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Original poster

Huge bust up over salt!!

222 replies

whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 17:48

Invited mum round for a Sunday dinner and she comes and helps me clean as I'm 30wks and I am struggling to keep on top of it.

Anyhoo I needed some salt for the beef so I went and asked OH if he would pop round to Tesco express which it literally a 1 minute drive and was greeted with a big fat NO "I don't want to" "it's only fucking salt no one wants salt" so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me.

It turned into a huge bust up he was nasty to my mum and said some horrible things, told her to walk to the shop herself. She mentioned that when her partner was here (passed away)he would just nip to the shop for her and it wasn't and issue and he told her to stay out of it and "well he isn't alive anymore is he"

He's locked him self upstairs in the room all day watching his programmes but can't nip to the shop for me.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable and whether I should just have accepted that he didn't want to go? As he seems to think that I should just accept his answer..

He went to the shop in the end and went back upstairs and locked himself in the room again!

OP posts:
YourVagesty · 30/01/2022 18:31

He sounds deeply, deeply unpleasant. I'd throw him out OP.

Have my first 'LTB'. Honestly, life is too short for such blatant disrespect. You deserve more.

VladmirsPoutine · 30/01/2022 18:31

If my partner ever behaved like that infront of my mother it would be over there and then. No questions asked, nothing to be discussed. Finished.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/01/2022 18:32

@whatanightmaree

My mum just likes helping out and it gets her out the house and to be honest I'd rather her do it, he doesn't get it done or will give up after a bit.

I have kicked him out about 2 weeks ago but then I struggle Because I have to keep paying for taxis to take the kids the kids to school.

So all he is good for is the school run? It's not enough, is it?

"He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad."
You relationship is overSad. Sorry, but it really is. SO you need to start making decisions as to what happens now.

Cas112 · 30/01/2022 18:35

He sounds like a C*

DirtyDancing · 30/01/2022 18:35

So sad to read this, particularly as you have a child together and a baby on the way.

I am sorry but he sounds abusive towards you.

The thing you have to ask yourself is: do I want my children to grow up in a home where their father talks to me like that? I suspect you do not want your children to grow up in an abusive environment and effect their mental and personal wellbeing, as well as your own. They will hear him- over the years it will get worse and they will experience his attitude towards you.

For the sake of your children it's time to end this and get him out your home.

To be clear- nobody, but nobody has the right to talk to you like that OP.

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 30/01/2022 18:36

"Mum, why did you stay with dad when he was such a nasty selfish git of a man and you made our lives a nightmare by keep fighting/breaking up/ getting back together?!"

"Because I needed someone to do the school run"

"Ah, fair enough"

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 30/01/2022 18:37

you both

Gwenhwyfar · 30/01/2022 18:38

I think it's a bit shit to use the car just to get salt. If it's a minute's drive away he should be walking.

Gwenhwyfar · 30/01/2022 18:39

@Kuachui

i couldnt imagine asking someone to go to the shop just for salt even if close BUT he should not have spoken like that and was very rude
I was going to say I wouldn't want to go to the supermarket (corner shop OK) just for one thing, but then I realised if the one thing was wine, I'd probably go.
StillWeRise · 30/01/2022 18:40

@EmpressCixi

I would have just eaten unsalted beef and not made an ultimatum of go get salt or go hungry. It’s not critical.

I think the salt is just a symptom of a unhealthy relationship as you both talk horribly towards each other and your mother should stay out of your disagreements. How would you feel if his mum was taking his side and going on the attack against you?

Perhaps counselling would help the two of you communicate and respect each other better.

OP please ignore this post you are not 'both talking horribly to each other' and this is the exact kind of spin abusive arseholes like to put on their behaviour, ie 'you made me do/say it' of course your mum will defend you she must be really worried especially if (as it sounds) her partner was kind and respectful towards her like everyone else is saying, find a way to end this relationship, even if yu need help to do so and do not put his name on the BC
DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 30/01/2022 18:40

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

Please don’t stay with a man who openly states that he has no respect for you.

MrsToothyBitch · 30/01/2022 18:42

Why did you chuck him out? I don't think the school run alone is reason to have him back.

Also- what has changed since your Dd was born, if he was quite good then?

Either way, you don't deserve to be treated like this and neither do your children.

EmpressCixi · 30/01/2022 18:44

@StillWeRise

So telling someone they cannot eat any dinner if they won’t or can’t go to the shops at a drop of the hat, is not a horrible thing to say? And then when he does eventually go to the shops after this sinks like a lead balloon, you then say “no way in hell” can he eat even then?

Ok then, I see you think respect and being decent doesn’t have to go both ways in a relationship. So long as a MIL has arbitrated in favour of her precious offspring that means she must be right....

me4real · 30/01/2022 18:44

What a dickhead.

Saying he doesn't respect you is psychological abuse IMHO, trying to make you think you're shit. It's definitely a red line in a relationship as respect is a bare minimum.

He takes you for granted and is an arsehole. Sad

And he doesn't help you and is nasty to your mum. Sad

Please separate from him.

You didn't say anything horrible of course.

PattyPan · 30/01/2022 18:47

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

And birthing his two children isn’t enough to earn his respect? I don’t say this much but you seriously need to LTB

me4real · 30/01/2022 18:48

So telling someone they cannot eat any dinner if they won’t or can’t go to the shops at a drop of the hat, is not a horrible thing to say?

@EmpressCixi He isn't helping his wife, not even when she's 30 weeks pregnant. Most people feel a little bit of salt enhances food and would want to serve it with a meal, at least in a shaker so people have it as an option.

He just couldn't be arsed to help his pregnant wife, not even for a few minutes.

And it's how he was talking to everyone, like 'your husband's dead, so..' to his wife's mother etc. So nasty.

MrsBaublesDylan · 30/01/2022 18:49

Move your dd to a school you can both walk to and you don't need him at all.

This relationship is t going anywhere nice because he is horrible.

I'm glad he likes his Mum and Dad because he will need them once you kick him out.

Shelby2010 · 30/01/2022 18:49

How many children do you have?

StillWeRise · 30/01/2022 18:50

if I asked anyone in my family over the age of- say 10- to go and get me a vital ingredient for a meal I was cooking, that they were going to eat, there is no question that they would go and get it. I'm not their servant and they don't treat me like one. Asking someone to go to the shops is perfectly normal and if the person declined then I'd be declining to feed them.
And I agree that if it's a 1 minute drive he should be walking, lazy git

TameDucksAtChatsworth · 30/01/2022 18:50

As he's told you that he doesn't have any respect for you, please do be careful.

It may be in his mind that that is justification for treating you badly and yes, that can and often does, escalate.

Will this be your third child with him?

Greywhippet · 30/01/2022 18:51

Life’s too short. Get away from him. Find someone who respects you and who you can respect.

Sparkletastic · 30/01/2022 18:52

Lose the loser

AllAmericanGirl · 30/01/2022 18:53

How many children are there?

Blossom64265 · 30/01/2022 18:53

You are 30 weeks pregnant and he is sitting doing nothing while you clean. That right there is a problem. You don’t even need to get into asking your mother for help or asking him to run one small errand and it sets him off.

You don’t have to do anything today, but do you really want your children thinking this is an acceptable way to treat a female partner and the mother of your children?

Pat123dev · 30/01/2022 18:54

At first reading this I was thinking....maybe something major is up, but reading your further comments, I'm not sure that any of his behaviour is tolerable at all.

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