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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...NOT to get a dog?

206 replies

LizLemonsGlasses · 21/01/2022 09:14

Yet another family we know has got a puppy - it genuinely feels like we're the only ones of our peer group not to have a dog!

My working circumstances have changed in a way which makes it much more doable for us, plus we live in a rural area, we like to walk and get outside, and I know that if we were to do it, it feels like now or never - DDs are 15 and 12 - and we would get the most of it as a family before we blink and the kids are off to uni or work or whatever.

I appreciate the benefits from a family and relationships perspective and all the wellbeing aspects of having a dog - for mental and physical health etc... but I still balk at the commitment and the extra layer of daily work and general organisation involved. There are times when I already find work/life balance difficult so adding a dog into the mix doesn't seem like a great idea. But then I read about how people do it and the dog can slot in and feels like they've always had it etc. etc.

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life' and while I love that idea, I just don't know if it's right for us - and then I feel a bit guilty, am I denying us a 'bigger life'??

This is technically all still hypothetical as DH remains less convinced than I am by that argument and we'd obviously have to be in agreement. And the solution can't be: get a cat - I am 100% a cat person and would love one but DH is definitely not (I could write a whole other thread about this Sad)

DD1 begs for a dog on an almost daily basis - especially now most of her friends have got one! - and it's getting harder to say no convincingly and without wondering if we really are missing out.

Are we doing the right thing NOT to get a dog?? Are we saying no to something that would really enhance our family life, and will we regret not giving ourselves and the DDs this life experience? Tell me we're not the only ones who still don't have a dog?!

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 21/01/2022 09:18

Of course you’re not the only people that don’t have a dog,
I would never get one.

Returnoftheowl · 21/01/2022 09:24

We got a puppy last year, as a lot of careful planning and waiting until it was the right time. It has still been a massive upheaval to our lives. The 1st few months we were pretty much housebound - before he's had his injections and then after while his was only going on short walks. Puppies can't be left, you can't do anything spontaneous, very early wake-ups, broken sleep etc.
We both love our dog, did a lot of research before getting one etc... But even we weren't prepared for exactly how much of a bomb he would put in the middle of our lives.

MaryLennoxsScowl · 21/01/2022 09:29

I have a dog and he is a lot of work - I love his little furry self and he’s so worth it - but if you weren’t prepared/really on board you shouldn’t do it. It was hard enough dealing with a puppy when I did really want one. An older dog might be easier but then you might have behavioural issues, so it’s hard to say.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 21/01/2022 09:30

YANBU.

I’ve got a dog and love him but we are very dedicated to the lifestyle of walking with him and holidaying with him. He is a lot of extra work and time, we get a lot back in return but there’s no getting away from that fact.

My kids (now young adults) love the cuddling and playing aspect of dog ownership but aren’t interested in the walking & poo picking (shocker!), so the people who have to want the dog and be committed to it are the adults/parents, ime.

Darbs76 · 21/01/2022 09:30

If you don’t want a dog don’t get one as you will be the one left looking after it for 12yrs plus, long after your daughters have gone. My kids wanted a dog, but I did more and we all adore our dog.

HippeePrincess · 21/01/2022 09:33

Why would you get a dog now who could live 15 years when you’re almost free of ties? In 3 years the eldest who really wants the dog might go off to uni or just move out, leaving you with a dog you didn’t really want.
When you want to start getting away just the two of you again you’ll always have to think of who will look after the dog. Even long days out have to be carefully planned as you can’t just leave a dog at home.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/01/2022 09:35

Of course you’re not. Too many people take a dog on without the faintest idea of what an huge commitment and expense they are.

Phos · 21/01/2022 09:35

If you don't want one, don't get one. Especially puppies, they're a huge commitment, huge expense and so much work to train. Sure it's lovely to walk them and kids benefit from a dog etc etc but as much as I love other people's I'd never get my own.

FrenchBoule · 21/01/2022 09:37

I was brought up with cats but also had a dog.DH was brought up with dogs.He hates cats (he claims he doesn’t).

He had a dog when we met. Then the kids came along, the dog died.
Now I’d love to have a pet but DH said “no” to a cat and dog is incompatible with our life.

All animal ownership has ups and downs.Cats are less demanding than dogs. Dog is a lot of work,mainly with walking so everybody has to be on board and pitch in.If you can afford dog walkers (and kennels if/when needed )and are fine with restricted social life(or have somebody nearby who could pop in and see to the dog) then go for it.

Kokeshi123 · 21/01/2022 09:37

I think it's a really bad idea to get a dog unless the primary parent in the household (I mean the one who tends to do more of the domestic stuff---very often the woman) is the one who actually wants it. I know several women who spend their time resentfully cleaning up after a dog that other family members begged them for.

I don't understand why choosing a dog means a "bigger life"--they seem to be a real tie and make days-out very difficult.

Suggest to your DD1 that she helps out at a dog shelter or that the family joins the Cinnamon Trust, if she really likes dogs.

Poshjock · 21/01/2022 09:39

A well trained and socialised dog is absolutely an enhancement and enrichment to family life but I cannot emphasise enough the ongoing hard work and commitment it takes to get there. It is especially hard and disruptive during the puppy phase.

Myotherface · 21/01/2022 09:40

YANBU I think it's more important whether you and DH want a dog than the kids. I think it's quite rare to have kids that after the initial excitement would be committed to taking the dog for walks, feeding etc. Saying that though I think I was one of those rare kids that 100% looked after all my pets and would have massively benefited from a dog. I've had arguments around this with DH for the past ten years as I'd love one and he wouldn't. But I think ultimately any family pets will be the parents' responsibility. All my friends that have desperately wanted a dog have said how they've almost regretted it as it's so much work. So if you're already hesitant, definitely don't get one!

