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To not think I should have to have in laws staying overnight?
184

olderandwiserx · 18/01/2022 21:44

Dh loves to have his parents visit to see our young children and so he can enjoy time with them. They live quite far away and it's a bit too far for a day visit. I've suggested meet ups half way and us going to stay at there's but it is tricky with kids and work. We do sometimes stay at there's overnight but we have a little one, 18 months, and I find it's just easier not to.

Aibu that I like the privacy of my home and I don't like to have to keep rearranging bedrooms, cleaning like a mad woman, meal planning, shopping and playing host?

I don't for a minute mean I don't want us to see them, I love seeing them, just not such frequent overnight visits. Am I the abnormal one here?

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GrandRapids · 18/01/2022 21:45

How frequent are we talking? and is it one night or more?

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TheSnowyOwl · 18/01/2022 21:46

I think it all depends on how often and for long.

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granny24 · 18/01/2022 21:47

Unless they are horrible people, you are being totally unreasonable.

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cabingirl · 18/01/2022 21:47

How many times a month do they want to stay?

I love family staying but also find it draining so would limit it to once a month.

But if that's too much for you what about you have them to yours once every other month and then DH takes the kids to theirs in the alternate month? You could stay at home and have a relaxing time at home.

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PurpleDaisies · 18/01/2022 21:48

It depends how often you’re talking about.
Dh’s parents stay in a local hotel when they visit. Their choice but it works well.

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Szyz2020 · 18/01/2022 21:49

Does your DH clean and rearrange bedrooms and play host? Would they notice / care / comment if the house wasn’t pristine? Does he plan the meals and cook for them?

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Returnoftheowl · 18/01/2022 21:49

How often are these visits? It does sound like you aren't keen to stay with them or meet half way due to the kids and you don't want them at yours either... as it's too far for a day visit you seen to have ruled it's all the options.

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BuanoKubiamVej · 18/01/2022 21:49

How come you are taking the responsibility for rearranging bedrooms, cleaning like mad, meal planning, shopping and playing host? What's your DH doing towards these efforts?

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Mum2jenny · 18/01/2022 21:49

My dd loves me to stay with her and her dh as it takes the pressure off her when dealing with my dgd. But I’ve only ever stayed for 2 nights.

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HelloDulling · 18/01/2022 21:50

You don’t want them to stay, you don’t want to stay there, and it’s also not convenient to meet half way. No, you are not being reasonable. You are being selfish. But, you are allowed, and your DH can take some leave visit by himself/with your children.

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Sorenka7 · 18/01/2022 21:50

Why doesn’t your DH do the rearranging, cleaning, meal-planning etc? I think it’s hard to refuse to have them but you’re certainly within your rights not to do the leg work.

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HeadToToesNo · 18/01/2022 21:51

Depends how often. My DP live 5 hours away so stay the night when they visit. My MIL lives 7 hours away so usually stays for a week at a time. I don't love either visiting, but it's the only way they see the DGC so I put up with it.

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RoseMartha · 18/01/2022 21:51

As others have said it depends on how long the visit and how frequently

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Smorgasborb · 18/01/2022 21:51

I think it's unreasonable to not have the ILS stay over on occasions if they are miles away

It is not unreasonable to then sack off 'cleaning like a mad woman, meal planning, shopping and plying host'.

Do bare minimum cleaning, get takeaways/go out or make easy to scale up dinners (pasta, roasts) and they are adults so can sort themselves out.

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IHaveToSay · 18/01/2022 21:52

How often do they want to stay?

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PinkSyCo · 18/01/2022 22:03

YANBU to like the privacy of your own home but YABU for not being willing to forgo it for your DH’s family and also for giving mixed them messages by suggesting you stay at theirs but then not wanting to stay at theirs. Meeting halfway might be ok occasionally but it’s a bit impersonal. Saying all this why is it you that has to do all the organising, cleaning and hosting. Stop being a martyr and get your husband to do his fair share.

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SearchingStar · 18/01/2022 22:07

YANBU to not want people to stay over. I suppose it is more complex if they live further away as they do need somewhere to stay so it does depend on frequency. I hate people staying over, like the privacy of my own home! I like having people visit but then I like them to go home!!

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rookiemere · 18/01/2022 22:09

How long is the drive?

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SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 18/01/2022 22:12

Why do you need to clean like mad? I never understand this. Surely you just let them stay in your house the way it is and if they don't like it then tough?

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MrsWinters · 18/01/2022 22:13

I disagree with you on the privacy issue, but agree totally on the work involved. Having in-laws staying can be hard work and exhausting, your DH really needs to be stepping-up on the organising and planning, if he’s not, then they need to come less frequently.

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Ipadflowers · 18/01/2022 22:13

I think you forgot to say how frequent is frequent and why are you doing all the preparation work? Is there something that causes your husband to be unable to clean, Cook, meal plan and re arrange bedrooms?

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AliceW89 · 18/01/2022 22:14

Fully depends on how frequent, ‘frequent overnight visits’ are.

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NoSquirrels · 18/01/2022 22:14

How frequent?

If you don’t live near family, dint want to stay with them and don’t want to host, then offering to pay for a hotel is your other option.

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Crunched · 18/01/2022 22:14

My MIL always says she comes to see the family, not to check the cleanliness of the house, I'm sure yours feels the same.
Also, surely your DH does the majority of the hosting, re-arrangements etc. as he knows what will suit his parents?

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Morechocolatethanbarbara · 18/01/2022 22:14

If your DH wants his parents to stay then he cleans, cooks, does the sheets and bed changing, shops, cooks, entertains and clears up after.

If the burden is on him rather than you EVERY time, he'll probably invite them less anyway Wink

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