...NOT to get a dog?

[LizLemonsGlasses]

Yet another family we know has got a puppy - it genuinely feels like we're the only ones of our peer group not to have a dog!

My working circumstances have changed in a way which makes it much more doable for us, plus we live in a rural area, we like to walk and get outside, and I know that if we were to do it, it feels like now or never - DDs are 15 and 12 - and we would get the most of it as a family before we blink and the kids are off to uni or work or whatever.

I appreciate the benefits from a family and relationships perspective and all the wellbeing aspects of having a dog - for mental and physical health etc... but I still balk at the commitment and the extra layer of daily work and general organisation involved. There are times when I already find work/life balance difficult so adding a dog into the mix doesn't seem like a great idea. But then I read about how people do it and the dog can slot in and feels like they've always had it etc. etc.

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life' and while I love that idea, I just don't know if it's right for us - and then I feel a bit guilty, am I denying us a 'bigger life'??

This is technically all still hypothetical as DH remains less convinced than I am by that argument and we'd obviously have to be in agreement. And the solution can't be: get a cat - I am 100% a cat person and would love one but DH is definitely not (I could write a whole other thread about this )

DD1 begs for a dog on an almost daily basis - especially now most of her friends have got one! - and it's getting harder to say no convincingly and without wondering if we really are missing out.

Are we doing the right thing NOT to get a dog?? Are we saying no to something that would really enhance our family life, and will we regret not giving ourselves and the DDs this life experience? Tell me we're not the only ones who still don't have a dog?!

Cats only barely tolerate humans and spend most of their time roaming outside like wild beasts. Plus litter trays are disgusting. Whereas no one will be happier to see you coming home than your dog

@XelaM you’ve been unlucky with your cats

@XelaM

Cats only barely tolerate humans and spend most of their time roaming outside like wild beasts. Plus litter trays are disgusting. Whereas no one will be happier to see you coming home than your dog

my cats always meet me at home. In fatc I went through a phase of driving different cars. It took the cat about 3 days each time to recognise the new car and then he would come running as I arrived home.

They comes and ask for cuddles, affection and before I got married I would always wake up with a cat asleep on my bed.

I don't use a litter tray, and cats never make the house smell unlike my dog.

I have both, but I don't recognise your description of a cat

as someone with two dogs (forced into this) and a cat, do not get a dog

they are hard work, i would never give up my pets but i wouldnt get another dog if my dogs passed

@XelaM

Cats only barely tolerate humans and spend most of their time roaming outside like wild beasts. Plus litter trays are disgusting. Whereas no one will be happier to see you coming home than your dog

this is soooooooo untrue i have had cats my whole life

XelaM
Cats only barely tolerate humans and spend most of their time roaming outside like wild beasts. Plus litter trays are disgusting. Whereas no one will be happier to see you coming home than your dog“

You haven’t met our cats!
One is pretty much as you describe, 3 are firmly fair weather outdoor cats and enjoy our company, 1 is pretty much glued to me if I sit still for more than 30 seconds.

If you're not sure, then don't

They're a huge commitment. It's hard to go places. People with dogs take them everywhere or they have to rush back for the dog

Holidays, vets bills, hairy furniture, picking up
Poo. They're like big hairy smelly babies

Love our dog, he is 13 and a true family member but the DC are grown up now and it's just DH and I to look after him, walk him (3x a day) and care for him in unforseen circumstances (eg has developed a stomach disorder so we have to home cook him a diet of salmon and rice!).
We are also at a stage of our lives when we want to enjoy luxury weekends away, which is a lot more difficult with a dog in tow.
We don't ever regret getting him (DC were primary school ages) but when he passes away we wouldn't get another.

I think the whole idea is pet keeping is being increasingly questioned- for many reasons. Estimates suggest that domestic cats kill millions wild animals , including birds in the UK each year..
There are an estimated 35 million pets in the UK, including dogs, hamsters, gerbils birds etc.

They are mostly kept as living toys, for the amusement of owners. I appreciate that there are service and working animals, many people living alone find having a pet an invaluable source of comfort and companionship.
But pet keeping comes at a cost, pet food production is not all by products of the human food industry and greenhouse gases are produced by haulage. People don’t always keep animals in great conditions or situations, animal cruelty is common, puppy farms churn out unhealthy animals, and some breeds are just plain cruel. A domestic situation is not the best environment for many animals, dogs often left for hours while owners work, cats kept in flats and never outdoors, birds and hamsters in cages, reptiles in tanks, limiting their natural behaviours, and causing stress.
I know there are many owners who care for their pets in a good and humane way, but it calls into question whether widespread pet keeping is an ethical thing to do.
Just as we have seen the decline of circus animals and zoos called into question, perhaps it is time to consider whether having a living toy is a good idea.
I have two cats myself- rescue cats who are neutered, but I think when they go I won’t own another pet.

