To ask when you're treated differently

[buddylicious]

Another post has made me think about this ...

Do you still encounter situations when men and women are treated differently? A couple of examples are:

1. I went to buy a new car and my husband came with me. I told the salesman it was for me yet he literally just spoke to my husband about the car. (This was a few years ago. I should have said something. I would now).

1. The man is automatically given the restaurant bill. (My brother has told me that years ago, when eating in good restaurants, they would give the men and women two different menus, ie the man's had prices on and the women's didn't)!!!

My male colleagues will often look to the women to write notes during a meeting or be the person who writes and collects all the post it notes in a facilitation session. Because "you're better at it" - time for some practice then, don't you think? I had to sit and ignore the nudging of a Sharpie towards me for half an hour last week.

On flights it’s “Hello Sir”, Madame’s obviously wearing her invisibility cloak.

I order a pint & a soft drink, they always give him the pint.

Where’s your boss?

Years ago when buying household goods the salesman would give the woman the BS, then look at the man for the price.

I have had a lot of work done on the house in the last year. The house is mine. Not dps. I earn quite a bit more and pay for all the upkeep to ensure there's no ambiguity about who has a right to what

Every workman, kept speaking directly to dp. Even if I was there. Despite him redirecting them every time, they still ran everything by him.

It was me that called them, arranged the quote, went through what work I wanted, they still went to dp. At one point, it appeared that they assumed he was paying but he wasn't allowed to make a decision and I was some sort of control freak that had to have it my own way.

Then one day one of them was moaning about people with cushy office jobs, getting paid alot,company car etc not lnowing a hard days work. Dp has pointed out that described me and that I work hard and my job is to ensure our company stays open so we can keep employing people and often do 70 hour weeks to ensure that happens.

Then pointed out, if it wasn't for my 'cushy job' they wouldn't have the job on the house because he wouldn't be able to afford it. Dp then complained to the boss and it stopped. But you could tell they were just off with me. The work was good. The people were not.

There's still differences. But If its thread you are thinking about, it doesn't even make sense.

Or when you have a meeting at work and they still expect the woman to make the drinks!

Long before I had met DH I was buying a new car and there was an issue with the finance. Couldn't get through on the phone so dropped in to see them, happened to have my brother with me as I was taking him to the train station to go on holiday (dealership near the station).

My brother came in with me but only to go and look at the showroom cars, he didn't interact with anyone. The next day I call them again as there was still issues only to be told "Look love your Husband was in with you yesterday and wasn't bothered when we spoke to him so just let him deal with it and stop worrying your wee head".

I have honestly never been so angry.

Also I worked many places where, when a male colleague was off with a sick child people would say how terrible it must be, weren't they wonderful to be off with their kids. When it was a woman, including me, there were lots of passive aggressive 'you chose to have children not us so we shouldn't have to cover' type comments.

@buddylicious

Or when you have a meeting at work and they still expect the woman to make the drinks!

Oooh yes another one. In a previous job I got a 'talking to' for not helping the admin staff out with washing the coffee cups etc. after a big meeting (old fashioned office).

I pointed out that none of my male counterparts (equivalent grades) had helped either and asked whether my (male) predecessor had done it before he left.

Uncomfortable silence followed by 'no but the girls will expect you to help'

Large internal presentation in work.

Two very junior people whose jobs were to set up and tidy away stood with both their arms the same length looking at me until I said you better get tidied up.

Aren’t you going to help us?

No I am not. I notice you’ve only asked me (only very senior level woman in the room) and not any of the blokes (who were all grades below me). Perhaps you should consider why you might have done that

And I fed it back to their manager.

And I correct use of “the girls” every. Single. Time.

I work in care. There are some clients that I find snappy and short,the guy gets effusive thanks for his time, he's sure it's because he's a guy. To be fair it's not always like that. Some clients are wary of him, they do assume he is senior to me should we do double calls though and family members are even worse, often assuming he's there to supervise me and offering him drinks, asking him about changing schedules whilst I get on with things.

Yes. We had a new boiler and other bits installed just before Christmas.

I phoned them, I dealt with them, I organised them to come on days when I was home from work, I made them tea, I answered their questions, I nodded politely when they talked about different sized pipes that I know nothing about. All good.

On the second day DP came home from work a bit early and they were just finishing up.

They then showed DP the finished result, handed him our new fancy thermostat, showed him how to work everything, talked him through working the app, gave him the information to leave a review, shook his hand and left.

But they did email me the invoice.

Jokes on them. DP would never get round to leaving a review.

