...NOT to get a dog?

[LizLemonsGlasses]

Yet another family we know has got a puppy - it genuinely feels like we're the only ones of our peer group not to have a dog!

My working circumstances have changed in a way which makes it much more doable for us, plus we live in a rural area, we like to walk and get outside, and I know that if we were to do it, it feels like now or never - DDs are 15 and 12 - and we would get the most of it as a family before we blink and the kids are off to uni or work or whatever.

I appreciate the benefits from a family and relationships perspective and all the wellbeing aspects of having a dog - for mental and physical health etc... but I still balk at the commitment and the extra layer of daily work and general organisation involved. There are times when I already find work/life balance difficult so adding a dog into the mix doesn't seem like a great idea. But then I read about how people do it and the dog can slot in and feels like they've always had it etc. etc.

I heard Gretchen Rubin on a podcast advocating for getting a dog - she did it as a way of 'choosing the bigger life' and while I love that idea, I just don't know if it's right for us - and then I feel a bit guilty, am I denying us a 'bigger life'??

This is technically all still hypothetical as DH remains less convinced than I am by that argument and we'd obviously have to be in agreement. And the solution can't be: get a cat - I am 100% a cat person and would love one but DH is definitely not (I could write a whole other thread about this )

DD1 begs for a dog on an almost daily basis - especially now most of her friends have got one! - and it's getting harder to say no convincingly and without wondering if we really are missing out.

Are we doing the right thing NOT to get a dog?? Are we saying no to something that would really enhance our family life, and will we regret not giving ourselves and the DDs this life experience? Tell me we're not the only ones who still don't have a dog?!

We have ddog. We all adore him- he's a cockapoo- hated on Mumsnet but a great family pet! Doesn't shed and so so friendly and slotted in great. My entire extended family adore him.

Got him as a playmate really for dc as we couldn't have anymore dc. Didn't want a household revolving around dc all the time and it has worked so well!

Positives: so loving. Brings so much joy and happiness, he is one of the family. Keeps us active with walks. Hard to put into words what he brings- but he gives more than he takes.

Negatives: costs a lot. Takes a lot of consideration/ thought/ planning. We have family nearby so they have him when we go away and we pay for dog day care for 1-2 days per week when at work.
Dc would love another but no way.
They are restrictive. We're lucky that we could afford to have 2 week long haul holidays but I wouldn't leave him. I love him too much.

Have said to dh when ddog not here we're going to take a year or two and do the things we now can't (safari etc) but I would totally get a dog again. They're amazing companions and has helped us all so much during lockdown.

Haven't RTFT (only half!) but need to get some sleep.
I'm a cat person. However, always said I'd like a dog.
Put it off for a few years. Started thinking seriously and researched for a year, especially when the the eldest kept going on!. Made sure my parents were supportive (I'm a single parent so would need their help occasionally).

I got him in March. It nearly tipped me over the edge. I ended up crying most days, had various symptoms so the doctor put me on propanolol.
He is good at home but reactive outside to dogs and mainly men. We found a trainer that's really positive (previous one was shit) so are working hard at overcoming these things.

I love him, but it's taken till now for me to feel happier. And I doubt I'd do it again. I feel guilty for saying I regret him. But he has made life harder. I think he thinks his name is "prick" now, too 🤣

I'd post a picture here if it wouldn't out me. He's the most gorgeous dog!

Funny how some kids beg their arse off for a dog yet once said mutt goes past the puppy stage, they then have 0 interest in it.
Dogs are wifework.
You'll be doing all the grunt work, the 3 walks a day and everything else.
Say no.
Your kids can get a dog in a few years, after they move out.

@DorothyBinns

If you are not all on board then definitely don't do it.

DH and I both work full time and have generally busy lives. He wanted a puppy, I didn't. He found a breeder - I wavered, still said no. He bought the puppy anyway. I hate the mess, the smell, the disruption, the expense, the poo and holes dug in the garden, the fact that dog walkers let themselves in when we're both at work, being stared at when I'm cooking and eating, the fact that we can't be spontaneous...the list goes on. it's definitely affected my marriage as I gave all these reasons before the puppy arrived and I was ignored.

Who knows though - often you hear about a partner who didn't want a dog and now they wouldn't be without it.

I'd probably have castrated the DH while he was sleeping for that.

That is a true high level of cuntishness from him.

If your not 100% then no, you shouldn't have a dog.

For example, I booked a last minute weekend away and was able to book my dog into kennels. It's an added expense and we were lucky that our kennels had space. There has been lots of occasions when we have had to miss out (which is no big deal to us , but would bother other ppl).

