...NOT to get a dog?

[LizLemonsGlasses]

Yet another family we know has got a puppy - it genuinely feels like we're the only ones of our peer group not to have a dog!

My working circumstances have changed in a way which makes it much more doable for us, plus we live in a rural area, we like to walk and get outside, and I know that if we were to do it, it feels like now or never - DDs are 15 and 12 - and we would get the most of it as a family before we blink and the kids are off to uni or work or whatever.

I appreciate the benefits from a family and relationships perspective and all the wellbeing aspects of having a dog - for mental and physical health etc... but I still balk at the commitment and the extra layer of daily work and general organisation involved. There are times when I already find work/life balance difficult so adding a dog into the mix doesn't seem like a great idea. But then I read about how people do it and the dog can slot in and feels like they've always had it etc. etc.

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life' and while I love that idea, I just don't know if it's right for us - and then I feel a bit guilty, am I denying us a 'bigger life'??

This is technically all still hypothetical as DH remains less convinced than I am by that argument and we'd obviously have to be in agreement. And the solution can't be: get a cat - I am 100% a cat person and would love one but DH is definitely not (I could write a whole other thread about this )

DD1 begs for a dog on an almost daily basis - especially now most of her friends have got one! - and it's getting harder to say no convincingly and without wondering if we really are missing out.

Are we doing the right thing NOT to get a dog?? Are we saying no to something that would really enhance our family life, and will we regret not giving ourselves and the DDs this life experience? Tell me we're not the only ones who still don't have a dog?!

Don't get a puppy. Go to the shelter and get one out of there that just needs a home. It will be the most rewarding thing you ever do. Give a dog a home

We have a dog. I wish every day that we did not have a dog.

Don't get a dog!

My honest list of pros and cons

Pros
My grown up children love coming home to see the dog!
He gets me out for a long walk every day and I love it whatever the weather.
His presence soothes conflict and sadness.
He makes us laugh loud and long
It's true he makes our house a home.
I can take him to see my dad who has dementia, and he makes my dad smile.

Cons
He ties us to shorter holidays. I don't like leaving him for more than 2 weeks.
His (luxurious) doggy day care is expensive (£30 a night).
He occasionally does something that infuriates me. It's just one thing to be fair. But this thing drives me nuts. He did it this afternoon and I'm still fuming with him!
Dogs are expensive when they go wrong
We're slightly less spontaneous with plans. He's always an extra factor

YABVU to even consider getting a dog just because ‘everyone else has one’. Dogs are living things, who need love and commitment, not the latest pair of trainers.

No, of course you aren’t! Love mine, but not everyone wants one.

However, I am honour-bound to recommend a retired greyhound as apparently this is the suggestion on every thread about dogs on MN! (Mine’s gorgeous, in case you wondered.)

I got a new dog for myself three years ago. My youngest children are same age as yours. I wouldn't get a pet for children of these ages now because they start going out and having social Iives outside the family. Get a dog if you want one, not them. They are a tie with holidays and socialising and work commitments. I got my dog because I am single and anticipating being alone a lot more over next few years as the kids grow up so he is company and gets me out walking but I got him for me and so I don't mind the mess and the tie and the clearing up poo.

The idea of "living a bigger life" is fine, except I know in my case it wouldd mean 90% of teh walks, picking up poop, cleaning mud and hairs off the floor would fall to me.

I adore dogs, but already spend a lot of my life caring for others.
I work from home, live surrounded by woodland and I know how much fun walking a dog can be, and having them as part of he family- on paper a dog would fot in well to our family.

But and extra time right now is about keeping my own cup full, about caring for myself, if I have time I want to go to an early morning yoga class, meditate, have a facial, read a book, not take a dog for a walk when it is a biting minus 2 wind on a wet February morning.
Digs creat mess and dirt.
They make your house and car smell ( owners deny this but they are simply use to it)
All digs at some point will throw up or shit on the carpet if they are ill.
Puppies and young dogs like to chew- often furniture, shoes, carpets, anything they fancy.

I am on my 3rd dog, who is now nearly 10. I have told dh that if I ever say I want another dog, he is to throw a bucket of stale, muddy water up the wall to remind me of what I am asking for. Same with the cat. When that goes, if I want another, I will just get a knife and shred the settee myself to save time.

I wouldn't have a dog for ready money. My circumstances are such that I could not give it the attention it would deserve. As for "the bigger life" what on earth does that mean?

