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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread the return of my 3 year old Dd…

213 replies

Breastfeedingworries · 29/12/2021 15:31

She’s due back in just over 5 minutes. I can barely stand, I’m so dizzy with flu, my throats on fire, I ache all over and I’m cripplingly tired.

Her dad was poorly and passed it on to her Xmas Eve unknown to me (obviously isn’t his fault and isn’t Covid) but I’ve now caught it from her so at least she’s immune. However! Last night I nearly hit her with a hair brush! I feel so unstable and poorly and I have no help. I obviously love my dd and do not want to hurt her but I feel that poorly I have zero tolerance.

Que her making messes, throwing food refusing to go to bed until after 9 last night.

No idea what to do, not sure how long I will be this poorly for and I have no help. Friends wouldn’t step in as no one would want to catch it.

Is there anything out there for support? A number I can call. I obviously would never hurt her but the level of sickness I feel bed bound poorly. Any advice appreciated it.

OP posts:
Excitedforthefuture · 29/12/2021 17:29

Op I feel nothing but complete and total sympathy for you

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 29/12/2021 17:29

🙄

Ffs mumsnet. My comment didn’t break any rules.

Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 17:30

[quote Excitedforthefuture]@Pumperthepumper

Two words

Advance search[/quote]
I’m going to need more information. What am I advanced searching?

Excitedforthefuture · 29/12/2021 17:32

Your name!

mathanxiety · 29/12/2021 17:33

Don't sweat the mess.

Do only what you can. The TV is your best friend. The bath is also good for a nice peaceful time as long as you can keep an eye on DD while she's in it. Forget about details like brushing hair, making balanced meals, doing laundry, making beds, etc. That can all be sorted out later.

Excitedforthefuture · 29/12/2021 17:33

Obviously you jacked it in!

OP, I found when I was really ill, I put my phone away and just focussed on two things. My children, and me. Nothing else, every tiny bit of energy went in to those two things.

Get through the night and tomorrow hopefully an improvement

Pumperthepumper · 29/12/2021 17:34

@Excitedforthefuture

Your name!
Wtf? Why won’t you just say what you mean? Why would I advance search my own name?
Bellringer · 29/12/2021 17:35

Don't forget paracetamol for sore throat

Fashionesta · 29/12/2021 17:47

I'm a single parent and have been since DD was born, twice I had a stomach bug when she was 2 and 3 and both times my DM who usually helps was unable too as away the first time and had same sickness bug second time. First time I was still BF and remember lying on the sofa with TV on feeding her rice cakes and breast milk as literally couldn't cook as too nauseous. Second time I was lying in bathroom vomiting and she fell partway down stairs. Called 111 who said bring her in but again literally couldn't as was vomiting so stayed awake all night watching for signs of concussion instead.

DD is now 10 and absolutely fine. It is horrid in the moment but you can and will get through it. As long as there are snacks, water and a TV you will survive a few days with no long-standing damage. Stop trying to do stuff and just focus on getting yourself better.

RobertaFirmino · 29/12/2021 17:47

@Breastfeedingworries If you live in Hull, please DM me and I will help you with whatever I can.

Lollypop701 · 29/12/2021 17:48

Op gargling with soluble aspirin is great for sore throats… but whatever painkiller you have e make sure you take it. Drink water. Let dd watch Disney 24/7 if it helps. Ask the dad to get her as soon as he can. Good luck

Offmyfence · 29/12/2021 17:48

@Bellringer

Don't forget paracetamol for sore throat
This! I find dissolving it and gargling helps.
Offmyfence · 29/12/2021 17:49

[quote RobertaFirmino]@Breastfeedingworries If you live in Hull, please DM me and I will help you with whatever I can.[/quote]
I'm in South London..... same

GiveMeNovocain · 29/12/2021 17:51

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Breastfeedingworries that’s a big leap then from
never smacking and having to stop yourself hitting her with a hairbrush.[/quote]
No it's not. My dd is 10 and I've never touched her in anger but she's pushed me close sometimes. I reckon after a decade I can safely say I'll never hurt her

Gonnagetgoing · 29/12/2021 17:52

OP - I’m in south London if you need a hand. Do ask your sister for help despite her not having experience with kids. Even if she could pop over, take your DD to the park, get you shopping for a morning or afternoon or stay over with you that would be a help.

ShiftingSands21 · 29/12/2021 17:54

OP this sounds grim and I’m very sorry to hear about it. Hope you feel better asap! Lots of good advice to do whatever you can to get through it!

