To dread the return of my 3 year old Dd…

[Breastfeedingworries]

She’s due back in just over 5 minutes. I can barely stand, I’m so dizzy with flu, my throats on fire, I ache all over and I’m cripplingly tired.

Her dad was poorly and passed it on to her Xmas Eve unknown to me (obviously isn’t his fault and isn’t Covid) but I’ve now caught it from her so at least she’s immune. However! Last night I nearly hit her with a hair brush! I feel so unstable and poorly and I have no help. I obviously love my dd and do not want to hurt her but I feel that poorly I have zero tolerance.

Que her making messes, throwing food refusing to go to bed until after 9 last night.

No idea what to do, not sure how long I will be this poorly for and I have no help. Friends wouldn’t step in as no one would want to catch it.

Is there anything out there for support? A number I can call. I obviously would never hurt her but the level of sickness I feel bed bound poorly. Any advice appreciated it.

Dear god mine are nearly all adults or are adults and there were days when I would have gladly thrown them out of a window
I remember being ill with noro with 3 wee ones and wanting to die
I bet if I asked them about that the only thing they'd remember is DS3 vomiting in the happy meal that some friends had dropped at our door to make sure the kids were fed
Be kind to yourself op

Oh and maybe it's best to treat some attention seeking idiots like a tantrumming whiny toddler and ignore them

@Pumperthepumper I spoke to her because she was in my house to visit me and my newborn and she asked how I was doing... I'll be honest about what I'm struggling and tell professionals when I need support or advice. I had a baby at the start of lockdown, it was rough. I'm not ashamed. People like you contribute to the stigma that stops people having open conversations and you should be ashamed.

@HappyMeal564

You say you'd never hurt her but you nearly hit her with a hairbrush in a rage. It's hard without support but you just have to grit your teeth and do it. Tv is fine until you're better. If you keep feeling these rages I think you need to discuss this with her dad and your gp

OP felt this once in very specific circumstances, recognised it and took action by removing herself from the situation. She doesn't feel rage often, so this advice is pointless.

Has your little girl seen Encanto yet, OP? It's really excellent and kept a few young relatives of mine mesmerised and glued to the sofa for a few hours the other day.

I think everyone should just ignore the me-railer on this thread and stop responding to them.

You'll be fine OP. She's three, so not as vulnerable as a babe in arms at least, and can feed herself if you put some toast/fruit in front of her. As soon as her head hits the pillow you go down too. Honestly, you'll be fine, I know it can feel a bit scary when you're ill and in full charge of a little person but you've got this! You're made of stronger stuff than you realise - us women are TBH.

I remember having flu and trying to wrestle my then 2 yr old into his pyjamas, he was fighting me all the way, I lost my rag and threw his clothes on the floor. Then I told him to "SIT UP!!" in a very firm voice, and I cried. Then I picked the clothes up off the floor and dressed him and put him to bed in his cot. He went to sleep, I went to sleep. Just kept going, one foot in front of the other for about 4 days until it started to lift. And it was ok.

Jesus, you know it’s okay to think about doing something but not actually doing it don’t you? I often think of smothering my husband with a pillow….I probably wouldn’t do it.

OP most of us feel this way, please don’t listen!

@Hobnobswantshernameback

Oh and maybe it's best to treat some attention seeking idiots like a tantrumming whiny toddler and ignore them

You're absolutely right. It just gets my back up. If more people felt safe to say "I've had enough and I think about chucking my kids out the window!!!" and were able to hear other people reply "omg me too!" We could actually support each other and go some way to reducing the isolation and guilt that comes with parenting.

Can you stop detailing the thread @Pumperthepumper and just provide some practical support to the OP. If she is beating her kid with a hairbrush or any other implement for that matter there is fuck all you can do about it as you have no idea where she lives to even consider reporting her. My guess is that she probably isn't but is probably like the majority of parents at one stage or another absolutely exhausted with parenting and being ill. She's also a single mum and whilst that is not a carte blanche to beat your child, it does require some recognition that she has a harder job than a mother in a relationship where the partner is more present. Look forward to hearing your ideas Pumper as to help that would assist this mum.

Op have you got enough meds in?
Can you deliveroo
Or Uber eats some supplies for the next few days?
Be kind to yourself and just hunker down as much as you can

@SlashBeef

This is when you need to lower your standards and just survive. Snacks, TV, games whatever. Just dose yourself up and survive. Maybe a nice long bath for her before bed to wind down and you can camp on the bathroom floor and keep topping up to keep it warm.

This!

Let her eat what she wants, watch want she wants. The house can get messy.

Just get through the next 48 hours.

Where are you? I can bring supplies!

Just to say OP I have also had many many many thoughts in my head over the years when I feel rage with my daughter, even when I'm not ill - this includes me screaming in her face, pulling her hair and smacking her. She's 8 years old and I have never acted on any of these thoughts and I think parents must be lying or very very laid back if they say they have never had these thoughts.

I commend your honesty OP. I hope you feel well again soon and that DD stays nice and calm.

@Justnotsureaboutit2021

Can you stop detailing the thread *@Pumperthepumper* and just provide some practical support to the OP. If she is beating her kid with a hairbrush or any other implement for that matter there is fuck all you can do about it as you have no idea where she lives to even consider reporting her. My guess is that she probably isn't but is probably like the majority of parents at one stage or another absolutely exhausted with parenting and being ill. She's also a single mum and whilst that is not a carte blanche to beat your child, it does require some recognition that she has a harder job than a mother in a relationship where the partner is more present. Look forward to hearing your ideas Pumper as to help that would assist this mum.

I already did - I said be honest with the child’s father. If he knew the OP was at her limit I bet he’d be more inclined to take time off. I said it twice.

[quote Pumperthepumper]@thedarkling yet.[/quote]
Stop being so sanctimonious! You're coming across dreadfully!

Sorry i can't offer much helpful advice apart from to rest and let your dd watch TV as much as she wants while ur so poorly and also to make quick and easy meals. Ijust wanted to say i hope you feel better soon and take care 💐

@Pumperthepumper - Let me spell it out. Your anxiety and the way you are communicating on this thread is of no use to the OP. If the OP was intending to hit her daughter with a hairbrush do you think your approach and solutions will help prevent it? Bashing your opinions out via your keyboard is meaningless. What do you actually do to safeguard children in every day life who are being harmed apart from wring your hands about how terrible it is, get anxious about it and berate people on the internet? You are projecting onto a situation you know nothing about, and are catastrophising. Nobody is laughing it off as one of those things or normalising it. They are empathising, offering practical solutions, a listening ear and supporting, these all work for people in stress. You have taken one admission and immediately decided you know what the OP is thinking and intending. Are you trained to assess risk of significant harm to children? Have you ever done a S47 enquiry? Worked on a CPP? Taken these to PLO? Some of us have and we know that abusive parents do not, as a whole, reach out for support, acknowledge that the thoughts aren't great, recognise external factors are impacting on their capacity and ask for help/ideas. OP has done all of the above. You clearly know nothing about supporting children and families, this is why people are reacting negatively to your posts.

@Prinnny

Anyone else getting the urge to hit *@Pumperthepumper* with a hairbrush?

👍

It is awful. I remember many occasions like this. You need to do whatever you have to to get through it. Can you give her a tablet and get in bed together? Ask her dad to come over when he finishes work and take her?

Well said @safemove

Positive things