Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

As a parent do you think this should be run past you or not?

202 replies

sparklins · 12/01/2022 20:23

2 DCs 6 and 3 - DGPs 2-3 times a month collect them from school/nursery and have them for dinner, not a babysitting arrangement as we don't need it but the DGPs have asked as they enjoy having them.

DGPs have allowed 6yo to go next door into a classmates house to play whilst leaving 4yo with them.

Would you expect for this to be run past you prior to DGPs allowing your 6yo to go to someone elses house without one of them present or would you be ok with it since it's a classmate?

YABU - I'd be ok with it
YANBU - they should have checked with you first

OP posts:
Mumofsend · 12/01/2022 20:26

It's a classmate. Wouldn't bother me.

Hospedia · 12/01/2022 20:28

It wouldn't bother me as I trust my parents/DC grandparents to make decisions when I'm not there.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 12/01/2022 20:29

I wouldn't be too bothered by it being a classmate, however it would be nice to be told "so and so is going next door to play at such and such's, they're in the same class" so more of a courtesy, this is where your child is. Iyswim?

NoKnit · 12/01/2022 20:29

It's also GPs neighbours so I assume they know and trust the parents?

This wouldn't bother me I think you are being precious and assume nit picking your in-laws

TheChip · 12/01/2022 20:31

No that wouldnt need to be ran past me. I'd like to be asked if it was okay if my child was being taken to a house further away. But next door, in the same street or surrounding streets, no.

ditalini · 12/01/2022 20:31

I'd be fine with it.

sweetcheekweak · 12/01/2022 20:31

YABU

It's a classmate

You trust their judgement I presume, otherwise why let them care for your children multiple times a week

Hemingwayzcatz · 12/01/2022 20:32

It’s a classmate and assuming also GP’s neighbour so no issue at all.

MajorCarolDanvers · 12/01/2022 20:32

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I trust GPs.

SpinsForGin · 12/01/2022 20:34

It wouldn't bother me at all. My ILs have done something similar and I just thought it was nice for DS to play with a friend 🤷🏼‍♀️

pinkiepiee · 12/01/2022 20:35

I would want to be consulted. Possibly I'm a more anxious parent than others.

waterrat · 12/01/2022 20:36

I'd be happy they had a friendly arrangement with the neighbours. So much of this kind of neighbourly relationships have been lost to children in recent years.

My children's play with their neighbours is something I really value and think is precious.

Wouldn't even occur to me to think it needed permission or to be asked about. Especially as its q classmate

jackfrosttoes · 12/01/2022 20:36

Yabu - I'm a fairly anxious parent but they are classmates and your GP neighbours - that's two verifications that they're ok.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 12/01/2022 20:37

I’d be fine with it. I’d be more upset if they hadn’t let my dd go to her classmate’s house and miss out on a play date as she would have been really upset. If the grandparents know you know the family I don’t se why they’d need to ask. Surely you wouldn’t say no?

HikingforScenery · 12/01/2022 20:37

I wouldn’t like it. They should’ve asked.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/01/2022 20:39

Yabu

Youdoyoutoday · 12/01/2022 20:39

Why does it bother you?
I can't really see the problem, it's not like they've sent him to play with dodgy Bob, the strange man that looks a bit like Jimmy Saville is it?

Unless you think the classmate and family are untrustworthy in some respect?

laravix · 12/01/2022 20:39

I really think they should have asked as they're no longer the ones watching your child. You hadn't agreed to let anyone else take on that responsibility.

Italiandreams · 12/01/2022 20:40

If I am trusting someone to look after my children I have to trust them to make judgement calls, is my take on it. If I didn't trust them to make decisions I wouldn't leave my child in their care.

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/01/2022 20:40

@jackfrosttoes

Yabu - I'm a fairly anxious parent but they are classmates and your GP neighbours - that's two verifications that they're ok.
I’d agree.

I know it’s the age of anxiety, but you can only let it curtail life so far.,

TenThousandSpoons · 12/01/2022 20:41

I’d be fine with this. However, once my kids were playing at a friend’s house and they then went to play at the kids next door house and I did feel a bit weird about that when the mum told me. I think it’s them not being where you thought they were. But if they rang and asked you’d say yes that’s fine.

LethargicActress · 12/01/2022 20:41

I’d expect to be told after it happened, but if they’re doing regular childcare, I think you have to be able to trust them with little things like this. It was a classmates family, not someone you don’t know.

DarkCorner · 12/01/2022 20:41

I’d be fine with it. It’s next door and a classmate. I assume GPs know whether you do play dates, any issues etc. I’d think it’s lovely that they have a classmate next door.

noworklifebalance · 12/01/2022 20:44

@laravix

I really think they should have asked as they're no longer the ones watching your child. You hadn't agreed to let anyone else take on that responsibility.
This. Unlikely that I would refuse but I would expect to be asked.
MajesticElephant · 12/01/2022 20:47

I insist on knowing who is looking after my child and it is not a task that can be delegated without my consent. I was sexually assaulted in a similar circumstance as a child and the outcome was probably made worse by the fact my parents didn’t know I’d been in that persons house.