All the time... had a young technicien doing annual revision of air con in my office, in my firm. I was discussing one unit that was malfunctioning & asked if he had photoed the serial number to see is there were parts available.
He turned around & said, "Naaaa, they can afford it, when I speak to the boss he'll replace it..."
Livid, does not cover it.

I was in an outdoor shop and chose a soft trail running water cup, the type that you can scrunch up into a tiny pocket.
The man at the till said, “You’re going for one of these are you?”
I said, “Yes, it’ll be ideal for streams and burns while I’m running.”
He chuckled knowingly while catching the eye of the other male member of staff listening to our exchange, then proceeded to inform that drinking out of streams can be dangerous and that I should be aware of several factors before doing so.
He was about to launch into the basics of checking upstream when I stopped him with a polite but rather clipped, “I’m aware, thank you”.

There’s no way he’d have provided his mansplanation to another man. That’s what the bloody cup is designed for. How dare he assume I needed his wisdom to use it? I’m forty fucking six.

I’m amazed you’re even asking. Of course.

Last night.

We went for dinner and ordered drinks. A different server brought our drinks from who took our order. I was handed the cocktail and my husband the beer.

I had ordered the beer, my husband the cocktail.

When I bought my first house, on my own and was getting quotes for all kinds of household things I often used to get told they needed to also speak to my husband/partner about the quote.

Well I didn’t have one and they got promptly told I’d take my money elsewhere!

Had this with a new kitchen, central heating being fitted, windows.

I’d contacted them personally, and nobody else had spoken to them about the jobs so I have no idea why they thought this imaginary man was either making a decision or paying for any of it.

DH is a fan of quiche; I'm not. In a restaurant, without fail, if he orders quiche, the server will start to give it to me, and he'll get the rare steak or curry or mixed grill that I've ordered.

Recently got asked by a new contact to clear the out coffee mugs after a meeting. He had just naturally assumed I must be the lower-ranking, admin type person despite us all just having introduced ourselves.

Loved, loved, loved my (male) employee - a mid-level manager in his own right - who loudly responded "no worries, boss, I'll do it!" despite our (female) junior associate also being present.

New contact was visibly cringing.

Yes, Standing at at a bar

3 days ago. I stripped my stairs and painted and was getting a runner fitted. Carpet fitter asked what my husband did. Said I didn't have one. He said what about your bf then it's just I just saw the tools downstairs and it's an expensive carpet. I just gave him the death stare and didn't respond.

I’m in my 60’s and certainly saw a lot of this 20/30 years ago. However I would say it hasn’t really happened in the last 10 years. So waiter gives bill to whoever asks for it, salesperson/workman looks from me to DH and back again etc making sure we are both included in conversation.
Perhaps it’s just my old don’t mess with me face.

I don't know why I'm laughing at these. They are so ridiculous they're hilarious.

Yes I've had lots of these. I was single for years before meeting dp five years ago and I really notice it. "We only take cash, are you sure you've none in the house. Will you call up to your husband there and ask him if you keep any in the house?" After spending all day dealing with me in MY company "right that's all installed now. Shout up to himself and I'll explain how it works." A female estate agent showed us a house. Everytime i asked her a question she answered him. I tried to buy a new TV. My male tenant came with me to help me carry the box in from the car. I may as well have been invisible. Even when I said "I'll take that one please. Can we go to the till and I'll pay" i got ignored.

At uni, the men all wanted me to be the scribe.

I refused, but I did eventually take my turn. I just made sure I was last.

Our small town's independent hardware store is closing down and local Facebook is full of 'such a loss!' and 'so sad to see you go'

Every time I went in there I got ignored or patronised. I much prefer the new branch of Screwfix where I can choose online and then collect.

"I'd like a small soldering iron, please"
"For jewellery making, love?"
"No, I'm repairing the connections on a Scaletrix set"

"Do you have a large sponge?"
"Going to wash his car, darling?"
"Nope, it's for bailing out the racing sailing dinghy I crew"

Yes.

1. Junior, less experienced man hired on a higher salary than me, despite my role being seinor, with more responsibility. When I raised it with management I was told to just suck it up.

1. Male peer expecting (not asking, or even addressing the matter before the meeting) me to take notes during a client meeting. He then complained to management when I said I wasn't his secretary and suggested in future he address any specific 'roles' prior to a meeting. My line manager supported me; his manager did not.

1. ALL tradesman, even those I have used before, used to address my ex if he was in the same room, even though I was the one requesting, paying for and approving the work.

Too many others to list!

Went to pick up a slightly heavy item that I'd bought from Gumtree. The man answered the door with the box in his arms, and said is your husband here, this is heavy 🙄. I said, nope, but I'm more than strong enough, took the box easily enough and even managed to open my boot while holding it. Like, all women are weaklings aren't we.