IDKAYBIF32 · 21/01/2022 09:40

What is "choosing the bigger life"?! Why does a dog mean that, when it means no more spontaneous nights or days out, or weekends away, or holidays, because you have to make sure the dog is looked after?

We don't have a dog. Partner wants one but I've said no. He's never had a dog before and is a bit rose tinted glasses about the day to day responsibilities and commitment of 10+ years.

I would love a dog, if we could afford a full-time dog nanny. I'm sure the Queen has some of those Grin

Santahasjoinedww · 21/01/2022 09:41

Imo your dc are well old enough to get a rescue ddog. An adult. Skip the dpuppy bit altogether..

BeMoreGoldfish · 21/01/2022 09:41

We don’t have one and never will. I’ve watched the puppy pandemic amongst our friends with fascination. We are literally the only ones in quite a wide circle of friends who don’t have a dog now.

Nothing, not one thing, I’ve witnessed about getting a dog has made me want one Grin.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/01/2022 09:43

Fucking sick of the uncontrolled or badly controlled dogs around here. They’re up there with the bloody electric scooters menace wise.

Also stop putting your dog on a near invisible lead and having it as long as you like on the pavement - children aren’t going to see it!

itwasntaparty · 21/01/2022 09:43

I love my dog, dearly. He blind, deaf and diabetic. 12 hourly insulin injections.

I will always have a dog but be aware how restrictive it can be. Holidays, £35 a day around here for boarding if you can't take them with you.

Original poster
LizLemonsGlasses · 21/01/2022 09:44

See, I have my eyes wide open - I know about the disruption, hassles etc. I've thought about all the practicalities and would be prepared to get a dog walker or sitter for days out/holidays etc. It's all doable... and I know in all probability the benefits would outweigh the hassles.

Owning a pet is great, I think they make a house a home and I also believe it's really important for kids to grow up with pets and know how to care for animals. (We do have chickens so have an element of this, but it's not the same as having a pet inside the house I think).

But I'm still landing on the side of not doing it, so I suppose I'm looking for permission not to do it even though on paper it seems like a good idea!

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 21/01/2022 09:46

Don't do it unless you, personally, are totally committed to that dog for the next 15 years. I have two of my own, and a 15 yo DS. He adores ddog1 with all his heart, but he doesn't walk him (unless prodded), pick up poo in the garden, sort out dog sitters, mop up muddy footprints, book vet appointments etc etc etc. And in two years he will skip off to uni.
Tell your eldest that if she wants a dog she can show commitment by going out for a walk every single day, twice a day, whatever the weather. If she wants a puppy, then make sure to take anything left on the floor and hide it (of course it would be chewed but thats going a bit far for practice), and get a toy puppy and set a timer for every 15 minutes so she can run to the garden and stand there for 5 minutes. And everytime you leave the house ask 'what would we do with the dog'

DorothyBinns · 21/01/2022 09:48

If you are not all on board then definitely don't do it.

DH and I both work full time and have generally busy lives. He wanted a puppy, I didn't. He found a breeder - I wavered, still said no. He bought the puppy anyway. I hate the mess, the smell, the disruption, the expense, the poo and holes dug in the garden, the fact that dog walkers let themselves in when we're both at work, being stared at when I'm cooking and eating, the fact that we can't be spontaneous...the list goes on. it's definitely affected my marriage as I gave all these reasons before the puppy arrived and I was ignored.

Who knows though - often you hear about a partner who didn't want a dog and now they wouldn't be without it.

Stellaaaaaaaah · 21/01/2022 09:48

Early morning waking, mandatory walking, poo pick up, worms, vet expenses and general neediness. Not being able to go out for the whole day. Arranging dog kennels for holidays. If you're not totally in, l wouldn't. Would the youngster volunteer at a dog rescue centre?

Hoppinggreen · 21/01/2022 09:48

Do not get a dog unless everyone in the house REALLY wants one.
It’s not getting a pet it’s a lifestyle change .
I love Ddog to bits but it’s a huge commitment and hard work at times

Just10moreminutesplease · 21/01/2022 09:48

Dogs are wonderful but they are also a huge commitment.

I wouldn’t take the plunge unless you were desperate to add a dog to your family.

Hoppinggreen · 21/01/2022 09:49

@DorothyBinns

If you are not all on board then definitely don't do it.

DH and I both work full time and have generally busy lives. He wanted a puppy, I didn't. He found a breeder - I wavered, still said no. He bought the puppy anyway. I hate the mess, the smell, the disruption, the expense, the poo and holes dug in the garden, the fact that dog walkers let themselves in when we're both at work, being stared at when I'm cooking and eating, the fact that we can't be spontaneous...the list goes on. it's definitely affected my marriage as I gave all these reasons before the puppy arrived and I was ignored.

Who knows though - often you hear about a partner who didn't want a dog and now they wouldn't be without it.

I’m sorry Dorothy that sounds really difficult
bigbluebus · 21/01/2022 09:49

I'm at home all day, live in a rural area and we both like walking too - in fact DH runs a small walking group. I've lost count of the number of times someone has said 'why don't you get a dog?'. I'm surrounded by people who have got one seemingly (to me) as a replacement for their DC's who are now adults. I have also seen people get them because their teens wanted one - only for the teens to go off to Uni at 18 and the parents be left with sole charge of the dog.
I love dogs (well trained ones with well trained owners anyway!). Happy to walk friend's dogs in an emergency. But do I want to take on a commitment of a dog for x number of years, having to arrange dog sitters, kennels, dog friendly accommodation - hell no.
Interesting too that many of my friends/relatives whose dogs have now died are not getting another one.

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