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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge bust up over salt!!

222 replies

whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 17:48

Invited mum round for a Sunday dinner and she comes and helps me clean as I'm 30wks and I am struggling to keep on top of it.

Anyhoo I needed some salt for the beef so I went and asked OH if he would pop round to Tesco express which it literally a 1 minute drive and was greeted with a big fat NO "I don't want to" "it's only fucking salt no one wants salt" so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me.

It turned into a huge bust up he was nasty to my mum and said some horrible things, told her to walk to the shop herself. She mentioned that when her partner was here (passed away)he would just nip to the shop for her and it wasn't and issue and he told her to stay out of it and "well he isn't alive anymore is he"

He's locked him self upstairs in the room all day watching his programmes but can't nip to the shop for me.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable and whether I should just have accepted that he didn't want to go? As he seems to think that I should just accept his answer..

He went to the shop in the end and went back upstairs and locked himself in the room again!

OP posts:
MrsLighthouse · 30/01/2022 19:57

Yeah…this is not over salt.
He sounds like dick and is not going to be any less dick like when the baby comes .
Totally side with your mum .
She’ll be there when his immature arse decides being a dad isn’t a picnic and pisses off.
Good luck .

phishy · 30/01/2022 19:58

Don’t stay with him for school run help. Dump him. Is tyere any help available?

CornishTiger · 30/01/2022 20:01

Put in a formal application for the closest school and if refused go on the official waiting list ( applying next September isn’t necessary- just stay on the waiting list)

Get your ducks in order to kick him out properly. You deserve better

CannelloniMacaroni · 30/01/2022 20:02

@ParkheadParadise

If my dh had EVER spoken to my mum like that I would have booted his arse out the door. Fucking Arsehole.
This.
MarbleQueen · 30/01/2022 20:02

Are you ill op? I don’t understand why you’re struggling with the school runs.

I don’t think it’s positive that your mum is coming round and skivvying for him. The solution to a lazy man is not to recruit a woman to do free labour for him.

CornishTiger · 30/01/2022 20:06

The OP has SPD. It’s pretty hard to move around and the school run for me was hell!

SofiaSoFar · 30/01/2022 20:09

How many children are there, OP?

The fact he's gone part time to fart about with Crypto and NFTs isn't the sign of a responsible person contributing to keeping a family, never mind the way he's treating you.

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 30/01/2022 20:11

Wow you sound as bad as each other and your mother should not have got involved however he should not have said that to her

Aprilx · 30/01/2022 20:12

None of you are coming out well in this.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 20:14

@Aprilx

None of you are coming out well in this.
I agree. And meanwhile there's how many DC present while the adults in their lives are kicking off.
YukoandHiro · 30/01/2022 20:15

If he says he does respect you you need to make plans to leave him. Imagine how damaged your children will be by thinking that the way he thinks of you or normal in a relationship.
You deserve better OP. And so do your kids.

DreamTheMoors · 30/01/2022 20:16

@whatanightmaree

My mum coming over to clean is more of a thing she like to do as she it gives her a reason to get out the house and I was needing the help but yes if OH was a better partner she wouldn't need to.

My mum doesn't drive and I haven't been too well so I have relied on him to help with school runs it would be tough otherwise. I did contact the school round the corner but they are full up now and said to apply in September so that isn't an option. If I wasn't pregnant I'd be ok getting buses everywhere, but the standing up and walking to the bus stops that aren't very close is too much.

He still thinks he is in the right so I won't be speaking to him at all. I've been on my feet all day and he's still lying in bed.

@whatanightmaree

I’ve really nothing to add, except your OH sounds like he’s 13, sulking in bed.
And your not speaking to him isn’t much better.

My only advice would be to move OH out, move mum in, and do it quickly.

boringcreation · 30/01/2022 20:22

@PinkSyCo

He doesn't love you and his next step is to hit you/ push you/ throw something at you.

Really?

Pure MumsNet BS
Xds1453 · 30/01/2022 20:25

I’d go and live with your mum?

WonderfulYou · 30/01/2022 20:25

I agree. And meanwhile there's how many DC present while the adults in their lives are kicking off.

