...NOT to get a dog?

[LizLemonsGlasses]

Yet another family we know has got a puppy - it genuinely feels like we're the only ones of our peer group not to have a dog!

My working circumstances have changed in a way which makes it much more doable for us, plus we live in a rural area, we like to walk and get outside, and I know that if we were to do it, it feels like now or never - DDs are 15 and 12 - and we would get the most of it as a family before we blink and the kids are off to uni or work or whatever.

I appreciate the benefits from a family and relationships perspective and all the wellbeing aspects of having a dog - for mental and physical health etc... but I still balk at the commitment and the extra layer of daily work and general organisation involved. There are times when I already find work/life balance difficult so adding a dog into the mix doesn't seem like a great idea. But then I read about how people do it and the dog can slot in and feels like they've always had it etc. etc.

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life' and while I love that idea, I just don't know if it's right for us - and then I feel a bit guilty, am I denying us a 'bigger life'??

This is technically all still hypothetical as DH remains less convinced than I am by that argument and we'd obviously have to be in agreement. And the solution can't be: get a cat - I am 100% a cat person and would love one but DH is definitely not (I could write a whole other thread about this )

DD1 begs for a dog on an almost daily basis - especially now most of her friends have got one! - and it's getting harder to say no convincingly and without wondering if we really are missing out.

Are we doing the right thing NOT to get a dog?? Are we saying no to something that would really enhance our family life, and will we regret not giving ourselves and the DDs this life experience? Tell me we're not the only ones who still don't have a dog?!

I was you five or six years ago. Kids wanted a dog, DH not sure. I grew up with cats and dogs and do think they can be great for children.

But, I watched friends with dogs. They're mostly so badly trained, because they 'love them so much', they're yappy and jump up, and I'd see them in the pouring rain walking the dog. Then UK only holidays, on restricted areas of the beach, and only in certain holiday cottages.

I'm so glad I didn't give in, both kids now, having experienced friends dogs, are happy that we don't have one. And I have swerved a huge amount of work and the headspace that training a dog well takes up!

I got a dog a few months ago. I love him and it works for us as we pretty much go out walking or stay at home. However, there's been times the past couple of weekends where I've wanted to visit family after a bereavement or wanted to view some.places for a wedding and found having the dog really restrictive and it's hard to find a dog walker at the weekend at late notice for spontaneity. So I would.not jump to get a dog when you've already got children and a busy life!

Apologies if this has already been mentioned but Louise Glazebrook, dog behaviourist book entitled “The book your dog wishes you would read”, takes you from beginning to why your are getting dog, best breed for your family, breeders to avoid etc. Very comprehensive and highly recommended and worthwhile reading before you get a pup.

Having a dog is like having a baby or toddler that never grows up. Never. Plus they are more mobile than a toddler.
If your ok with that then go for it.

You have loads of friends with dogs? Instead of getting your own, offer to dog sit theirs if they're going out for the day or away for the weekend/week. That way you get to have loads of fun with all different dogs but none of the costs and they leave again before the novelty wears off.

If you don't want to get a dog then think about getting some rats. Dog-like personalities but in a much teenier package. They come when they are called, love a cuddle, do tricks, are very entertaining and are far cheaper. Walkies can be done from the comfort of your sofa whilst watching the telly of an evening.

I’ve got a dog, I’m at home all the time and I love her dearly but the commitment is huge for possibly the next 15 years. That’s 15 years of walking, clearing up poo, buying food, wormer, tick treatment, booster jabs, arranging care when you go abroad, vet visits when they’re sick. Add in worrying about Alabama Rot and any other random dog diseases you really do have to go into it with your eyes wide open.
You might like to think of renaming a slightly older dog IF you can cope with & overcome any behavioural issues the dog may have.

Any doubt in your mind, don't do it.
I like dogs. We always had then when I lived at home. We loved them and they were members of the family. But it also means I am very aware of the huge commitment they are and how they restrict some things you'd like to do.
My parents weren't into holidays. If we did go it would be in UK and the dogs would come. They weren't big into socialising either, mainly local stuff so dogs could be left at home for short spells or saw extended family (dogs would come too).
My mum worked part time and did most of the "dog labour". I would usually walk them in the early evening once I was in my teens but I did volunteer to do this. Even so I remember my mum moaning a lot about having to go out in the cold or get them settled for the night. She couldn't just go up to bed.
Tuesday was her busiest work day and typically if one of the dogs needed the vet it was always that day! Plus there was the shovelling up shit from the garden.

