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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...NOT to get a dog?

206 replies

LizLemonsGlasses · 21/01/2022 09:14

Yet another family we know has got a puppy - it genuinely feels like we're the only ones of our peer group not to have a dog!

My working circumstances have changed in a way which makes it much more doable for us, plus we live in a rural area, we like to walk and get outside, and I know that if we were to do it, it feels like now or never - DDs are 15 and 12 - and we would get the most of it as a family before we blink and the kids are off to uni or work or whatever.

I appreciate the benefits from a family and relationships perspective and all the wellbeing aspects of having a dog - for mental and physical health etc... but I still balk at the commitment and the extra layer of daily work and general organisation involved. There are times when I already find work/life balance difficult so adding a dog into the mix doesn't seem like a great idea. But then I read about how people do it and the dog can slot in and feels like they've always had it etc. etc.

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life' and while I love that idea, I just don't know if it's right for us - and then I feel a bit guilty, am I denying us a 'bigger life'??

This is technically all still hypothetical as DH remains less convinced than I am by that argument and we'd obviously have to be in agreement. And the solution can't be: get a cat - I am 100% a cat person and would love one but DH is definitely not (I could write a whole other thread about this Sad)

DD1 begs for a dog on an almost daily basis - especially now most of her friends have got one! - and it's getting harder to say no convincingly and without wondering if we really are missing out.

Are we doing the right thing NOT to get a dog?? Are we saying no to something that would really enhance our family life, and will we regret not giving ourselves and the DDs this life experience? Tell me we're not the only ones who still don't have a dog?!

OP posts:
RedFlagsAllOver · 21/01/2022 11:19

I've thought about it as I'm home all day, but a puppy is like having a baby, they cry at night and keep you awake. Vets bills are expensive. I currently have 2 cats and I just Don't get on with them. One just scratches everything. My sofa, kids carpets and stairs and landing carpets are destroyed. My older cat doesn't scratch but she is so demanding, if I don't feed her she basically attacks me even if she's just been fed. If you want a holiday you have to find a kennel. My cats went in a cattery for a few days once but they fill up fast. I think once my cats have passed on I couldn't do it again

Theluggage15 · 21/01/2022 11:20

You’re absolutely right not to get a dog if you’re unsure. We’ve always had dogs and are used to the commitment etc. Too many people get dogs and aren’t prepared for the hard work you have to put in to get a well behaved happy dog.

Don’t do it. Ignore the children!

Booboobadoo · 21/01/2022 11:25

Can you define your own 'big life', rather than following someone else's idea of a big life? It's okay to say no to DD - she can get one when she's older and independent if it's so important to her. Why is it important for children to learn to care for pets? You can teach children to be sensible and compassionate around animals without having a dog in the house. This feels like a fear of missing out thing.

NandorTheRelentlessCleaner · 21/01/2022 11:25

You should only ever get a dog if you really really desperately want one

They are hard work as pups, a huge commitment and life throws surprises at you and the dog still has to fit in.

We got a second dog last year, a huge deerhound pup who is gorgeous and makes us very happy Smile. Yet... we can no longer go on holidays abroad as nobody would look after a boisterous large breed pup for us Grin

Still don't regret getting him, but it's very limiting

Maybe small breeds are easier though Wink

VelvetChairGirl · 21/01/2022 11:30

@Sloth66

Too many people bought puppies in haste during lockdown, and then neglected them. I see so many basically untrained dogs, with zero recall running around. And there seems to be a lot more dog mess around too, out walking now I’m looking down a lot of the time.
I have noticed loads of dog shit since coming out of lockdown, I never thought that people were buying more dogs during lockdown thats mad.
Rno3gfr · 21/01/2022 11:30

I haven’t found the responsibility of a dog particularly life changing but we both work from home, we also have a toddler and I find him much more work.

Mojoj · 21/01/2022 11:31

Only get a dog if YOU really want one. Don't get a dog for your kids. They might well help out but you will do most of the grunt work. I speak from experience but then I completely adore my wee furry wean🥰🥰

funinthesun19 · 21/01/2022 11:34

No you’re not being unreasonable to not get a dog.
I don’t agree with her when she says getting a dog = a bigger life. I wouldn’t gain anything positive from a dog.

Original poster
LizLemonsGlasses · 21/01/2022 11:34

@Booboobadoo

Can you define your own 'big life', rather than following someone else's idea of a big life? It's okay to say no to DD - she can get one when she's older and independent if it's so important to her. Why is it important for children to learn to care for pets? You can teach children to be sensible and compassionate around animals without having a dog in the house. This feels like a fear of missing out thing.
Yes, that's what I'm trying to do I guess, figure out what is my 'bigger life' and ignore the FOMO!

I don't want people to misunderstand the concept - bigger life is not a way to guilt people into getting a dog, it's more like something to bear in mind when you're trying to make a decision, especially for people like me who are a bit risk averse and introverted and need a push to move out of their comfort zone!