I agree.
Its no wonder the mum comes around to ‘help clean’ even though she’s insulted when she does.
She’s probably concerned about the poor kids in the middle of it all.

Imissmoominmama · 30/01/2022 20:27

@LoisLane66- spectacularly unhelpful.

TheHateIsNotGood · 30/01/2022 20:30

Please don't spill any milk.
Next time, just say you need some salt and you're going to the shop (1min away) to get some "unless anyone else will get it as you're cooking".

If you're met with silence then state "great, so no washing up for me then".

I bet your DH was hiding from your Mum, resolutely cleaning away as you concentrated on cooking....it's exhausting just thinking about the unfulfilled 'expectations' and resulting 'tensions'......

OkPedro · 30/01/2022 20:30

Wow Lois lane a real life superwoman has joined the thread to tell the op she's doing it all wrong 🙄

Morechocmorechoc · 30/01/2022 20:30

Is there a possibility if he is into nft and crypto that he is moody as he has lost a load of money and not told you. The fluctuations have been huge. Look at bitcoin up at 50k down to 35k it's all over the place. Moodiness can easily stem from inner anger from something like this.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 30/01/2022 20:34

@LoisLane66

30 weeks and you can't walk to the shop yourself? 1 minute in the car or 6 minute walking? My ex worked offshore and was absent for much of the time when I was pregnant including 4 out of 5 births. Mum lived over 200 miles away and I did it all myself including looking after the other 4 later on the same day as giving birth to the 5th in hospital. A friend looked after them until I came home and I drove myself home and cooked dinner. .because I could. We had a lovely evening and I went to bed at the same time as the children. Salt? Haha. Get over it.
This is nothing like OP's situation.

Also, just because you could doesn't mean everybody else can. Or should.

HelloPanda12 · 30/01/2022 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HikingforScenery · 30/01/2022 20:37

@LoisLane66

30 weeks and you can't walk to the shop yourself? 1 minute in the car or 6 minute walking? My ex worked offshore and was absent for much of the time when I was pregnant including 4 out of 5 births. Mum lived over 200 miles away and I did it all myself including looking after the other 4 later on the same day as giving birth to the 5th in hospital. A friend looked after them until I came home and I drove myself home and cooked dinner. .because I could. We had a lovely evening and I went to bed at the same time as the children. Salt? Haha. Get over it.
Did you have painful SPD like OP?
Rosebel · 30/01/2022 20:43

Your husband is fucking nasty. I'm actually baffled why you are having a baby with him. Kick him out again and ask your mum to stay with you.
You and your kids deserve better than this. He doesn't respect you, only his parents so tell him to go live with them. If you get your mum to stay I'm sure she'll help you.

SecretaryOfNagriculture · 30/01/2022 20:45

@whatanightmaree

To be honest it was nice for me to have my Mums opinion because all our arguments are down to him and he will try and spin the blame on me and say it's all my fault and that I am crazy. When deep down I know I am not and it's him.

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

Tell him to pack his bags and fuck off back to mummy and daddys home then.
T00Ts · 30/01/2022 20:47

@LoisLane66

30 weeks and you can't walk to the shop yourself? 1 minute in the car or 6 minute walking? My ex worked offshore and was absent for much of the time when I was pregnant including 4 out of 5 births. Mum lived over 200 miles away and I did it all myself including looking after the other 4 later on the same day as giving birth to the 5th in hospital. A friend looked after them until I came home and I drove myself home and cooked dinner. .because I could. We had a lovely evening and I went to bed at the same time as the children. Salt? Haha. Get over it.
“Why can’t you cope, OP? When I was pregnant with quadruplets (my 11-14th children - single parent) I would go out at 4am to fell trees. On my way home (dragging the tree) I’d kill a stag by hand and be home by 5:45am (dragging the tree and the dead stag). I’d butcher the stag and cut the tree into timber and have fires lit and stag steak booking for breakfast by 6:25am for my 10 perfectly behaved children. Full of steak, we’d all hike 17 miles to school and I’d hike back by 8:20am, when I’d be at my desk ready to start work. I’m the CEO of a huge multinational that I started as a hobby. Why can’t you cope, OP? Hmm”

Ignore the absolute nonsense like this OP, and laugh at them.