some salt for the beef so I went and asked OH if he would pop round to Tesco express which it literally a 1 minute drive and was greeted with a big fat NO "I don't want to" "it's only fucking salt no one wants salt" so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me.

It turned into a huge bust up he was nasty to my mum and said some horrible things, told her to walk to the shop herself. She mentioned that when her partner was here (passed away)he would just nip to the shop for her and it wasn't and issue and he told her to stay out of it and "well he isn't alive anymore is he"

He's locked him self upstairs in the room all day watching his programmes but can't nip to the shop for me.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable and whether I should just have accepted that he didn't want to go? As he seems to think that I should just accept his answer..

He went to the shop in the end and went back upstairs and locked himself in the room again!

OP posts:
Fallagain · 30/01/2022 17:49

Childish twat. What is your mother coming round to clean when you have an OH?

BowerOfBramble · 30/01/2022 17:51

Is it actually legal to have a baby with such a disgusting overgrown teenager?

I hope this isn’t normal for him. He’s having the cleaning done and dinner made for him and he can’t be arsed to lift a finger. I hope you didn’t feed him.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 30/01/2022 17:51

So what does he bring to the relationship? Keep your mum and kick him out

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/01/2022 17:52

@Fallagain

Childish twat. What is your mother coming round to clean when you have an OH?
This is what I was going to ask.

What does he do? He sounds like a sulky teenager.

Motnight · 30/01/2022 17:52

This is him warming up to how he will treat you when the baby arrives.

MooSakah · 30/01/2022 17:54

Gosh that doesn't sound great

Haus1234 · 30/01/2022 17:54

He sounds extremely unpleasant OP.

Original poster
whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 17:54

My poor mum is so upset, she is overthinking everything he said to her.

No haven't dished him any up even though mum still thinks I should! No way in hell.

I already have DD with him he was great when I was pregnant with her and he did majority of the night feeds. This time round he is awful moody nasty little fucker.

OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 30/01/2022 17:55

If my dh had EVER spoken to my mum like that I would have booted his arse out the door.
Fucking Arsehole.

Mummytobe93 · 30/01/2022 17:55

Bloody hell - has he got some sort of disorder or he’s just a twat?

I’d never be with someone who disrespects my mum. Is it normal for him to storm off upstairs over such a small thing?

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 30/01/2022 17:56

I'm guessing this isn't out of character for him. Does he usually sulk, throw horrible insults around and refuse to help people out with small favours?

This seems like one of those "tip of the iceberg" posts - the OP wants to know just judging on this one incident who is in the wrong, because there is such a catalogue of similar incidents that she has been gaslit over and can no longer tell if what she wants is reasonable or not. So she picks one single incident and makes that the make-or-break question - is this one, on its own and taking nothing else into account, reasonable or unreasonable?

OP, your DH is a dick on this one occasion. Only you can say whether this represents an alarming deviation from his normal loving disposition, or if it is indicative of a larger problem.

BowerOfBramble · 30/01/2022 17:58

@whatanightmaree

My poor mum is so upset, she is overthinking everything he said to her.

No haven't dished him any up even though mum still thinks I should! No way in hell.

I already have DD with him he was great when I was pregnant with her and he did majority of the night feeds. This time round he is awful moody nasty little fucker.

Any idea why? I’d worry he had something going on behind my back if my h had checked out of family life like this.
TheSnowyOwl · 30/01/2022 17:58

Of course YANBU. Even if he didn’t want to go to the shop, he could have been civil about it (but I think he was BU in not going anyway).

SarahSissions · 30/01/2022 17:59

Yes he over reacted, but I'm not sure it's on for your mum to compare him to her partner and what he would have done either. I think you've all overdone it to be honest.

Original poster
whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 17:59

To be honest it was nice for me to have my
Mums opinion because all our arguments are down to him and he will try and spin the blame
on me and say it's all my fault and that I am crazy. When deep down I know I am not and it's him.

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

OP posts:
emsmar · 30/01/2022 17:59

@ParkheadParadise

If my dh had EVER spoken to my mum like that I would have booted his arse out the door. Fucking Arsehole.
So would I. His arse wouldn't even touch the ground
Vavavrrooom · 30/01/2022 18:00

He didn’t want to go to the shop
so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me

Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.

ImInStealthMode · 30/01/2022 18:00

@Fallagain

Childish twat. What is your mother coming round to clean when you have an OH?

This. Is she having to come round and clean because he doesn't do anything, or - playing devils advocate - is she coming round and taking over and making him feel undermined in his own home? If it's the latter then he needs to talk about it, not strop and sulk.

(I only give the other outlook above as I dated someone whose Mum would let herself into his flat every day to clean and do his laundry, and I found it extremely intrusive for a short time I was living there, and as if she was suggesting we weren't capable)

KatharinaRosalie · 30/01/2022 18:01

You asked your mum to come over to clean while your partner is watching TV?

SarahSissions · 30/01/2022 18:02

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

I think this is more important than you original post.... errrrr what do you see in him?

Dsisproblem · 30/01/2022 18:02

He sounds horrible. Agree, why is your mum cleaning when he can do it?

TyrannosaurusRegina · 30/01/2022 18:03

@whatanightmaree

To be honest it was nice for me to have my Mums opinion because all our arguments are down to him and he will try and spin the blame on me and say it's all my fault and that I am crazy. When deep down I know I am not and it's him.

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

Then he can go and piss off and live with his mum and dad, can't he? He sounds like a nasty, petty little fucker.
grapewine · 30/01/2022 18:04

What a disrespectful, hurtful, nasty excuse for a man. I would lose my shit if someone spoke to my parents like that. What the hell?

A friend once decided it was OK to behave like a child and be disrespectful of the food my mother had cooked for us, she was from abroad and invited to their home with me. I've never been so embarrassed for anyone. I told her it was unacceptable. It was the last time she was invited to my home or theirs.

GrazingSheep · 30/01/2022 18:04

It’s difficult to see the wood for the trees sometimes. Obviously he’s not a good partner or dad.
Can you stay with your mum for a while?

HemanOrSheRa · 30/01/2022 18:06

There is no way on earth I'd tolerate my partner speaking to my Mum like that. He'd be blasted out of the front door. The thing that finished it for me with my ex husband was him being horrible about my Mum. All the shit I put up with but that was a step too far. Even he wasn't stupid (or 'brave') enough to do it to her face.