My kids would love a dog but I know it would end up being "mine" . I work full time, long days too. I'm just about juggling everything and anything else in the mix would be massively stressful. I don't like the cold, I don't like the rain. All my clothes are black so would show up dog hair! If I'm unwell I just want to flop into bed. I like going abroad for holidays and for weekends away.

I still like dogs ... But I won't be getting one.

I 100% can't be arsed to get a dog. It won't be happening.

What a shame more people don't think about dog ownership the way you do OP. There'd be far fewer unwanted dogs around.

I have a dog, she's nearly 11 years old now. I got her as a puppy when I retired. I love her dearly and she's company for me as I live alone but she is, and has always been, a massive commitment and tbh there are times when I think how much easier my life would be if I'd never got her.

When you have a dog everything has to be planned around them: holidays, days out, making sure they get walked every day regardless of weather and so on and so on.

And whilst they can give back an awful lot, unless you and your DH are absolutely committed to the idea of getting a dog, stick to your guns and do not do it.

Never get a dog, or any pet, when a child is the only one in the family that 'really wants one' because said child will very likely lose interest after a while and even if she doesn't lose interest she will, in all probability, leave home at some point during the dog's lifetime and you'll be left to look after and elderly dog that you never wanted in the first place.

They can be left for a couple of hours at a time and of course you can do spontaneous things just not things that last a very long time unless they go with you of course

We have 2 dogs. The youngest one is an 18 month old cockapoo. She lights up my life . If I were you I would get a small non-moulting dog such as a bichon friese . Once they have been trained they are no extra work at all . If one day you don't have time to take it for a walk then it'll be happy to run round the garden . Your DD can groom it while it's sat on her knee while she's watching Netflix

I don't have a dog and will never get one. I work out of the home for a start so it would be on its own all day. Plus I don't want the commitment. DS would love one but nope.

If you are not sure if you want a dog then do not get one.

My girl is 18 months old now and the absolute light of my world BUT having a dog can be hard work. I am always aware when I go out that I can't be too long because I don't like leaving her, they need a walk daily whether you want to go out or not. Never get a dog because your child wants one, when they have flown the nest they can have as many as you like but the reality is if you get one for her now, the novelty will wear off pretty quick and you will be left looking after the dog and all that comes with it. I got a dog knowing that I was solely responsible for her, relying on no one to help me out and that's the only way to do it. My girl (border terrier) is a pretty easy dog and getting her was one of the best things I have ever done, but I researched for ages, knew exactly what I was getting into and I bring her to work with me every day or I wouldn't have got her. If i had got her purely because my son wanted a dog, I would have been bitterly disappointed in his lack of interest (he hated the puppy stage as she was like a little shark but he loves her now) and would have been massively fed up about how much it can take over your life. Seriously, if you are not on board then do not get a dog.

Thanks to everyone for the discouragement! It's definitely what I needed to hear to make me realise that we're not the only ones without a dog and that it's the right decision for us not to have one, at least at the moment anyway. It's not the be all and end all of family life and we're complete even without a puppy (or rescue, or foster, or oldie!)

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life

^ This made me laugh!
I'm not sure if having to take the dog out 2-3 times a day, feeding the dog within a certain timframe and always having to rush home after X amount of hours because of the dog is having a bigger life!
Dogs are creatures of habit and because of that, they can also be very restrictive.

Having said that, I love my dogs and wouldn't want to be without them! But a bigger life to me would be one of many different experiences... and having a dog may be one of them, but a dog can also stop you having said experiences.

Read my user name! And no, I haven’t just changed it for this thread.

My work involves supporting people in raising and training their puppies or older, rescue dogs.

The amount of expense and stress, as well as alteration to your day to day life... and the hard work, that goes into either... If you aren't 100% sure you want a dog, do not get one.

I am fielding messages right now from people who WERE 100% on getting a dog... and are STILL struggling with toilet training, puppy play biting, recall, learning to be left alone (no you can't leave your puppy 9 hours with someone popping in at lunch as the lady I talked to this morning thought...).

