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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread the return of my 3 year old Dd…

213 replies

Breastfeedingworries · 29/12/2021 15:31

She’s due back in just over 5 minutes. I can barely stand, I’m so dizzy with flu, my throats on fire, I ache all over and I’m cripplingly tired.

Her dad was poorly and passed it on to her Xmas Eve unknown to me (obviously isn’t his fault and isn’t Covid) but I’ve now caught it from her so at least she’s immune. However! Last night I nearly hit her with a hair brush! I feel so unstable and poorly and I have no help. I obviously love my dd and do not want to hurt her but I feel that poorly I have zero tolerance.

Que her making messes, throwing food refusing to go to bed until after 9 last night.

No idea what to do, not sure how long I will be this poorly for and I have no help. Friends wouldn’t step in as no one would want to catch it.

Is there anything out there for support? A number I can call. I obviously would never hurt her but the level of sickness I feel bed bound poorly. Any advice appreciated it.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 29/12/2021 16:03

@refraction

I understand op. Its awful. Put cartoons on tv. Lock all of the doors and lay on the couch.

That's how I survived a bad bug.

Agree with this. When i had really bad morning sickness with dd2 I would put the tv on and get a stack of toys out and then lie on the sofa, explaining to dd1 how I was feeling. Flu can be really horrible, so do get medical advice if you feel much worse or it hits your chest. Take paracetamol and make sure you keep your fluids up. I feel for you OP, I hope you recover quickly.
Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 16:04

[quote SafeMove]@Pumperthepumper is this making you feel better about yourself? Being nasty and incessantly questioning someones intentions when they are having a rough spell doesn't portray you and your personality in a great light tbh.[/quote]
No. It’s making me feel really anxious. There have been a lot of stories about children being harmed recently. I think when someone says they’re so stressed out they’ve considered hitting their child with a hairbrush we should laugh that off as one of those things. And we definitely shouldn’t shrug the dad off as being too busy with work.

Bluesarestillblue · 29/12/2021 16:05

Feel sorry for the OP getting such grief for admitting that she “almost” hit her daughter. She didn’t hit her. She exercised self restraint.

OP any friends that could take her a few hours? I know with my friends they have taken DS when I was poorly and DH couldn’t get time off work: and I’ve did the same for them

ColdandFrosty1 · 29/12/2021 16:05

The important thing is you didn't hit her and knew you had to take yourself away. I was in the same position as you a few weeks ago only it was covid and we both had it (3YO DS). As awful as it sounds I let him do pretty much whatever he wanted. I made sure he had his 3 meals and was fed, watered and bathed and that was it. Some mornings we lay in bed until 12 and I'd let him go on his tablet the whole time while I dozed/rested, then I'd roll out and slowly make a huge breakfast/lunch. TV was on pretty much the whole time and I let the little things go I.e. if he asked for more chocolate/sweets/made far too much mess I'd just let him then when he went to sleep got a bag at the end of the day and stuck all the rubbish in there. All dishes and washing up went in the sink until I had some spare energy. Same with the washing just stuffed in the basket put of sight. After day 3/4 I started to get better so slowly caught up on everything. Along as she is safe just don't sweat the small stuff and go along with what she does. Its hard when your on your own and there's literally noone to help

Scrabblecrabapple · 29/12/2021 16:06

Yup. I've left my kids in the house alone and driven away forever

When I was going up “I’m running away with the postman” was a regular phrase from my mum when I was playing up. She used to actually start packing her suitcase.

sadpapercourtesan · 29/12/2021 16:06

You need support for your anxiety, then. Posting your irrational overreactions all over this thread, making a shit situation worse for someone who is ill and stressed and hasn't done anything wrong isn't the answer.

There are plenty of genuinely abused and neglected children you could be emoting over. OP's child doesn't need your attention.

SafeMove · 29/12/2021 16:07

I have had two toddlers who were looked after by me whilst experiencing 9 months of hyperemesis. My mothering was significantly compromised. Those toddlers are 18 and 14 year old now and that extra TV and a few months of sub par meals? No impact. Don't be so hard on yourself OP and ignore the poster above who is trying to shame you, says more about them than it does about you.

Bluesarestillblue · 29/12/2021 16:07

And YY to intrusive thoughts not being real. I have OCD and often have intrusive thoughts (I should jump off this building, I should slash my arm with this knife I’m holding). I’ve never once acted on it.

The psychologist I was seeing said that I was very unlikely to ever act on these: and to remember they are just fleeting thoughts and not to give myself a hard time about them

PinkWaferBiscuit · 29/12/2021 16:07

No. It’s making me feel really anxious. There have been a lot of stories about children being harmed recently. I think when someone says they’re so stressed out they’ve considered hitting their child with a hairbrush we should laugh that off as one of those things. And we definitely shouldn’t shrug the dad off as being too busy with work.

Ok you're really reaching now Hmm the parents actually seriously harming their kids are not the ones posting online asking others for help because they are at end of their tether and full of cold. I strongly suggest you leave off with the accusations and go and find something else to fret over.

Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 16:08

@sadpapercourtesan

You need support for your anxiety, then. Posting your irrational overreactions all over this thread, making a shit situation worse for someone who is ill and stressed and hasn't done anything wrong isn't the answer.

There are plenty of genuinely abused and neglected children you could be emoting over. OP's child doesn't need your attention.

How do you know? You don’t. You’re assuming it’s a one off. But a stressed single mum, ill, with no family support absolutely does not need to be told thinking about hitting your kid with a hairbrush is totally normal.
sadpapercourtesan · 29/12/2021 16:09

It is completely normal though. Having impulses to do things in anger - and not acting on them - is totally within the normal range for human behaviour.

It's your response that's inappropriate.

Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 16:10

@sadpapercourtesan

It is completely normal though. Having impulses to do things in anger - and not acting on them - is totally within the normal range for human behaviour.

It's your response that's inappropriate.

No. Thinking about hitting your child, maybe. Thinking about hitting your child with an implement, definitely not.
2bazookas · 29/12/2021 16:11

Park her in front of the TV and let her watch every crappy cbbbs and DVD you've got, all day. Feed her weetabix or baked beans or cheese or toast and fruit.

Don't bother washing or dressing her or you, don't brush any hair.

At 7 pm tell her she's going to bed and staying there; she can have the light on play, but she stays in her room alone. Because mummy is ILL and needs to lie down.

Rinse and repeat until you get better.

sadpapercourtesan · 29/12/2021 16:11

She was holding the damn hairbrush at the time! It was a totally normal fleeting impulse. Which she didn't act on.

You do sound a bit unbalanced, I'm afraid. I don't like to say that, but in this case...

Marmelace · 29/12/2021 16:12

Bloody hell I can imagine a lot of people have to seriously restrain themselves with a certain idiot on this thread.

dooooooo1234 · 29/12/2021 16:12

If you are really poorly then you have to just get by for the next few days. Snacks, give her an iPad to watch tv in bed next to you while you rest.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 29/12/2021 16:14

Pumper
Please
Step away from the thread
You're not helping anyone

SockFluffInTheBath · 29/12/2021 16:15

FFS does no one talk to you at home pumper? Are you really so desperate for attention that you need to accuse a poorly mum of being psychotic and drip feed anxiety issues? Go away and start your own thread.

OP I remember being ill with small LOs, it’s really tough. Frozen pizza or takeaway or a tin of beans for a few days, CBeebies from dawn till dusk, and lay yourself on the sofa.

MotorwayDiva · 29/12/2021 16:16

Does she have medical kits, play hospitals, lie on the sofa whilst she "makes you better" this used to work on my toddler who came up with inventive ways to make me better. My six year old just says watch some tele and you'll feel better...

Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 16:16

OP, get in touch with her father. I’m sure he’d want to know the limit you’ve been pushed to, and I bet he’d be more insistent on more time off if he knew.

SuffolkDreams · 29/12/2021 16:17

Do you have a soft play near you? Can you dose yourself up on lemsip and manage to sit on the side for a few hours? Otherwise can her dad come after he finishes work to cook her dinner and put her to bed?

SlashBeef · 29/12/2021 16:17

@Pumperthepumper shame on you for thinking its acceptable to waste SS time on something that the majority of parents have felt at one point.
I told my HV I had horrible intrusive thoughts. She wasn't horrified by me at all. She was pleased I felt I could communicate that to her. I wasn't reported to social services or branded a child abuser. You're speaking as if you understand what intrusive thoughts actually are and you quite clearly don't.
Focus on children who are actually being abused and not helped because SS are overwhelmed with the likes of you.

Dollywilde · 29/12/2021 16:17

Quite, @Marmelace. @Pumperthepumper you’re not helping anyone, I’d suggest you step away from the thread. What OP is describing is entirely normal as long as they exercise the restraint to acknowledge the thought and then banish it, which is exactly what she did.

OP I have everything crossed for you for a calm evening and a good night. I’m pregnant with a toddler and have had a couple of nights when my DH is working and I’m exhausted/suffering with morning sickness etc. The ‘whatever you can do to get by’ plan (food, tv, whatever) is absolutely fine when you’re feeling like shit.

Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 16:18

[quote SlashBeef]@Pumperthepumper shame on you for thinking its acceptable to waste SS time on something that the majority of parents have felt at one point.
I told my HV I had horrible intrusive thoughts. She wasn't horrified by me at all. She was pleased I felt I could communicate that to her. I wasn't reported to social services or branded a child abuser. You're speaking as if you understand what intrusive thoughts actually are and you quite clearly don't.
Focus on children who are actually being abused and not helped because SS are overwhelmed with the likes of you.[/quote]
How do you know which are the abused children and which aren’t?

Why did you speak to anyone about your intrusive thoughts if they’re so normal? Did she just ignore you and give you no help at all?

Bellringer · 29/12/2021 16:20

Op just rest. It will pass