I have practically forgotten about flu. I think I would readily help a friend with flu without too much fear of catching it as, for whatever reason, it often doesn’t seem to spread to everyone in the family anyway. And I am jabbed though think they got the strain wrong this year. People coughing and spluttering in a doctors surgery maskless for example would have been unworrying and unremarkable! I think covid has changed attitudes to infections generally. Having contact with an ill person never really used to feel like a worry in general (except for contact with eg people going through cancer treatment) and now people do think twice even if it’s not covid. However I think this is fading away a bit, even with covid, as it is so rife that isolation is less and less feasible.

Gonnagetgoing · 29/12/2021 17:55

@Lollypop701

Op gargling with soluble aspirin is great for sore throats… but whatever painkiller you have e make sure you take it. Drink water. Let dd watch Disney 24/7 if it helps. Ask the dad to get her as soon as he can. Good luck
@Lollypop701 - echoing what you say for OP. Please ask your ex or any of his relatives (brother, sister) to help out. It sounds like you’re never ill and this one time you’re being hit really hard. They can easily maybe even take your DD for a day and night, just a question of entertaining her with Disney films if need be, fishfingers, chips and baked beans or takeaway and bath/bed. Most adults should be able to manage that.
Lavender24 · 29/12/2021 17:58

Just came hete to say I have a, daughter the same age and I have had to walk away from her countless times since the day she was born because I've wanted to hurt her in moments of anger. From speaking to other mums I think this is a very normal reaction to extreme stress and you removed yourself from the situation to calm down which is a good thing. I think some of these, responses are a bit OTT.

Nocutenamesleft · 29/12/2021 17:59

@MotorwayDiva

Does she have medical kits, play hospitals, lie on the sofa whilst she "makes you better" this used to work on my toddler who came up with inventive ways to make me better. My six year old just says watch some tele and you'll feel better...
That’s pure genius!!
billy1966 · 29/12/2021 17:59

@SlashBeef

This is when you need to lower your standards and just survive. Snacks, TV, games whatever. Just dose yourself up and survive. Maybe a nice long bath for her before bed to wind down and you can camp on the bathroom floor and keep topping up to keep it warm.
Absolutely this.

Do whatever is easiest to survive.

Dosing on the sofa as she watches endless movies.

Let her eat whatever.

Just get through it. Safely.

Flowers
Mudflaps · 29/12/2021 18:00

Ahh now, be a bit (lot) easier on yourself, your ill and you've a little tornado firebrand (most 3 year olds) to look after, forget about cooking, cleaning, washing, hair brushing,clean pjs etc, feed her whatever she will eat and use tv to your advantage, try to rest and don't be feeling guilty about that one bad thought, its a long time since my dc was 3 years old and I had close family support but I do remember he knew exactly how to pass me off and exactly when to do so, a slap of a hair brush would have been mild compared to some thoughts I had but I never hurt him and don't believe you will either. Call your sister if you need to, I'm now a 3 hours drive from my brother and sil, I often babysit for them and they're under strict instruction that I'm always available if emergency care is required no matter the time, I'm sure your sister will help if possible, no childcare experience really needed to entertain and feed a 3 year old, just tell her to pretend she's minding a drunken mate, it's similar enough.

Nocutenamesleft · 29/12/2021 18:01

@SuffolkDreams

Do you have a soft play near you? Can you dose yourself up on lemsip and manage to sit on the side for a few hours? Otherwise can her dad come after he finishes work to cook her dinner and put her to bed?
Super bad idea

I have an illness which means a bug like the one the OP has got. Could kill me. So please please don’t go to a soft play. Mums like me could be there. Or ones going through Horrific illnesses. Anything.

Bad advice. Please don’t do this. This is why I end up in ICU

drspouse · 29/12/2021 18:01

I get thoughts about what would happen if I fell off when I'm up a tall tower. I'm not suicidal and I don't want to jump. I also get fleeting positive thoughts like imagining myself playing a piano concerto with an orchestra..also not going to happen.

Gonnagetgoing · 29/12/2021 18:02

@Nocutenamesleft and @MotorwayDiva - my nephew who’s 3.5 was playing doctor to his mum the other morning, she was lying down after hurting her shoulder and he was being nice, got doctors outfit on, let her lie on the sofa, brought her a soft throw to cover her. I thought she was putting it on but he was surprisingly kind and caring for 2-3 hours!

Nocutenamesleft · 29/12/2021 18:03

@Hobnobswantshernameback

Dear god mine are nearly all adults or are adults and there were days when I would have gladly thrown them out of a window I remember being ill with noro with 3 wee ones and wanting to die I bet if I asked them about that the only thing they'd remember is DS3 vomiting in the happy meal that some friends had dropped at our door to make sure the kids were fed Be kind to yourself op
Oh gosh. I had Noro

I remember me and my toddler being sick at the same time. All the time. Oh my gosh. Those 10 days were shocking. I don’t know how I managed to get through that! But I did.

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