Also, kids always wants a dog until it's winter and they need to walk them at 6am before school in the rain / wind / snow. Not ideal if your kids struggle getting out of bed and u already have a busy morning schedule.

Please also keep in mind the impact they have i your house. My dog is short haired but he casts like a mad thing and we need the carpets cleaned every few months due to muddy paws etc.

I love being a dog owner. But it's not for everyone and it's a huge commitment. Your not being unreasonable for having doubts and in fact , it's quite refreshing for someone to be more realistic about pet ownership . It's not always easy !

From experience of seeing family and friends do just this, getting a dog is not in a million years “choosing a bigger life”. In your situation I wouldn’t get one because you don’t want one. It’s ok not to want on. It doesn’t make you lesser or sociopathic or strange. It makes you perfectly normal.

*If you are not all on board then definitely don't do it.

DH and I both work full time and have generally busy lives. He wanted a puppy, I didn't. He found a breeder - I wavered, still said no. He bought the puppy anyway. I hate the mess, the smell, the disruption, the expense, the poo and holes dug in the garden, the fact that dog walkers let themselves in when we're both at work, being stared at when I'm cooking and eating, the fact that we can't be spontaneous...the list goes on. it's definitely affected my marriage as I gave all these reasons before the puppy arrived and I was ignored.

Who knows though - often you hear about a partner who didn't want a dog and now they wouldn't be without it.*

Oh my goodness.
That puppy would have been plopped straight into its carrier and taken back to the breeder in my case. And my husband would have been sleeping in the porch for the next... year?

Your husband is an absolute twat. You don't get a dog unless everyone in the family wants it.

The trick is to get an "easy" breed and not to go for popular high energy dogs like Labradors, Spaniels, Poodles and Poodle mixes etc.

We got a pug and he is the easiest, cuddliest, laziest, friendliest dog ever. As long as he is fed, he sleeps almost all day on the sofa (usually on the electric blanket). He was extended easy to potty train as well.

extremely easy*

But then I really dislike cats, so I cannot understand the thinking of a "cat person"

I've wanted a dog my whole life, but never felt in a position where I could 'do right by one' (working, single parenting). In my 60s now I plan to get a rescue when I retire. I love walking and live alone, so will be able to devote time and energy to it. I walk to work and frequently pass a dog walker with a puppy and an elderly dog in a pram, hence my username.
I can't wait

YANBU not to get a dog when you don’t want one. And YANBU not to want one.

I got bullied persuaded into getting a dog. I’ll be honest - it’s one of the few decisions I’ve made in my life that I really regret. He’s turned out to be a very anxious and challenging dog, which is very stressful and isolating (can’t have friends over to our house etc), but I don’t think I’d enjoy being a dog owner even if he were laidback and loving.

I have two and they are a big commitment. If you got one you will be the main dog walker - I have yet to see a family where the kids do the walking (unless they are going to do it before school, and it's not reasonable to expect them too, plus the dog will need walking again before they are back).
My friend got a dog - too big and powerful for her. Her kids and husband did the majority of that, but now they've grown up moved out and she's also getting a divorce and is 'stuck' with a dog she can barely cope with.
Going away you either bring dog or be prepared for expensive kennelling/dog sitter. When I go away for two weeks at Xmas (so no friends willing to take them on then) it's £650 plus.
Everyone needs to be 100% on board with it.

I think all of our friends have dogs. They are cute but such a tie. Visiting us for weekends is a problem (we have cats) so the dogs need sitting. Even going out for dinner "we can't leave the dog too long as he gets lonely". And the mess and poo cleaning. And overseas holidays require so much planning and expense.

Dogs are very sweet (mostly) and I like quite a few of the ones I know, but unless you are ready to do all of,the work and make all of,the sacrifices I'd say no.

Oh, and the 'bigger life' is just social media wankery

Pugs and many others are examples of cruel breeding.
Vets call them "anatomical disasters" many suffering a lifetime of breathing difficulties and eye problems.
They have been deformed by mankind, and I would like to see the breed banned.
www.boredpanda.com/pugs-malformed-inbred-animals-not-cute-tumblr-thread/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

The trick is to get an "easy" breed and not to go for popular high energy dogs like Labradors, Spaniels, Poodles and Poodle mixes etc.

We got a pug and he is the easiest, cuddliest, laziest, friendliest dog ever. As long as he is fed, he sleeps almost all day on the sofa (usually on the electric blanket). He was extended easy to potty train as well.

