Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge bust up over salt!!

222 replies

whatanightmaree · 30/01/2022 17:48

Invited mum round for a Sunday dinner and she comes and helps me clean as I'm 30wks and I am struggling to keep on top of it.

Anyhoo I needed some salt for the beef so I went and asked OH if he would pop round to Tesco express which it literally a 1 minute drive and was greeted with a big fat NO "I don't want to" "it's only fucking salt no one wants salt" so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me.

It turned into a huge bust up he was nasty to my mum and said some horrible things, told her to walk to the shop herself. She mentioned that when her partner was here (passed away)he would just nip to the shop for her and it wasn't and issue and he told her to stay out of it and "well he isn't alive anymore is he"

He's locked him self upstairs in the room all day watching his programmes but can't nip to the shop for me.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable and whether I should just have accepted that he didn't want to go? As he seems to think that I should just accept his answer..

He went to the shop in the end and went back upstairs and locked himself in the room again!

OP posts:
FooKingDong · 30/01/2022 20:49

@LoisLane66 Because I could is the phrase from your own post which you should bear in mind.

There are various things I didn't do while pregnant or post-natally (including the one where the baby and I nearly died, though perhaps I should have walked home after that one), because I couldn't.

We are all different, and our experiences are all different.

AutomaticMoon · 30/01/2022 20:52

‘Nobody wants salt’ - that’s a pretty stupid thing to say anyway, doesn’t he know the fairy tale about the Princess and the Salt? In my country of origin we had a fairy tale but searching now, it seems it was stolen from a Shakespeare poem?!

sites.pitt.edu/~dash/salt.html

(Completely misses point of thread)

SecretaryOfNagriculture · 30/01/2022 21:02

@LoisLane66

30 weeks and you can't walk to the shop yourself? 1 minute in the car or 6 minute walking? My ex worked offshore and was absent for much of the time when I was pregnant including 4 out of 5 births. Mum lived over 200 miles away and I did it all myself including looking after the other 4 later on the same day as giving birth to the 5th in hospital. A friend looked after them until I came home and I drove myself home and cooked dinner. .because I could. We had a lovely evening and I went to bed at the same time as the children. Salt? Haha. Get over it.
Did you mean to be so rude?
T00Ts · 30/01/2022 21:03

I’ll join you in missing the point @AutomaticMoon. An unsalted slab of beef is pretty much inedible. The OP was just being a good cook.

Hyenaormeercat · 30/01/2022 21:08

I was going to say there must be a reason behind the change. People dont change that much without an underlying reason. If he was so good first pregnancy what has changed?

Does he resent your mum being round so much?

If it was his mum round cleaning would you be happy?

But saying he doesnt respect you? That is the issue, not who gets salt.

CaMePlaitPas · 30/01/2022 21:15

Gosh OP, I'm sorry to hear you're married to your teenaged son. How bloody unattractive, what a dickhead.

ChardonnaysPetDragon · 30/01/2022 21:20

“Why can’t you cope, OP? When I was pregnant with quadruplets (my 11-14th children - single parent) I would go out at 4am to fell trees. On my way home (dragging the tree) I’d kill a stag by hand and be home by 5:45am (dragging the tree and the dead stag). I’d butcher the stag and cut the tree into timber and have fires lit and stag steak booking for breakfast by 6:25am for my 10 perfectly behaved children. Full of steak, we’d all hike 17 miles to school and I’d hike back by 8:20am, when I’d be at my desk ready to start work. I’m the CEO of a huge multinational that I started as a hobby. Why can’t you cope, OP? hmm”

Ah, but did you have salt for the steak? You could have nipped down to the salt mines or to the sea, but you couldn't be arsed, you lazy cow.

YourWinter · 30/01/2022 21:24

OP your daughter, and the child you are expecting, will see and hear how you and their father treat each other... how he speaks to their grandmother, how he speaks about her. They will see and hear the complete lack of manners, respect and kindness. And your children pick up the message that you tolerate that treatment.

Imagine in 20 or 30 years, you are the grandmother and your daughter's partner speaks to you so disgracefully, what will you say to her? Will you encourage her to stay with him? Will you be proud of the lessons she had from you?

You and your children are worth so much more than this.

PasswordEarth · 30/01/2022 21:28

I can’t get over your mum having to come round to help clean…..

peachesarenom · 30/01/2022 21:28

I can't imagine my husband complaining about having to nip out for salt! Also speaking to my mum like that. YANBU! He's weird.

PinkSyCo · 30/01/2022 21:29

I’d go and live with your mum?

Erm does OP’s poor mum not get a say in this?

Hawkins001 · 30/01/2022 21:31

@whatanightmaree

Invited mum round for a Sunday dinner and she comes and helps me clean as I'm 30wks and I am struggling to keep on top of it.

Anyhoo I needed some salt for the beef so I went and asked OH if he would pop round to Tesco express which it literally a 1 minute drive and was greeted with a big fat NO "I don't want to" "it's only fucking salt no one wants salt" so I said well don't eat the dinner then if you can't do something so simple for me.

It turned into a huge bust up he was nasty to my mum and said some horrible things, told her to walk to the shop herself. She mentioned that when her partner was here (passed away)he would just nip to the shop for her and it wasn't and issue and he told her to stay out of it and "well he isn't alive anymore is he"

He's locked him self upstairs in the room all day watching his programmes but can't nip to the shop for me.