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 21/01/2022 11:37

Ya-absolutely-nbu.
Dogs are stressful if they have behavioural problems. Very expensive. Remove spontaneity.
Piddle up stuff outside or make bald piddle patches on the lawn. Create a lot of dirt.
And then there's the poo....

FindingMeno · 21/01/2022 11:40

Do you have time for walking, teeth cleaning, grooming, poo picking, extra cleaning, emergency vets visits etc etc also?
It's a huge commitment.
Are you a home owner? Do you have a plan b for illness, death, divorce?

RestingPandaFace · 21/01/2022 11:43

I wouldn’t. I had two dogs, they lived to 17 and 15 had great lives and were well loved.

Since the last one died I feel so free. Honestly over time they come to restrict your life so much.

Grida · 21/01/2022 11:50

I love dogs and we used to have them when I was a child. I don’t get the ‘bigger life’ thing as I think they give you a more restricted life. Really great if you are a very home based person but not so great if you want flexibility and want to do more away from home.

Spidey66 · 21/01/2022 11:53

We wanted a dog for years before getting one. She's a very well loved dog and I don't regret her for a moment. BUT it will only work if everybody is 100% on board.

My dog loves kids and is very popular in the local park which happens to be next door to the local primary and secondary schools. Some of the parents have said their kids are desperate for a dog. I do warn them "you've got 2 kids now. If you get a dog, you'll have 3."

MangoLipstick · 21/01/2022 11:53

YANBU

I love dogs but they are a BIG commitment.

My parents have dogs now they’ve retired, and whilst it’s definitely enriched their lives having them, the doggos are hard work. My parents will be the first to tell you that!

grey12 · 21/01/2022 11:53

I wouldn't have a dog now. Life is too crazy for me with 3 small children (and other stuff......) and having to walk and take care of a dog is a no thank you for me right now.

We do have a cat Grin no, we didn't get it, the cat adopted US 🤷🏻‍♀️ she's so lovely and taking care of her, petting her really is something special :) especially when I'm feeling a bit down or overwhelmed

I hate it when people are so polarised with cats vs dogs, they are both lovely companions!! They work for different lifestyles, that's all.

Wallywobbles · 21/01/2022 11:59

My kids are all teens 13-17 and our last dog was put down in June. We won't be getting another one for another couple of decades at least. They are lovely obviously but an unbelievable tie.

LuckyAmy1986 · 21/01/2022 12:05

Don't do it. They take over your life. You have to factor them into EVERYTHING.

pumpkinpie01 · 21/01/2022 12:08

Your dd is 15 is she the kind of girl that will go out in torrential rain or snow walking ? , get up at 6am at the weekends ?

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 21/01/2022 12:12

I haven't read the thread but have you considered fostering for a local rescue as a way to try out having a dog? Get an older one and you shouldn't have too much of an issue with house training and stuff. There are charities like the cinnamon trust that foster for elderly people who have to go into hospital and stuff so it could be a short term thing to see if you like it.

Figmentofmyimagination · 21/01/2022 12:12

Our cocker spaniel is nearly eleven. I love her dearly but her acute and seemingly untreatable separation anxiety has meant 11 years of going out separately or not at all (no spontaneous outings unless the dog can come too), difficult relationship with neighbour owing to howling if we as much as walk to the post box without her, crèche fees to cover even the tiniest outing without her etc. I secretly am glad that cockers only live on average for 12 years and, as the person most likely to get left behind when everyone else goes out, I am hoping I can stand my ground and make sure we never have another dog.

Deadringer · 21/01/2022 12:16

Our elderly dog died early in the summer and our dd misses him dreadfully, and is desperate to get another. But i really, really don't want another dog so it's not going to happen. I know it would enhance our lives in lots of ways but i am just not willing to take on such a big commitment especially now my youngest is 13 and the rest are adults. I don't want to have to include a dog on days out or family holidays ir worry about leaving the house for a few hours at a time. Anyway we rescued a cat and she is a brilliant pet, friendly and affectionate without being too much of a tie.

springisonthewaynow · 21/01/2022 12:18

Don't do it

SapphosRock · 21/01/2022 12:24

YANBU. Your house will smell like dog.

Fuggly · 21/01/2022 12:25

I was at your stage about 18 years ago. Busy life, 3 primary/secondary kids and a job. I was desperate for a dog as had grown up with them. OH at the time wasn't keen but I went ahead anyway. Took on 2 dogs ( 2 years apart). It was hard, I basically did everything for them - fair enough I wanted them. Kids soon got fed up of the walking. Don't get me wrong they loved having them, the cuddles, showing them off to friends etc.
My dogs lived a great life but it did take over mine. They died at 15 and 13 within a few months of each other in 2018. Although I was sad, i was also relieved to have my freedom back.
If you aren't sure, don't do it.