Re above post---true, but then again, pet keeping does seem to serve a social function of "something you do instead of having [more] children" and a pet's carbon footprint is certainly much smaller than that of a child.

I agree that the OP should not get a dog though. Nothing about her situation suggests it would be practical or a good idea, or even that there is a good reason for getting one.

Unless you are 1 million percent into getting a dog- don’t.
It’s hard work and not for everyone
It’s not fair to the dog unless your completely into all that comes with it!
I say this as a lover of dogs and a dog owner who loves every second of it!

pet keeping does seem to serve a social function of "something you do instead of having [more] children"

Does It? I see pet owning more like keeping a living toy.
We talk of "owning" pets, they are not growing towards autonomy like children do.

I am interested in the whole idea, and the more thought I ive to it the less comfortable it sits with me. I have had dogs in the past, my children have had hamsters and goldfish, I have two rescue cats that live with me in my home at the moment.
I don't think I will have any pets in the future.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/aug/01/should-we-stop-keeping-pets-why-more-and-more-ethicists-say-yes#:~:text=While%20pets%20remain%20property%20in,of%20care%20for%20their%20animals.&text=%E2%80%9CIf%20you%20can%20still%20do,they%20are%20happy%20being%20pets.

I am in your situation. I feel guilty that one DS, 15, has been wanting a dog for a few years.
We've held off as our cat is a nervous cat and she'd hate it, plus husband doesn't like dogs, plus my life is already too stressful.

However....I like dogs, I grew up with them, i nagged my parents for one when I was 8, but by the time I was 12, I no longer wanted to walk him.

I'm very conscious it's now or never, that my son will be off to uni and that this is a childhood experience he should have had. Tbh, if DH was on board we probably would have done it.
But I feel we missed the boat and feel sad for DS, as my dog was a big part of my childhood.

But...kids are off to uni in 3 years, I'm fed up of looking after everyone else and would like to focus on me.

@middleager

I am in your situation. I feel guilty that one DS, 15, has been wanting a dog for a few years. We've held off as our cat is a nervous cat and she'd hate it, plus husband doesn't like dogs, plus my life is already too stressful.

However....I like dogs, I grew up with them, i nagged my parents for one when I was 8, but by the time I was 12, I no longer wanted to walk him.

I'm very conscious it's now or never, that my son will be off to uni and that this is a childhood experience he should have had. Tbh, if DH was on board we probably would have done it.
But I feel we missed the boat and feel sad for DS, as my dog was a big part of my childhood.

But...kids are off to uni in 3 years, I'm fed up of looking after everyone else and would like to focus on me.

She can get a dog when she moves out, in a few years. Then she'll understand the true cost of them.

So many children and teens are mad keen for a dog, then they get one, then the novelty wears off and then they won't walk the poor thing.
Guess who has to walk the dog then?
Wifework - that's all.

We got one in lock down...had been talking/thinking about it for a few years it has been great...but also difficult expensive and constraining.....finding doggy daycare/ walker difficult-most are full or won't take males or have a minimum number of days -that we don't want/need...and we live in a reasonably dog friendly suburb
The dogs needed much more training in basic stuff-wed expected training constantly but not the repeated boring stuff!
So my solutions to enable my needs for flexibility have been hard to find...
Dh was very pro dog and his work is very flexible- which is why we went now ....so he does most of it to be fair and has been very good for his mental health.....
However I wouldn't recommend unless both adults are completely committed.... borrow my doggy for your DD is a great idea

Don't do it.

I say that someone with a 20 month old dog who I do love but she has taken over my life. My children were older teenagers (17 & 13). I had my life back. Now it's gone again and I'm no longer free to do what I want, when I want.

Don't do it.

I work part time from home. Live semi rurally. Kids are upper primary now. Had dogs growing up. Eldest child particularly wants a dog. I like the idea of having one for walks etc.

Everyone around me is convinced we should get one.

But then they say, "oh I can't do that because it's too long to leave the dog" or "I can't go on that holiday because it's not dog friendly."

I can't imagine restricting my life to that degree for an animal. It's bad enough trying to find kid friendly places

I don't agree with the poster who said it's cruel to keep dogs as pets. As long as the dog is fed, has a warm place to sleep, human interaction and gets basic walks - the dog will be happy (unless it's a high-energy working breed). We have a fairly lazy and laid back toy breed who spends most of his time hogging the electric blanket and snuggling up to whoever happens to be lazying around on the sofa/bed. All he needs is food, a bit of exercise and his people around him and he's very happy.

