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AIBU?

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Original poster

Huge bust up over salt!!

222 replies

whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 17:48

Invited mum round for a Sunday dinner and she comes and helps me clean as I'm 30wks and I am struggling to keep on top of it.

Anyhoo I needed some salt for the beef so I went and asked OH if he would pop round to Tesco express which it literally a 1 minute drive and was greeted with a big fat NO "I don't want to" "it's only fucking salt no one wants salt" so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me.

It turned into a huge bust up he was nasty to my mum and said some horrible things, told her to walk to the shop herself. She mentioned that when her partner was here (passed away)he would just nip to the shop for her and it wasn't and issue and he told her to stay out of it and "well he isn't alive anymore is he"

He's locked him self upstairs in the room all day watching his programmes but can't nip to the shop for me.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable and whether I should just have accepted that he didn't want to go? As he seems to think that I should just accept his answer..

He went to the shop in the end and went back upstairs and locked himself in the room again!

OP posts:
Emanchego · 30/01/2022 22:14

The only reason to keep this twat around is if he gives you lots of money.

FirstTimeMum6666 · 30/01/2022 22:16

Becareful normally when men change like this it's because he has another a lady in his mind.

Topseyt · 30/01/2022 22:24

I would simply never be able to forgive any partner who spoke to my mother in anything approaching that way. They would be out of the door on their arse, with my boot firmly up it.

Listen to this arsewipe when he says he doesn't respect you. Because he is telling you the truth and he won't change. Despatch him back to his mummy and daddy and this time don't have him back.

GlitterWitch · 30/01/2022 22:27

@whatanightmaree

To be honest it was nice for me to have my Mums opinion because all our arguments are down to him and he will try and spin the blame on me and say it's all my fault and that I am crazy. When deep down I know I am not and it's him.

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

That sounds like gaslighting to me. What a horrible arse making you and your mum feel that way. If he was my husband he would be gone.
Sprucewillis · 30/01/2022 22:30

@LoisLane66

30 weeks and you can't walk to the shop yourself? 1 minute in the car or 6 minute walking? My ex worked offshore and was absent for much of the time when I was pregnant including 4 out of 5 births. Mum lived over 200 miles away and I did it all myself including looking after the other 4 later on the same day as giving birth to the 5th in hospital. A friend looked after them until I came home and I drove myself home and cooked dinner. .because I could. We had a lovely evening and I went to bed at the same time as the children. Salt? Haha. Get over it.
Well done for enabling an able bodied lazy arse man for doing nothing all day. Of course she could go to the shop, that's not the point, why the fuck should she?

Can't tell if you are just showing off or standing up for the rights of the downright bovine OH on this post.

DePfeffoff · 30/01/2022 22:38

Is the school more than 2 miles away? You might qualify for school transport from the council.

mathanxiety · 30/01/2022 22:39

He should have been the one cleaning, not your mother.

You are dealing with a selfish man child who needs to be kept a lot busier.

mathanxiety · 30/01/2022 22:42

And the comment about respect being earned not given runs both ways, doesn't it?

Tell him he has clearly got a lot of growing up to do and he needs to fuck off back to his beloved parents.

They brought him up. They should enjoy the privilege of hosting him for the foreseeable.

whynotwhatknot · 30/01/2022 22:43

hes no repsect for you he actually said it

that would be the end for me

Jtb5790 · 30/01/2022 22:44

Sounds like a bellend.

PriamFarrl · 30/01/2022 22:48

It’s not about the salt.
It’s about the lack of respect.

You know it’s over, you said so. Don’t prolong it.

marpelier · 30/01/2022 22:58

Still can't work out how many children Op, and if they are all his. He sounds awful, your mum sounds lovely - but getting in the middle of marital fights never ends well. I would also be surprised if there isn't some kind of buspass programme to your school for your older children.

Veggielove84 · 30/01/2022 22:58

Please end this relationship. Its the safest thing to do.

WonderfulYou · 30/01/2022 23:04

The only reason to keep this twat around is if he gives you lots of money.

