...NOT to get a dog?

[LizLemonsGlasses]

Yet another family we know has got a puppy - it genuinely feels like we're the only ones of our peer group not to have a dog!

My working circumstances have changed in a way which makes it much more doable for us, plus we live in a rural area, we like to walk and get outside, and I know that if we were to do it, it feels like now or never - DDs are 15 and 12 - and we would get the most of it as a family before we blink and the kids are off to uni or work or whatever.

I appreciate the benefits from a family and relationships perspective and all the wellbeing aspects of having a dog - for mental and physical health etc... but I still balk at the commitment and the extra layer of daily work and general organisation involved. There are times when I already find work/life balance difficult so adding a dog into the mix doesn't seem like a great idea. But then I read about how people do it and the dog can slot in and feels like they've always had it etc. etc.

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life' and while I love that idea, I just don't know if it's right for us - and then I feel a bit guilty, am I denying us a 'bigger life'??

This is technically all still hypothetical as DH remains less convinced than I am by that argument and we'd obviously have to be in agreement. And the solution can't be: get a cat - I am 100% a cat person and would love one but DH is definitely not (I could write a whole other thread about this )

DD1 begs for a dog on an almost daily basis - especially now most of her friends have got one! - and it's getting harder to say no convincingly and without wondering if we really are missing out.

Are we doing the right thing NOT to get a dog?? Are we saying no to something that would really enhance our family life, and will we regret not giving ourselves and the DDs this life experience? Tell me we're not the only ones who still don't have a dog?!

can be quite expensive!

Too many people bought puppies in haste during lockdown, and then neglected them. I see so many basically untrained dogs, with zero recall running around. And there seems to be a lot more dog mess around too, out walking now I’m looking down a lot of the time.

Yanbu. The commitment and work just puts me off. It wouldn't be fair to the pet as well.

I’d love a dog. Feasibly we could get one. DH works shifts meaning he’s usually always home at some point during the day 90% of the time. I mostly work from home and have flexible hours. We have a great enclosed garden. DCat is quite ambivalent to the existence of anything not herself (rude bitch) and we’re quite an outdoorsy family.

But at the end of the day, as great as a little doggy sounds, it also sends a cold chill up my spine. It’s essentially taking on another child (training, walking, teaching, feeding, entertaining, looking after, ensuring routine) although to a lesser extent. You can’t leave them for long periods, what do you do during holidays? The children are finally at an age where we have a relative level of spontaneity. We can nip out at a drop, DH and I can easily leave them with my mum because no one is in nappies or in need of holding, we like to go away on mini breaks and we couldn’t do that as much.

I love dogs but I don’t think owning one is for me at the moment. Never say never though.

It's a huge commitment - all the additional logistics when it comes to daily trips (are dogs allowed?), holidays etc.
Also, having a puppy is like having a baby that has teeth and can move and destroy things at a very considerable speed.
On the other side, it's a joy. For us, it made the lockdown easier in terms of having to go out with the dog, keeps us fit because we are out every day, any weather. And the love is immense.

It’s a shame you can’t get a cat as they make such loving, loyal pets and are very easy to look after compared with dogs. People with dogs often appreciate having someone local they can trust to get to know their pet and look after them when they are away, or on a long day out … maybe you could offer to do this for one of your friends with a dog, which is used to children ? You’d be helping them out, you’d have the pleasure of a dogs company on occasion, and you’d get a better idea of how you all deal with it. I currently do this with a neighbours dog, who sees our house as a home from home, and occasionally do it with a friends dog.

Same situation as you - kids same age. During lockdown many of my peers got dogs.
We are not getting a dog. I have enough to do. I have no doubt dogs are lovely and bring joy. They also bring commitment, mess, and expense plus they require lots of attention and I just don't have anything left.

Just the fact that its 'doable'- doesn't make it a good idea. Its not appealing to you for all the reasons you've already outlined. You may spend the next 15 years resenting the dog/resenting your family for convincing you the dog was a good idea, even if you love the dog. Plus what is the chance that the person responsible for organising the dog (walks, kennels, training, food, medical treatment etc) ends up being you. More life admin.

Don't get the dog!

I’ve got one who I love and adore.
However, I now can’t go away on holiday because of separation anxiety and my dog sitter being too old now.
Don’t get one unless you are 110% sure you want one.

I would never get a dog. I'm not a pet person, although everyone else in the family would love one. I personally think it's too much of a commitment, even something like a hamster. At your kids ages I 100% wouldn't unless you are desparate for one yourself. Even then, if get a rescue and not a puppy. Too many dogs in this world already.

I do and don't get it. It is a huge commitment and you always have to factor in the dog when planning stuff.

