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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread the return of my 3 year old Dd…

213 replies

Breastfeedingworries · 29/12/2021 15:31

She’s due back in just over 5 minutes. I can barely stand, I’m so dizzy with flu, my throats on fire, I ache all over and I’m cripplingly tired.

Her dad was poorly and passed it on to her Xmas Eve unknown to me (obviously isn’t his fault and isn’t Covid) but I’ve now caught it from her so at least she’s immune. However! Last night I nearly hit her with a hair brush! I feel so unstable and poorly and I have no help. I obviously love my dd and do not want to hurt her but I feel that poorly I have zero tolerance.

Que her making messes, throwing food refusing to go to bed until after 9 last night.

No idea what to do, not sure how long I will be this poorly for and I have no help. Friends wouldn’t step in as no one would want to catch it.

Is there anything out there for support? A number I can call. I obviously would never hurt her but the level of sickness I feel bed bound poorly. Any advice appreciated it.

OP posts:
GreenLunchBox · 29/12/2021 15:33

It sounds like her dad needs to keep her for a bit longer until you feel better.

Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 15:33

Last night I nearly hit her with a hair brush!

What does this mean? On purpose?

Workyticket · 29/12/2021 15:33

Could her dad not keep her an extra couple of days?

Queenofchips · 29/12/2021 15:35

Would the simplest solution not be that her father keeps her for another day or so?
I would also urgently seek help for your potential underlying anger issues, whilst you say you love your DD and you'd never hurt her, the intent was there.
We all feel how you do at times, it certainly isn't easy to look after a child when you're feeling so unwell, but please remember it's not your DDs fault. She relies on her caregivers to keep her safe.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 29/12/2021 15:35

If her dad was poorly and gave her on Christmas eve surely he is feeling much better now and the sensible option would be for him to keep her an extra few days to give you a chance to get over the worst of it.

MichelleScarn · 29/12/2021 15:37

Is she back with dad just now? He needs to know how you're feeling.

Original poster
Breastfeedingworries · 29/12/2021 15:38

@Pumperthepumper

Last night I nearly hit her with a hair brush!

What does this mean? On purpose?

Yes on purpose! I don’t believe in smacking and have never hurt her. I also didn’t, I just felt rage. I had to take myself away. Sad nearly took that out my op but I thought it was important to be honest in my post.

Her dad can’t have, I asked him and because he took yesterday off for his illness he said he couldn’t his work is very funny, it’s care sector and they take any absence v seriously. His family are also very poorly themselves and could t handle her, there’s cancer happening and two elderly parents dying.

She’s back now and on the sofa, she’s quite calm and I’m just hoping I have an easy night with her.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 15:39

@Breastfeedingworries that’s a big leap then from
never smacking and having to stop yourself hitting her with a hairbrush.

poissonrouge1 · 29/12/2021 15:40

Sorry you’re feeling so bad OP.

Don’t feel bad. We all get angry. You removed yourself and did the right thing.

See if her dad can keep her til you’re feeling better.

madisonbridges · 29/12/2021 15:41

Why can't you have during his working hours and he has her in his off hours?

poissonrouge1 · 29/12/2021 15:41

Sorry I’ve just seen your update.

Hope you have a quiet eveningFlowers

Starcaller · 29/12/2021 15:41

Just do whatever you can to make life easier. TV on, something easy for dinner like beans or spaghetti hoops or something. Could you lie in bed with her at bedtime till she goes to sleep so you are at least resting? (I often nod off doing this too!). Get yourself loaded up with painkillers and stuff to handle next few hours too.

HappyMeal564 · 29/12/2021 15:42

You say you'd never hurt her but you nearly hit her with a hairbrush in a rage. It's hard without support but you just have to grit your teeth and do it. Tv is fine until you're better. If you keep feeling these rages I think you need to discuss this with her dad and your gp

clarepetal · 29/12/2021 15:43

Have an evening and few days of Netflix with her and order some takeaways. Do whatever you can to get you through, hope you feel better soon.

HappyMeal564 · 29/12/2021 15:44

I do sympathise, toddlers and being ill is the worst combination but she's only 3, she doesn't understand

Original poster
Breastfeedingworries · 29/12/2021 15:44

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Breastfeedingworries that’s a big leap then from
never smacking and having to stop yourself hitting her with a hairbrush.[/quote]
I know how it looks, I was trying to brush her hair out do the useful things, it passed in a second. I just took myself away. I haven’t ever hurt her and wouldn’t. But it did scare me too Sad I’m never poorly and haven’t been since I’ve had her.
What’s normally a difficult task for single mum has been seeming impossible.

OP posts:
thedarkling · 29/12/2021 15:47

You didn't hit her though. It's very hard when you're ill. If there's really no option for anyone else to have her then order pizza or macdonalds, put Netflix on and let her have unlimited tv. And take her to bed with you when she drops off. I really feel for you, I have a nearly three year old and being ill and having to look after them is really scary. But you will get through it.

rrhuth · 29/12/2021 15:47

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Breastfeedingworries that’s a big leap then from
never smacking and having to stop yourself hitting her with a hairbrush.[/quote]
Stop it stop it stop it

The OP had a thought and did not do anything.

The OP 'just took themselves away'.

refraction · 29/12/2021 15:48

I understand op. Its awful. Put cartoons on tv. Lock all of the doors and lay on the couch.

That's how I survived a bad bug.

thedarkling · 29/12/2021 15:49

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Breastfeedingworries that’s a big leap then from
never smacking and having to stop yourself hitting her with a hairbrush.[/quote]
Not really, she's still never smacked her or hit her.

SlashBeef · 29/12/2021 15:49

This is when you need to lower your standards and just survive. Snacks, TV, games whatever. Just dose yourself up and survive. Maybe a nice long bath for her before bed to wind down and you can camp on the bathroom floor and keep topping up to keep it warm.

rrhuth · 29/12/2021 15:49

@Breastfeedingworries

You do only what is 100% required. Your DD does not need her hair to be brushed this one day. You do not need to tidy up.

It is really very hard to be a single parent but you can do this. DVDs and ready made food will help!

Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 15:50

@thedarkling yet.

Igmum · 29/12/2021 15:50

It's grim. So sorry OP. I'm a single parent too and it's such a struggle when you're ill. I remember having a 24 hour vomiting bug when DD was 4 and my parenting aspirations just went down to knowing that the front door was shut and we would both survive the next 24 hours (DD not only trashed the house she also got hold of the SN plasticine/putty stuff and covered everything with it. It took me months to get it off 😬). Turn the telly on and get well soon

sadpapercourtesan · 29/12/2021 15:50

You didn't hurt her. You controlled yourself and protected her.

I dare ANY parent to say that they've never felt a flash of rage with a misbehaving child, especially when they're ill. The important thing is that you didn't, and wouldn't, act on it.

I'd ask her dad to keep her for a bit longer, if you can. You sound like you need rest and peace Flowers