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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be in such trouble for seeing my son tonight.

338 replies

EllsandMum · 06/01/2022 23:56

My son has had quite difficult behavioural issues as a teen, due to a result of this he’s ended up in voluntary care.

I see him once a week of an evening to go for a meal or coffee as my husband won’t let him in the house.

Now every time it’s contact day my husband will pick all day and then just before it’s time to leave blow up an argument saying that I’m selfish asking him to look after the little ones because it’s not fair for him to cook tea for them whilst I’m on a jolly.

I said it’s 5-7 due to by the time he finishes school it’s easier that way and only once a week, I do tea bath etc every other night of the week.

My husband is saying that I’m abandoning our little ones for my son and it’s just breaking my heart as he’s saying it’s not doable and isn’t happening anymore.

I offered to do a different day but he said no because any day doesn’t work for him.

Now he’s asking me to move out.
I feel so alone and low.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 06/01/2022 23:58

He’s a cunt - stand up for your kids - he needs to leave

GrandTheftWalrus · 06/01/2022 23:59

The husband needs to move out. I'm assuming your older son isn't his?

CheshireChat · 06/01/2022 23:59

So who deals with the little one 6 days out of 7? Does he never go anywhere on his own.

You should never, never abandon your eldest for your husband's sake and it sounds like a lot of your son's issues stem from your partner's attitude.

Hugasauras · 06/01/2022 23:59

What kind of father can't look after his own children for two hours once a week? He's a twat.

Sicario · 07/01/2022 00:00

Sounds like a real fucking prince. He obviously has no intention of taking any responsibility as a parent. Does he realise that this is not "baby sitting"? It's parenting HIS OWN CHILDREN.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Flowers

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 07/01/2022 00:01

Sorry, your husband is complaining about you spending time with one of your kids because he has to look after the others once a week (who I assume are his?)?

MusicTeacherSussex · 07/01/2022 00:01

Surely you cant be serious

If be can't do the childcare get rid. Weird cunt.

ToastieSnowy · 07/01/2022 00:01

Your husband is an utter twat.

LittleOwl153 · 07/01/2022 00:01

He is a nasty piece of work isn't he. Of course you are going to want to see your son. I take it the son is not his?

What is the housing situation? Financial situation? If you can I would call his bluff and pack... however I would be taking the little ones with you as if he cannot cope with them for 2 hours by himself he cannot cope full time can he?

Original poster
EllsandMum · 07/01/2022 00:02

He said my son chose to get involved in bad stuff (he’s 13) and the little ones did not choose this so therefore I should be focusing on them. I begged for him to stay over on Christmas Eve and he said if I did I wouldn’t be allowed to my mums for Christmas dinner. I just feel like the worst mum in the world.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 07/01/2022 00:02

Your husband sounds vile. He can't be bothered to parent his younger children once a week for two hours so his wife can visit an unhappy teen who also obviously needs his mum. I think this is the tip of the iceberg and he's been a rotten husband and father in many more ways. Don't leave the house unless you feel you must. Do you have any real life support? Can you contact women's aid for advice?

CeleriacOfTheNight · 07/01/2022 00:02

So during what must already be a very difficult situation for you as a parent, your husband decides to make it twice as hard.

Unless there's a massive back story, well...what a twat.

Original poster
EllsandMum · 07/01/2022 00:03

We rent privately, it’s expensive - he pays as I’m a stay at home mum. Tonight he took my chewing gum packet and I said oh I got that today, he said well my money so not yours. It’s just gone so toxic. There’s a social housing shortage here, there’s no mums hostel space in our location and apart from a hotel which I can’t even afford with benefits I don’t know where to go.

OP posts:
imip · 07/01/2022 00:04

Was your husband the source of your son’s issues?

afizzysweet · 07/01/2022 00:04

2 hours a week and he can't cope? Why?

I am guessing your older son is not his? Why does he have such animosity towards him? Is there any huge detail missing here or does he just want to be a shitty SD? He sounds hugely unsupportive and like a prick. Why should you move?

JasmineGarden · 07/01/2022 00:05

Jesus, where did you find this test? And how did he hood wink you long enough to have two kids?

I gather he's a huge part of your eldest problems?

Tell HIM to leave!

Original poster
EllsandMum · 07/01/2022 00:05

My husband used to just say he needed to be put on the right path as he was always quite a tricky child but he was a lot harder on him than our own, as soon as I ever went to tell my eldest off he’d jump in and shout over me so I didn’t get much of a say. Then now he says it’s my fault he’s this way because I never told him off… I never got a chance…

OP posts:
iknowimcoming · 07/01/2022 00:06

@EllsandMum

He said my son chose to get involved in bad stuff (he’s 13) and the little ones did not choose this so therefore I should be focusing on them. I begged for him to stay over on Christmas Eve and he said if I did I wouldn’t be allowed to my mums for Christmas dinner. I just feel like the worst mum in the world.

You wouldn't be ALLOWED to go to your own mums? Please talk to someone about him, your mum or a friend or womens aid - this is abuse and you and all of your kids will be better off away from this awful man

themuttsnutts · 07/01/2022 00:06

Your son is only 13. He's still very young. You're foing the right thing. Fancy not allowing you to see your mum. He sounds very controlling

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 07/01/2022 00:06

Contact womens aid and start the process for getting some support to leave him.

Original poster
EllsandMum · 07/01/2022 00:07

In the end we compromised on my eldest being allowed to go to mums only for Christmas lunch and we all went as a family. Before we left I found him at the table briefing our little ones to stay away from their brother and listing the crimes he had done. I just died inside.

OP posts:
Hapoydayz · 07/01/2022 00:07

You are being abused. You need to speak to woman's aid and they will help you find a way out. Can you stay at your mums?

afizzysweet · 07/01/2022 00:08

I've just read your updates. He sounds abusive, op. I'm sorry you're going through this. Has he always been this way or is there tension now? Do you have relatives nearby or anyone who knows about his behaviour?

Theunamedcat · 07/01/2022 00:08

Take your younger kids and leave before he fucks them up too

WizbitsLeftEye · 07/01/2022 00:08

He's unreasonable and you and all of your children deserve better. I really hope you can get the help you need to leave

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