We got a dog instead of having annual holidays. I love her but she is high maintenance. We had realistic expectations for costs and care but she got ill as a pup and developed allergies so costing us much more than we expected (over £2k a year now, 6yr). More planning involved if you want to do anything but that just becomes the norm eventually. Dh was the one who wanted a dog but I am the one who does the bulk of her care, can be a bit much at times as we also have 6 kids but I'm glad we have her.

Don't do it.

But if you DO do it, just don't for the love of god get a puppy - that's you done for the next 15 years.

If I were in your shoes, with older children - I'd look at possibly POSSIBLY an adult rescue dog

• not babies so more eligible for rescue dogs/not such a risk/they will be able to treat the dog carefully etc
• not so longterm commitment - a 7-8 year old rescue about right? - so you're not stuck for years in the immediate aftermath or kids leaving home.
• no puppy stage!

But generally no don't. We don't have one, they're endemic here and it's fashion - nothing else. Few of the families we know with dogs are doing their best by them.

Dog sit for your friends instead of actually getting a dog. Honestly it's great. You get to spend time with a dog and form a bond while the owners are on holiday or whatever, but you have none of the expense or hassle of being tied down. Your friends will LOVE the free dog sitting with a trusted friend who knows their dog.

I was the reluctant dog getter in our home. I now wouldn't be without him, he is my shadow and my biggest fan. I love him so much, he calms me, keeps me company, follows me like a sheep.

There are cons tho :.
You cannot just book a random night away anywhere because you obviously can't leave the dog alone. This is hard. Same for going to dinner, out to places you can't bring him.
Getting reliable dog care is very hard and not cheap.
He needs walked in all weathers, when you're sick, hungover, have to get stuff done.
They're expensive.
There's a very high chance that you'll end up the main walker/feeder/poo picker/ vomit cleaner of said dog.

If you've any single doubt in your head, don't do it.

@LizLemonsGlasses

Yet another family we know has got a puppy - it genuinely feels like we're the only ones of our peer group not to have a dog!

My working circumstances have changed in a way which makes it much more doable for us, plus we live in a rural area, we like to walk and get outside, and I know that if we were to do it, it feels like now or never - DDs are 15 and 12 - and we would get the most of it as a family before we blink and the kids are off to uni or work or whatever.

I appreciate the benefits from a family and relationships perspective and all the wellbeing aspects of having a dog - for mental and physical health etc... but I still balk at the commitment and the extra layer of daily work and general organisation involved. There are times when I already find work/life balance difficult so adding a dog into the mix doesn't seem like a great idea. But then I read about how people do it and the dog can slot in and feels like they've always had it etc. etc.

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life' and while I love that idea, I just don't know if it's right for us - and then I feel a bit guilty, am I denying us a 'bigger life'??

This is technically all still hypothetical as DH remains less convinced than I am by that argument and we'd obviously have to be in agreement. And the solution can't be: get a cat - I am 100% a cat person and would love one but DH is definitely not (I could write a whole other thread about this )

DD1 begs for a dog on an almost daily basis - especially now most of her friends have got one! - and it's getting harder to say no convincingly and without wondering if we really are missing out.

Are we doing the right thing NOT to get a dog?? Are we saying no to something that would really enhance our family life, and will we regret not giving ourselves and the DDs this life experience? Tell me we're not the only ones who still don't have a dog?!

I’m very happy about not getting “the big life” because owning an animal, keeping it and controlling it has no appeal to me whatsoever.

Dogs are a long commitment and the only reason to get one is because you really want one , not because a child wants one . Your eldest will likely be away to uni before a dog even hits middle age . Your daughters are at school so it will be down to you and your husband to do the bulk of the house training etc .

You don't need anyone's permission. Nobody is legally obliged to have a dog and it is not a requirement of any religion I have ever heard of. You clearly don't want a dog. I think you need to tell your daughter firmly that the subject is closed and to stop pestering. She might like to consider volunteering at a dog rescue centre.

I wouldn't get a puppy, they are far too much work! If you sort of do want a dog but are worried about 15 years commitment and how it will work out have a look at The Oldies Club website. We have had three older dogs now and they have all been perfect guests and family members. Lovely dogs who have lost their homes in slightly later life can be well trained and bidable in the way a puppy is not. I'm not quite sure how our first got into rescue but he was a super old gentleman, and very loving. The second had been put into rescue when his owner got married and her husband didn't want them to have a dog. The third, our current dog, is a star, travels well, loves walks and can do tricks ( we discovered that by accident when asking her to do something and not expecting a response) She had been put in kennels and left there under a false owners name.
We have had our present dog for 2 years, she is twelve and full of life and energy, but we know it won't be forever and we will give her the best of lives while she is with us. Maybe there is a friendly little dog with a grey muzzle out there for you?