Gretchen Rubin is very, very rich.:)

You could have a bigger, richer life by having 10 children, but very few people do.

I should add that picking up the poo becomes such second nature that it's really not a problem. When they kids were tiny they insists we got a hamster. Now cleaning it's stinky cage once a week WAS a problem because there really was no upside to the creature

@speakout

The idea of "living a bigger life" is fine, except I know in my case it wouldd mean 90% of teh walks, picking up poop, cleaning mud and hairs off the floor would fall to me.

I adore dogs, but already spend a lot of my life caring for others.
I work from home, live surrounded by woodland and I know how much fun walking a dog can be, and having them as part of he family- on paper a dog would fot in well to our family.

But and extra time right now is about keeping my own cup full, about caring for myself, if I have time I want to go to an early morning yoga class, meditate, have a facial, read a book, not take a dog for a walk when it is a biting minus 2 wind on a wet February morning.
Digs creat mess and dirt.
They make your house and car smell ( owners deny this but they are simply use to it)
All digs at some point will throw up or shit on the carpet if they are ill.
Puppies and young dogs like to chew- often furniture, shoes, carpets, anything they fancy.

This. This this this!

I love dogs, I'm incapable of seeing a black Lab without something inside me yearning a bit.

But I won't get a dog. Not ever. Because I've had one, and I know exactly how much hard work they are.

Because I've had one, I also know how much joy they bring, and how much they add to family life. But if I'm honest, for me, personally, the cons (as outlined so eloquently above) massively outweigh the pros. I'm not prepared to do it, and I'm certainly not prepared to risk making a hash of raising a puppy and effectively causing a massive problem by having a poorly trained dog.

YANBU. Your DC will not lose out by not having a dog. You, on the other hand, will probably be a lot more stressed and lose quality of life by having a dog. Tell your DD that she can have a dog when she's an adult, with her own home and income and ability to look after it alone.

I'm getting my dog on Monday.

I have been wanting her for years and everything has finally aligned for me to give her the time and care she'll need.

I am still terrified and having a wobbly moment or two over the tough first year ahead.

I'd say do NOT do it unless every fibre and nerve and sinew wants it.

Don worry about what other people do.
I grew up with dogs. My dad was a dog handler and trained service dogs.

They are a massive tie. You cannot leave them for more than a few hours at a time.

Everyone I know who has a dog is ruled by them to an extent. They have to be home for such and such a time to let the dog out.

Only get one if you really want one.

@cherrypie66

Don't get a puppy. Go to the shelter and get one out of there that just needs a home. It will be the most rewarding thing you ever do. Give a dog a home

It might be.

Or, it might be a nightmare of having to dive straight into learning about dog behaviour, learning how to use positive reinforcement, classical conditioning, learning how to manage behaviour to avoid reinforcing the wrong things.

For some folk they get an easy dog who slots in well and for every one of them I could show you 10 people who got a problem dog who they had to turn their lives upside down for.

If you WANT to take that on and go into it eyes open, fully understanding what is involved - fine. But a first time owner such as the OP is not in that situation.. and if they don't want the work of a puppy, they're unlikely to welcome the work of a needy rescue dog who has some behaviour issues!

If someone does want dogs in their life but not on a full time basis, there are options.

Some rescues are absolutely crying out for shorter term foster carers - be careful because you need a rescue who can respect your needs here, if you say 'we can keep x dog for 6 weeks' you want them to be ready to collect x dog after 6 weeks and not take the piss.

There is also Borrow My Doggy which from the pov of the borrower, can work quite well - you get to know the dogs you borrow, you have them when it suits you, you give them back at the end of the day or weekend or whatever.

For those who want a bit more commitment and don't mind the puppy stuff, theres puppy walking for guide dogs and police dogs.

So there are ways to have dogs in your life without owning a dog full time - but obviously they also come with their own pros, cons and potential pitfalls!

From the perspective of a current owner.....We have two dogs, a nearly 14 year old Border Collie (who is sadly nearing the end of her life) and a 6 year old large Romanian fluff monster that my son wanted and adopted and then got a job in London. We are debating what to do when our BC has to be put to sleep..... do we get another one? on the one hand we have been lucky that the dogs are happy to be left alone to allow us to go out for meals, they have kept us fit, we like walking so they fit in well with that, and they settled well in kennels when we have gone abroad. On the other hand a puppy would be huge work and we would have to make sure a rescue dog would get on with the fluff monster. They do cost a lot to feed and insure, vets cost a lot when they get poorly and holidays do need careful planning. So no, don't get a dog unless you are prepared for 12-14 years work.