When I was at primary school my mum was a SAHP and bought a puppy. It was a mutt, a total Heinz 57. My Dad was working all the hours God sends whilst Mum was home on her own during the day, so Patch was welcomed to our home.

Patch failed training school, she couldn't be let off a lead, she would go for strangers. Mum was getting her qualifications and studied for a degree via the OU, then she found a job once my younger brother was at secondary school. Patch was then left on her own all day, no dog walkers or anything.

We couldn't go on foreign holidays because we couldn't find a kennel to take her. She was the worst behaved animal ever.

I think when she finally passed it was a relief to my parents because they were free of the responsibility.

I'm in my 40s now and I love dogs. I'm much more a doggy person than a cat person. But my circumstances dictate that having a dog wouldn't be fair to them, because I work mental hours. We have a 6 year old cat, who comes and goes as she pleases, she didn't even need much toilet training as a kitten. Really, minimum effort required (unless she wants a cuddle or to play). A dog needs a whole lot more input, more time, more effort which we can't provide right now. My cat is looked after (or served by) family members whilst we go away. My mum especially loves to come and stay to take care of her.

I look forward to retirement so that I can finally devote my life to a dog. It's a life ambition!

I'm very conscious it's now or never, that my son will be off to uni and that this is a childhood experience he should have had. Tbh, if DH was on board we probably would have done it.
But I feel we missed the boat and feel sad for DS, as my dog was a big part of my childhood.

I agree with a PP - it will turn into wifework
I know many women who have given in to the pressure of a 13 year old and bought a dog, with all the promises from the teen of dping all the walking and caring.
Hasn't worked out once like that in the failies I know, once the novelty of a puppy wears off kids manage to step back and it end up the parents- usually the mother ends up doing all the care.

Some people grow up wih a close and wonderful relationship with a brother- many of us don't have brothers- I don't feel I missed out.

I don't understand why choosing a dog means a "bigger life"--they seem to be a real tie and make days-out very difficult

Quite. A smaller life if my dog owning friends are anything to go by. No spontaneous days out without having to think about the dog. And don't go out visiting friends for dinner any more as they won't leave the dog. Looks like a real nuisance to me.

Don't do it. Grew up with dogs but would never have one ever again. All my friends who've got one I think have secretly regretted it and no one seems to have it in them to train them properly as all of them are badly behaved. Their needs seem to trump and dictate everything, when I travel to see my friend who lives 5 hours away for the weekend all the activities have to be constructed round the dog. It's quite isolating as he's aggressive towards other dogs so we can't go anywhere.

My cats are my best friends, they spend all day either cuddled up to me or sitting beside me and are mostly extremely low maintenance. Cats all the way.

I don't understand why choosing a dog means a "bigger life"--they seem to be a real tie and make days-out very difficult

Absolutely.
There were lovely days on the beach, forest walks, but oveall they were a huge tie. One of my dogs turned out to be a nervous animal, and despite living with his litter mate was a barker.
He had bad separation anxiety, although always had his brother for company.
We spent a fortune on training, had the help of an animal psychologist, vet- to no avail.
We had to plan everything around the dogs and we either had to take him with us or pay for a dog sitter if we wanted an evening out, or take them to dog friendly pubs or dog loving friends.

We couldn't do anything spontaneous, if we were out, and wanted to pop into a shop on a whim one of us had to wait in the car or the street while out shopping- we couldn;t just pop into a coffee shop- many establishments don;t allow non working dogs.

I have two dogs, they give me great joy.

However, I’ve had at least one dog since I was 22, barely an adult. I’m 38 now and I only lost that first dog last summer.

I’ve had dogs that needed looking after while I went clubbing, on big holidays, moving house, renting, relationship breakups, and now I’m pregnant with twins. I only really know adult life with dogs, so I know no different.

I can’t imagine having spent 20 years as an adult with no dog then all of a sudden having the commitment. I feel prepared for having the twins too, as I’ve had other living things depending on me 100% for years already.

Don’t get a dog if you don’t want a dog, I’ve got hideous hip and pelvic pain with this pregnancy and I’m just about to get up and walk the dogs, because that’s what you do. I can just about bend down to pick their shit up too.

Mine are no trouble, sociable with dogs and people, can be left alone within reason (8 hours in an emergency) don’t cost a great deal, and if I didn’t walk them today the only thing that would happen would be that I’d feel guilty. They are asleep and would stay that way til their dinner time. They’re not even old, one is 3 and one is 11 weeks.

But you don’t have to get a dog. Especially if you’ve got this far without one.