How bloody irresponsible of the “choose the bigger life” pusher to try to persuade anyone to get a dog. They are such an almighty commitment and not something anyone should take a risk on if not 100% certain.

You’re allowed to not get a dog OP. Whilst I’m sure most people with dogs are glad they have them, the number of posts on MM where the OP has 3 kids, 2 dogs, a cat and a full time job and is unhappily living a very very busy and messy life shows that not everyone is overjoyed with the work and mental load they bring. Don’t have any child or any pet you’re not 100% committed to and very keen to have.

However if the opportunity ever arose to take in a dog who needed a home (abandoned/someone getting rid) I’d take it in in a heartbeat and would be honoured doing so.

I have a strange draw to rescuing things in need. It’s how I found DH in all honesty.

@Xmassprout

A dog won't enrich your lives if you don't actually want a dog.

Don't do it unless you really want to

Thanks for all the down to earth messages MNers! Especially to @Xmassprout and all those who've reinforced her words of wisdom! This is true - and it applies to the 'bigger life' theory. As some pps have already explained, it's about choosing what is the bigger life for you - ie that could be getting a dog to enrich family life, or it could be not getting a dog so that you have more time/money to travel more and embrace spontaneity. Perhaps I need to lean more into that side of it - I suppose the pandemic has obviously made 'enriching home life' more of an achievable option than travel of late, but hopefully that will soon change...

@CMOTDibbler your test for commitment to dog life is a good one! However, I also like the suggestion for DD1 that perhaps she could volunteer at a rescue, that's perhaps something that we could pursue in the not too distant - could be a good idea.

I've also considered fostering or rescueing an adult dog - I've literally thought about all the options to see if I can hit on the perfect solution! - but I do realise neither of these things are the easy option, and the uncertainty that ANY dog brings in terms of behaviour is probably one of the main things which puts me off. It must be really hard to deal with an anxiour or reactive dog and would really take the shine off doggy life I'm guessing. And I DO NOT need the additional life admin that any dog or puppy would bring.

@Wineisoverrated we're obviously in a similar position, and you're right, the idea of giving up some of the freedom we're gaining with the kids being older doesn't appeal either.

A cat, as some have suggested, would be the perfect pet for us, I think - I so wish DH would change his mind on this one

@RogersVideo and others who have said this - dogsitting might be our best way to dip into dog life without the commitment. We do very occasionally have our friends' dog for a day or two, so maybe we need to do this more and find others we can dog-sit - shouldn't be too difficult with all these new puppies on the scene! 🙄😆

We have 2 dogs and a cat and they really do enhance our lives, it's a huge commitment though both in money and time as one dog is elderly, one young and full of beans so we end up doing 6 walks a day, 2 long ones with the young one alone and 4 short ones with both. I think they have a positive effect on children's mental health too, my 13 year old son really loves our cat.
However, a barky, badly-behaved, poorly socialised reactive dog with any chronic health issues eg allergic skin disease, could make your life a whole heap worse so you ANBU in saying no to a dog unless you really want one and unless you are prepared to do a lot of research and training.

How much of a ‘not a cat person’ is your DH?

There are some breeds of cat that are very intelligent and cat like. Could that possible work?

I personally dont understand why anyone wants a dog for several reasons.

effort.
1 you have to take them out for walks.
2 you have to clean up after them and they piss and poop everywhere.
I dont understand why you want to in essence spend at least 7+ years with an extra child that wont even grow out of having to have its shit cleaned up after it.

environmental.
1 They eat meat thus adding to the global problem of meat consumption and the climate change that behaviour causes.
2 they spread illness and parasites between other animals on their travels, for example sheep ticks.
3 the poop and piss again, dog shit is very bad for the environment it is classed as an environmental hazard.

genetics and history.
1 dogs have been GM'ed to suit our whims so much that its led to many breeds living short lives with many health complaints due to genetics. its just cruel to continue breeding them as fashion items, even the ones that resemble their wild ancestors like german shepherds have spinal problems etc due to the breed being designed with a certain look in mind.

get a rabbit or something instead, a tortoise perhaps thats a pet for life and low maintenance.

You don’t have to get a dog!! But I know that endless churn of requests for one!!!

The stars seemed to align for us last September, a cousins bitch was unexpectedly pregnant by the next farms dog… surprise!

And here I am with a five month old beautiful, scrappy little mongrel who I secretly think is MY dog and it’s just been a bloody breeze - I have no idea why it’s working so well but it just is. She has just ‘become’ one of us. The kids are genuinely besotted, caring and thoughtful with her.

I still have to source help for when I travel for work…

But all in, epic.

But you do not have to get a dog!!

Now is the perfect time of year to 'practice' dog walking morning and night with family members who are begging for a dog, going out whatever the weather and picking up any poops that have been left by others, i can almost guarantee its won't last longer than a week.