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable and whether I should just have accepted that he didn't want to go? As he seems to think that I should just accept his answer..

He went to the shop in the end and went back upstairs and locked himself in the room again!

Seems very odd behaviour, personally have you considered splitting op, ?
T00Ts · 30/01/2022 21:31

Ah, but did you have salt for the steak? You could have nipped down to the salt mines or to the sea, but you couldn't be arsed, you lazy cow

“Of course I didn’t have salt. Does the OP have no consideration for her arteries? Salt are the dried tears of Satan. Unbelievable.”

fuckyourpronouns · 30/01/2022 21:31

I would be absolutely livid if my husband spoke to my mum like that and I'd have torn him a new arsehole.

He's a dick for not going to the shop, but he's absolute knob jockey for being so mean to your mum. That would be really really unacceptable for me

PinkSyCo · 30/01/2022 21:33

Seems very odd behaviour, personally have you considered splitting op, ?

She can’t because she needs him to take the kids to school.

MyCatStaresAtMe · 30/01/2022 21:34

Usually a locked door has porn and/or masturbation going on behind it.

Thatsplentyjack · 30/01/2022 21:36

@LoisLane66

30 weeks and you can't walk to the shop yourself? 1 minute in the car or 6 minute walking? My ex worked offshore and was absent for much of the time when I was pregnant including 4 out of 5 births. Mum lived over 200 miles away and I did it all myself including looking after the other 4 later on the same day as giving birth to the 5th in hospital. A friend looked after them until I came home and I drove myself home and cooked dinner. .because I could. We had a lovely evening and I went to bed at the same time as the children. Salt? Haha. Get over it.
And you sound very bitter about all of that. Sorry your partner is absent most of the time. Its not a race to the bottom.
NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 30/01/2022 21:38

@loislane66

When i was 30 weeks pregnant I had severe pain in my lower back and bottom and couldn't walk properly as the baby was pressing on my spine.
I crawled up the stairs and needed help to get out of bed.
In short, pregnancy is not easy on everyone. Get your head out of your rear and don't assume everyone is just as capable because you were lucky with yours. Biscuit

MarshmallowsOnToast · 30/01/2022 21:39

@Morechocmorechoc

Is there a possibility if he is into nft and crypto that he is moody as he has lost a load of money and not told you. The fluctuations have been huge. Look at bitcoin up at 50k down to 35k it's all over the place. Moodiness can easily stem from inner anger from something like this.
Was thinking the exact same thing..
JugglingJanuary · 30/01/2022 21:48

@whatanightmaree

My mum just likes helping out and it gets her out the house and to be honest I'd rather her do it, he doesn't get it done or will give up after a bit.

I have kicked him out about 2 weeks ago but then I struggle Because I have to keep paying for taxis to take the kids the kids to school.

Walk? Bus? school friend? Ask a taxi for a set weekly rate.

If he spoke to my mum like that, especially saying 'well he's not alive is he'. His feet would not touch the floor. No fucking way.

Given your Mum still wanted to plate up his dinner, you clearly haven't been brought up with great boundaries. (I wasn't either, but I'm the product of growing up in the 70's!!)

He's not a good partner at all, last week he told me that he doesn't have any respect for me and that respect is earnt not given and the only people he respects are his mum and dad

You'll find people will help, you're FAR better off parenting on your own than living with this Douche Bag.

CorsicaDreaming · 30/01/2022 21:50

Do you think he could be depressed, OP?

Given he was good before with your first child - and it's now January so worst time of year for MH and SAD, it just crossed my mind

Not that it excuses all he has said to you or your Mum - or lack of support of just popping out for five mins to get the salt at all.

But if there's a reason he could get help with it - see GP, etc.

saleorbouy · 30/01/2022 21:55

I didn't think you could marry teenagers, locking himself in the bedroom, what age is he? Hopefully he'll his moods will subdue once his hormones are settled and he becomes adult!

Livpool · 30/01/2022 21:57

@LoisLane66 - are you Lois Lane or Supergirl?!

Just because you did it (because you had to btw) doesn't need OP or anyone else should or can. I had severe HG when I was pregnant- guess I should have discharged myself from hospital and ran a marathon.

OP - dump this complete loser

Sprucewillis · 30/01/2022 21:58

He's only going to get worse. Look after yourself OP get organised for when you aren't feeling so vulnerable. Glad you've got your DM for support Thanks

Cleanbedlinen12 · 30/01/2022 22:10

*Why can’t you cope, OP? When I was pregnant with quadruplets (my 11-14th children - single parent) I would go out at 4am to fell trees. On my way home (dragging the tree) I’d kill a stag by hand and be home by 5:45am (dragging the tree and the dead stag). I’d butcher the stag and cut the tree into timber and have fires lit and stag steak booking for breakfast by 6:25am for my 10 perfectly behaved children. Full of steak, we’d all hike 17 miles to school and I’d hike back by 8:20am, when I’d be at my desk ready to start work. I’m the CEO of a huge multinational that I started as a hobby. Why can’t you cope, OP? hmm”

Ah, but did you have salt for the steak? You could have nipped down to the salt mines or to the sea, but you couldn't be arsed, you lazy cow

“Of course I didn’t have salt. Does the OP have no consideration for her arteries? Salt are the dried tears of Satan. Unbelievable.*”

🤣genius!