I'm amazed how many people buy dogs without researching the ins and out of ownership, or even what breed suits their lifestyle E.g buying a Border Collie when they live in a flat, keeping the dog cooped up all day and then wondering why their house is being trashed by a dog that's bored out of its skull

@cherrypie66

Don't get a puppy. Go to the shelter and get one out of there that just needs a home. It will be the most rewarding thing you ever do. Give a dog a home

or go and look at my thread about trying to get a dog from rescues at the moment.

It is very very hard

and my lovely adult dog who wa pretty amazing as rescue and moved in like he had always lived here still needed quite a lot of training.

@FFSjustLTB

I am on my 3rd dog, who is now nearly 10. I have told dh that if I ever say I want another dog, he is to throw a bucket of stale, muddy water up the wall to remind me of what I am asking for. Same with the cat. When that goes, if I want another, I will just get a knife and shred the settee myself to save time.

this has to be one of my favourite posts ever on mn

Def agree with these replies. My dog is great. Would be lost without him but yes they alot of work we all pitch in. Jack russell

I love my dog but it’ll be a very long time before I get another. They don’t expand your life, they make it harder work. And that’d fine if you want that, but it’s still harder work.

I love my dog and walking him will always be my personal heaven but it’s the practicality that I’m tired of. The mud, the 5am shuffling about that wakes the whole house, the barking at nothing, having stair gates everywhere, the cost. I’m 10 years in and I’d say I’ve felt like this a few years now. I don’t get the free time to really enjoy him like when he was younger (cries) but that’s just the reality unfortunately of life changing when you have a pet that has a longer life span. Before anyone feels too bad he’s snoozing next to me right now.

If you were considering it I’d foster or get an older dog so it’s a 5 year commitment rather than a 13 year commitment.

Lots of sensible replies here.
I am well aware of the benefits of dog ownership, but for me the cost is too high.
It;s unfair to leave dogs alone for long periods- they are such a tie when it comes to holdays days out. Taking a dog for a beach walk on a summer day is a real pleasure. But what if you pass a lovely looking cafe on the way home and want to stop for a snack or a meal? You can't take the dog into the cafe usually, it's too warm to leave them in the car, unsafe to tie them up outside. Not to mention that your car will be full of sand.
Dogs are very very limiting, need a lot of exrcise, no matter if the weather is bad, if you are running late, if you or a child is ill.
The dog still needs walked.

Dogs are amazing creatures- affectionate, sensitive, loving, great companions, they make us laugh and show us a different perspective on life. Wonderful animals.

I wouldn't have another.

@FlyingPandas that really resonates with me - that's why I've been thinking a lot about this, because on paper it seems like a good idea. But you are so right - like you I need plenty of margin in my life to do the things that help me stay sane and cope with the demands of life and a dog would definitely eat into that. I was actually thinking about it yesterday morning when I was drinking my coffee in peace and quiet just after I got up - I need to ease myself into the day and a dog would probably seriously disrupt that! It's selfish I suppose but it's a small but effective way I keep my cup full as you say.

@PinkSyCo I'm not considering a dog because it's in fashion, I've been considering it as a way to enrich family life. The fact that many of our peers have got one has made me wonder if it would be possible for us too.

@CarrieSadshaw I don't think 10 children would enrich my life!! 

@interferingma I totally agree about hamsters - I just don't see the appeal AND you still have to do all the care and cleaning - no way! To pps who suggested rats - they seem a bit more interesting but I'm afraid I put them in the same bracket - just not very cuddly and companionable - and don't they pee all the time??

DS2 who is 14 would like a dog. He will probably leave home in 4 years to go to Uni - but the hypothetical dog wouldn't be going with him! DS1 is already at Uni and I am looking forward to having the freedom that having adult DC will bring, for me, having a dog would be like having another young child. I want the freedom and spontaneity back in my life after 18 years of parenting.

We have a couple of elderly guinea pigs and I won't be replacing them either. I want to be able to say to DH "sod it let's go to Rome/ Skegness/ Ulan Bator for the weekend" and just pack and leave.

Perhaps later we will get pets again but I want a period in my life where I don't have to be completely responsible for anyone or anything else.