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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge bust up over salt!!

222 replies

whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 17:48

Invited mum round for a Sunday dinner and she comes and helps me clean as I'm 30wks and I am struggling to keep on top of it.

Anyhoo I needed some salt for the beef so I went and asked OH if he would pop round to Tesco express which it literally a 1 minute drive and was greeted with a big fat NO "I don't want to" "it's only fucking salt no one wants salt" so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me.

It turned into a huge bust up he was nasty to my mum and said some horrible things, told her to walk to the shop herself. She mentioned that when her partner was here (passed away)he would just nip to the shop for her and it wasn't and issue and he told her to stay out of it and "well he isn't alive anymore is he"

He's locked him self upstairs in the room all day watching his programmes but can't nip to the shop for me.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable and whether I should just have accepted that he didn't want to go? As he seems to think that I should just accept his answer..

He went to the shop in the end and went back upstairs and locked himself in the room again!

OP posts:
SamMil · 30/01/2022 18:07

He sounds awful. I would be asking him to leave.

MrsToothyBitch · 30/01/2022 18:07

I think you know this behaviour is not ok, OP. It's not just about the salt.

The comment about not respecting you is appalling- and your children will grow up watching him treat you this way.

LandGirlJudy · 30/01/2022 18:08

@Mummytobe93

Bloody hell - has he got some sort of disorder or he’s just a twat?

I’d never be with someone who disrespects my mum. Is it normal for him to storm off upstairs over such a small thing?

I don't think it's very helpful to suggest being an absolute nasty dick goes hand in hand with having "some sort of disorder" Hmm

I wouldn't be able to put up with this behaviour OP. It can't be good for your stress levels while you're pregnant and I would have to ask him to move out for a bit

grapewine · 30/01/2022 18:09

Your update is not helping. He's nasty. Send the fucker back to his parents.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/01/2022 18:09

It's astonishing that you haven't kicked this man out already.

girafferafferaffe · 30/01/2022 18:09

@whatanightmaree

To be honest it was nice for me to have my Mums opinion because all our arguments are down to him and he will try and spin the blame on me and say it's all my fault and that I am crazy. When deep down I know I am not and it's him.

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

Well he can fuck right off and live with them then, can't he!!
PinkSyCo · 30/01/2022 18:09

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

How lovely of him to tell you this when you’re heavily pregnant with his second child. Seriously he sounds unbelievably cruel, immature, emotionally abusive and lazy and if anyone disrespected my mum like he did yours-ESPECIALLY when she was there doing chores that HE should have been doing-he’d be out the fucking door.

Suzanne999 · 30/01/2022 18:09

Well, no sweets or comics for him for a fortnight.
He sounds about 10, totally childish. And very ill mannered to boot.

Gilly12345 · 30/01/2022 18:11

He is a poor excuse of a man.

Can you stay with your Mum and think about your future with him?

Original poster
whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 18:11

My mum just likes helping out and it gets her out the house and to be honest I'd rather her do it, he doesn't get it done or will give up after a bit.

I have kicked him out about 2 weeks ago but then I struggle Because I have to keep paying for taxis to take the kids the kids to school.

OP posts:
Classicblunder · 30/01/2022 18:13

@KatharinaRosalie

You asked your mum to come over to clean while your partner is watching TV?
Agree this is the thing that jumped out at me.
MondayYogurt · 30/01/2022 18:14

the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

Then he can go back and live with them.

IBloodyLoveMichaelJackson · 30/01/2022 18:14

@ParkheadParadise

If my dh had EVER spoken to my mum like that I would have booted his arse out the door. Fucking Arsehole.
Snap!!! Disrespecting me would be one thing. If anyone hurt my Mum they'd be fucking gone!
Soubriquet · 30/01/2022 18:15

What has changed to make him behave like this?

You said in a previous pregnancy he was fab. So what’s changed so much that he’s now a complete dick)

Justwingingit2005 · 30/01/2022 18:18

My mates husband went like this..... he had checked out of the family, had been having a affair.
She thought she was going mad and was questioning her life. Turns out he had been seeing someone at work.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 30/01/2022 18:19

Kick him out.
Apply for child maintenance and universal credit and everything else.
Instead of cleaning house, clean out his possessions, put them in bin bags and put them outside.
Do not give the new baby his name.

MrsHGWells · 30/01/2022 18:19

OP - get rid ! Do not suffer a 2yr tantrum from a jerk and cocklodger like him.
You and you mum need not be treated like that. Shameless!!

If I needed anything … salt, milk, butter - whatever for a meal - my DH would happily oblige - enjoy the walk 5-10 mins or more.. and be back.

EmpressCixi · 30/01/2022 18:20

I would have just eaten unsalted beef and not made an ultimatum of go get salt or go hungry. It’s not critical.

I think the salt is just a symptom of a unhealthy relationship as you both talk horribly towards each other and your mother should stay out of your disagreements. How would you feel if his mum was taking his side and going on the attack against you?

Perhaps counselling would help the two of you communicate and respect each other better.

felulageller · 30/01/2022 18:23

Dont stay with an abuser for school taxi reasons.

Contact the school and ask if they have support workers who can help with school runs for those in crises.

Could your mum do it? Or a friend/ neighbour?

If you are struggling to walk at all are you getting enough help from the midwife? Do you have SPD?

He doesn't love you and his next step is to hit you/ push you/ throw something at you.

Get out before the DC's see this and before the baby is born.

WonderfulYou · 30/01/2022 18:23

I have kicked him out about 2 weeks ago but then I struggle Because I have to keep paying for taxis to take the kids the kids to school.

Why did you kick him out 2 weeks ago?

This relationship doesn’t work obviously.
So how long are you going to let your DD think that this is what a relationship is meant to look like?

PinkSyCo · 30/01/2022 18:24

I have kicked him out about 2 weeks ago but then I struggle Because I have to keep paying for taxis to take the kids the kids to school.

You can’t stay with someone for that reason alone! That’s unfair on everyone. Get a bus, walk, ask family/ friends to help out.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 18:25

@Vavavrrooom

He didn’t want to go to the shop so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me

Sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.

He sounds like a nightmare, but I'm not sure a tit for tat approach is great either.

You say you struggle because you have to pay for taxis for the kids, what do they need taxis for? Are they his kids?

Nothing about this relationship is good.

PinkSyCo · 30/01/2022 18:26

He doesn't love you and his next step is to hit you/ push you/ throw something at you.

Really?

VioletOcean · 30/01/2022 18:30

What’s else has been happening over the past few weeks? Sounds like this was the straw that broke the camels back

Kuachui · 30/01/2022 18:31

i couldnt imagine asking someone to go to the shop just for salt even if close BUT he should not have spoken like that and was very rude

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