Nothing wrong with a Labrador. Pugs however, thanks to rigorous selective breeding, are in a permanent state of respiratory distress, which is probably why yours spends all it’s time sleeping.

@catwomando

Oh, and the 'bigger life' is just social media wankery

@catwomando a truer word never was spoken.

I know loads of people who got lockdown dogs and all of them moan about their pets. Think for a lot of people it was a mistake they now regret. Unsurprising as dogs are pretty inconvenient. Like a pp I think dog owners have smaller lives than other people because they can't do as much and they have less money to spare.

Yanbu.
We are having a dog conversation right now and while I think we will get one we have agreed that everyone needs to be 100% on board. With older kids that would mean taking responsibility for walking etc

I pestered my parents for a dog and we got one when I was about 10. I loved her to pieces but my mum ended up doing 90% of the “dog work”(excuse the pun). Tread very carefully.

Oh and once we got the dog and she didn’t like the kennels, that was basically the death knell for family holidays.

Last year we chose a pup. It was from a reputable rescue company, passed all the checks etc. he was only very young, we chose a name, paid a deposit and did a LOT of research into it. Hours and hours of reading.

A week before he was ready I got cold feet. And I knew and always said to myself if I had any doubts before picking him up, no matter how big or small, not to do it. We had to be 100% both sure as it's a huuuuge commitment.

We didn't get the puppy. And I'm super glad we didn't as Dd1 is only 1, we ended up moving home and life three in lots of obstacles, health reasons etc etc what seemed like the perfect time on paper, really turned into the worst time in reality.
I don't have any regrets, I didn't want to go in blinded and be one of those owners who ends up rehoming the poor thing because I didn't have the mental or physical time to put my all into this puppy, which is what each dog deserves.

We will get one, one day. But it will be years down the line when DD is no longer a toddler and we have a bigger garden.

We ended up buying a house bunny. Still a little of work and commitment, any animal is. But what it came down to, is we wanted a furry friend but in all honesty we weren't ready for the work she commitment for the puppy with the events that came up.

We have a happy house buns who is very well looked after, a happy home and zero regrets about not picking up that dog.

Long story short, unless you are ALL 100% ready to the commitment, hours of training, appointments, jabs, insurance, sleepless nights, noisy nights, daily whatever the weather walks, the fact that the pup may have a total different temperament to what you expect, health complications, chewing everything, please please don't.

Wait until you're both ready. Until you WANT to do all those things above, as well as all the good stuff that comes with a pup.

I know not everyone likes cats, but honestly as someone who has both, I get about 80% of the things a dog brings also from my cat.

The one big thing I don't get is walking, and I love walking my dog, even on rainy cold days. Good boots and coat and it is fab being out in the weather.

The cat gives, cuddles affection, company, entertainment, etc etc.
But zero ties and very low commitment.
I think they are also massively less likely to need expensive treatment.

Just a whole other league.

I love dogs, and would like one, but they are huge commitment so I wouldn’t.

Extra jobs on top of extra jobs can kill ya. Get a dog later in life when your commitments are less. If your DDs have friends with dogs, they can hang out with those.

Nothing against Gretchen Rubin, but that’s just a meaningless sound bite, not having a dog could equally lead to a bigger life if it meant you could travel more, do whatever more.

@steppemum

I know not everyone likes cats, but honestly as someone who has both, I get about 80% of the things a dog brings also from my cat.

The one big thing I don't get is walking, and I love walking my dog, even on rainy cold days. Good boots and coat and it is fab being out in the weather.

The cat gives, cuddles affection, company, entertainment, etc etc.
But zero ties and very low commitment.
I think they are also massively less likely to need expensive treatment.

Just a whole other league.

Totally agree with you on this @steppemum, including the walking thing! I love to be outside. Agree a cat gives you the rest of the household pet experience though, without some of the main downsides of dog ownership. Just wish I could convince DH of this I suppose it's the reason I've put myself in the position of considering a dog - because it's the only household pet I think he might tolerate.

He's not really an animal person but does like dogs. He's not very keen for us to get one either tbh but does occasionally show vague interest - whereas he won't even entertain the idea of a cat. Ironically, the reasons he gives for not getting one are: they smell, are bitey and damage your stuff - all the main downsides I think you would usually associate with having a dog!

I must admit it makes me really sad that I won't be a cat owner for the foreseeable future, or may never be. I love cats and I'm confident that owning one would most likely enrich my life and family life in a way that I'm now pretty sure having a dog would not...