No it’s not.

Hightemp · 30/01/2022 23:10

@LoisLane66

30 weeks and you can't walk to the shop yourself? 1 minute in the car or 6 minute walking? My ex worked offshore and was absent for much of the time when I was pregnant including 4 out of 5 births. Mum lived over 200 miles away and I did it all myself including looking after the other 4 later on the same day as giving birth to the 5th in hospital. A friend looked after them until I came home and I drove myself home and cooked dinner. .because I could. We had a lovely evening and I went to bed at the same time as the children. Salt? Haha. Get over it.
LoisLane66…well bully for you !
AutomaticMoon · 30/01/2022 23:36

@KatharinaRosalie

You asked your mum to come over to clean while your partner is watching TV?
Hmm The OP is entitled to ask for help from someone who will actually help her.
AllyBama · 30/01/2022 23:49

I’m confused as to why you think you need him around for the last 9 weeks of your pregnancy? He seems like he’s a completely useless shit now. He’s rude to you, rude to your mother, he’s told you that he doesn’t respect you, he won’t help you clean, he won’t go to the shop for you.

So why are you keeping him around? For a taxi service? That’s a genuinely terrible reason to stay together. Raise your bar and throw him out for good.

AutomaticMoon · 31/01/2022 00:46

@KurtWilde

I'm just wondering how many posters on here would tell their partner if they didn't go for salt they wouldn't get any dinner!
Hmm You missed the part where the partner is treating OP like utter garbage. Not eating dinner would be the least if it, from me.

I think incels might have infiltrated Mumsnet. Otherwise, some of these comments are bizarre.

AutomaticMoon · 31/01/2022 00:51

@Cleanbedlinen12 ‘Ah, but did you have salt for the steak? You could have nipped down to the salt mines or to the sea, but you couldn't be arsed, you lazy cow’

😂 I don’t get some of nasty these comments gaslighting OP, I think it’s incel trolls?!

KurtWilde · 31/01/2022 09:06

@AutomaticMoon wtf?? Someone has a different take on the situation and they're an incel? I can assure you I've been on these boards forever and I'm a woman, thanks. I just happen to think women can be equally as toxic as men. OP needs to end it but she won't because she needs him to be a tax service. Yeah that's a loving relationship alright Confused

And this relationship is toxic on both sides, with kids stuck in the middle of it.

KurtWilde · 31/01/2022 09:07

*taxi service

Original poster
whatanightmaree · 31/01/2022 09:31

@KurtWilde you make it sound so easy just to walk away from a marriage especially when I am heavily pregnant with little to no help and two DC's. Please tell me what I should do and I'll do it!

OP posts:
KurtWilde · 31/01/2022 09:36

[quote whatanightmaree]@KurtWilde you make it sound so easy just to walk away from a marriage especially when I am heavily pregnant with little to no help and two DC's. Please tell me what I should do and I'll do it![/quote]
I left my abusive ex with the clothes on my back and just a few belonging for my kids. THAT'S how much I wanted us to get away from him. Youngest was just a tot at the time. It was HARD. But it was worth it. Please remember we're all just randoms on the Internet, just as we have no real idea of your situation, you have no real idea of ours.

IntermittentParps · 31/01/2022 09:48

@AllyBama

I’m confused as to why you think you need him around for the last 9 weeks of your pregnancy? He seems like he’s a completely useless shit now. He’s rude to you, rude to your mother, he’s told you that he doesn’t respect you, he won’t help you clean, he won’t go to the shop for you.

So why are you keeping him around? For a taxi service? That’s a genuinely terrible reason to stay together. Raise your bar and throw him out for good.

I agree. If my DP told me he didn't respect me he would also be told he could no longer live with me and get cooked for, laundry done etc (although he DOES do his share, I hasten to add).

Ask your mum for support. This man is no good.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 31/01/2022 10:07

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad.

Whereas the people who raised this hideous excuse for a human being would command, in me, no kind of respect at all.

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