I talk to folk who are crying with exhaustion and frustration at how wildly different actually raising a puppy is, compared to the vision of it they had from friends, relatives, books etc.

When you have a nice adult dog, and allthe work is done, it is lovely - I have 4.

When you have a puppy biting you, who can't sleep anywhere but next to you, you haven't been out without the puppy in weeks and everyone ELSE who wanted a puppy has somehow abdicated from any responsibility.. it isn't fun and ultimately, it IS the puppy who suffers in the end.

A friend dog sat for another friend who went on holiday. She got her teens properly involved in walks poo collection etc. By the end of the week the whole family teens included agreed they definitely didn’t want a dog after all. That was a useful exercise!

Going against the grain, getting our dog didn't really impact us much at all. Left him from day 1, left him alone to sleep from day 1 ( with puppy pads) didn't adhere to any sort of routine ( he got walked but not at regular times) , went to kennels for holidays etc etc. He's a happy, loving friendly little thing and has definitely added to our lives

I am the 'primary parent' in our house and work part time. My dc are 13 and 16 and we've had our dog for 7 years. We all adore him. We all wanted one. I do the majority of walking and dog care on weekdays. I don't resent it in the slightest but it does have a massive impact on what we (particularly I) can and can't do. If I could go back and make the decision again, would I still get a dog? I'm honestly not sure.

I have always said no to a dog. That it is too restrictive and too tying and is like having another toddler.

Then 4 years ago we fostered some rescue dogs, and ended up adopting one.

I absolutely love walking the dog every morning and I am so glad we have him, he is lovely.
BUT it is all the things I said it would be, a massive tie (what do you do with dog when you want to go and visit relatives for the weekend? - with the cat we have a friend who just comes in and leave food) You cannot leave the house for more than 4 hours. I do most of the walking depsite the promises of the teens.

Our saving grace is 2 sets of friends. One will pop in and play and feed and let him out for a wee, live very close and work from home and are really accommodating. The others have a dog and will have ours for the weekend and we have theirs. Without these two sets of friends we would be stuffed and I would resent the dog.

Other factors, we both work from home, so walking fits in. We adopted an adult dog (I shudder at the idea of a puppy weeing and chewing my house)

So my advice, despite the fact I love my dog, is don't do it.

@MsTSwift

A friend dog sat for another friend who went on holiday. She got her teens properly involved in walks poo collection etc. By the end of the week the whole family teens included agreed they definitely didn’t want a dog after all. That was a useful exercise!

we dog sat for my cousin every year.

Every year at the end of the week, I said we're never getting a dog.

One year I didn't. I thought I might think about a dog. That was when we started fostering rescue dogs as a way of dipping our toe int he water.

Dog sitting someone else's dog, preferably a nice well trained one, is a good way to see if this is for you.

@steppemum sounds like a sensible way to go about it.

We do borrow our friends' cockapoo from time to time and she's a lovely dog - but actually she's such an easy dog to look after (quite lazy, quiet, one poo a day) that my friend says she sets too high an expectation if we were to consider one of our own! A dose of reality, as other posters and their kids have experienced is probably a better trial of ownership!

@WiddlinDiddlin

My work involves supporting people in raising and training their puppies or older, rescue dogs.

The amount of expense and stress, as well as alteration to your day to day life... and the hard work, that goes into either... If you aren't 100% sure you want a dog, do not get one.

I am fielding messages right now from people who WERE 100% on getting a dog... and are STILL struggling with toilet training, puppy play biting, recall, learning to be left alone (no you can't leave your puppy 9 hours with someone popping in at lunch as the lady I talked to this morning thought...).

I talk to folk who are crying with exhaustion and frustration at how wildly different actually raising a puppy is, compared to the vision of it they had from friends, relatives, books etc.

When you have a nice adult dog, and allthe work is done, it is lovely - I have 4.

When you have a puppy biting you, who can't sleep anywhere but next to you, you haven't been out without the puppy in weeks and everyone ELSE who wanted a puppy has somehow abdicated from any responsibility.. it isn't fun and ultimately, it IS the puppy who suffers in the end.

Now this is definitely an eye-opener 

I just don't think I have the time, or headspace or mental resilience for all of that right now... whether a puppy or a rescue. Not fair to the dog either, as you rightly point out.