To dread the return of my 3 year old Dd…

[Breastfeedingworries]

She’s due back in just over 5 minutes. I can barely stand, I’m so dizzy with flu, my throats on fire, I ache all over and I’m cripplingly tired.

Her dad was poorly and passed it on to her Xmas Eve unknown to me (obviously isn’t his fault and isn’t Covid) but I’ve now caught it from her so at least she’s immune. However! Last night I nearly hit her with a hair brush! I feel so unstable and poorly and I have no help. I obviously love my dd and do not want to hurt her but I feel that poorly I have zero tolerance.

Que her making messes, throwing food refusing to go to bed until after 9 last night.

No idea what to do, not sure how long I will be this poorly for and I have no help. Friends wouldn’t step in as no one would want to catch it.

Is there anything out there for support? A number I can call. I obviously would never hurt her but the level of sickness I feel bed bound poorly. Any advice appreciated it.

Being ill while caring for small kids is the utter pits, I'm so sorry. TV for as long as it takes. Rest/sleep as much as you can. Don't beat yourself up, it is a fact of life and we just get through it as best as we can. So long as she is fed, kept safe and has shelter you're doing fine.

With all the foods being suggested for the child, I can imagine that next time there is an argument with her about finishing her greens or whatever she doesn't want to eat, she will look you in the eye and say "Can't you be ill again, Mummy, so I can eat what I want to?"

Giving her what she will eat at the moment without an argument is good advice all the same.

Imagine people turning themselves in to authorities every time they had a violent thought, police stations would need revolving doors.

We’ve all been there. Let her watch TV till she falls asleep, and let her eat toast and crisps for a couple of days. Take away for a main meal.

Once you’re feeling better you can get her back into a healthier diet and less screen time.

The next 2 days are just about survival.

You're doing great OP. Just lie about with a blanket, order in food for her, let her wreck the place if that's what she wants. Get a Disney+ subscription. You're probably feeling angry because she's creating a load of mess etc that you will have to clean up. Just relent to the fact that you will not be cleaning it up. Take care

[quote Pumperthepumper]@Breastfeedingworries that’s a big leap then from
never smacking and having to stop yourself hitting her with a hairbrush.[/quote]
It’s not a big leap at all. She’s still never hit her daughter. We all have fleeting thoughts that we don’t act on. OP is a single mum with no help who is very unwell. She needs support and encouragement, not for people to pile in on what might have happened.

Look after yourself, OP. As others have said, do the bare minimum, and get some rest (difficult in the circumstances, I know)

@Pumperthepumper

Imagine you or single parent adult daughter rang you. Feeling like death. She’d never struck her daughter, never even close, and during the tel con admitted that the previous evening, feeling horrendous she’d almost spanked her a hairbrush.

Would you respond in the manner you have done here? I suspect yes, which will result I a far more negative mother / daughter relationship than fact that the mother once, feeling dreadful, almost spanked her with a brush when she was 3!

Ps are you hangry?

You poor thing, looking after young children when ill is horrendous! Hopefully you can just veg and watch Disney and let her snack. Fingers crossed you both can sleep well tonight and you will feel a bit better tomorrow xx

[quote Excitedforthefuture]@Pumperthepumper

Imagine you or single parent adult daughter rang you. Feeling like death. She’d never struck her daughter, never even close, and during the tel con admitted that the previous evening, feeling horrendous she’d almost spanked her a hairbrush.

Would you respond in the manner you have done here? I suspect yes, which will result I a far more negative mother / daughter relationship than fact that the mother once, feeling dreadful, almost spanked her with a brush when she was 3!

Ps are you hangry?[/quote]
I would, yes. I’d say ‘you have reached your limit, I will look after her until you’re better’.

What would you do?

Really good idea from a PP to take snacks, drinks and activities to bed so you've got stuff ready for the morning! You might be able to get a good bit more rest in bed by doing that OP

MN will rip me a new one but I’d give her some food then a dose of piriton and get both of you into bed together with a tablet/the telly and let her watch whatever she’s happily watch for hours while you snooze.

Christ it's like some people have never had intrusive thoughts 🤨.

Op isn't abusive for thinking something.

Op, I would tell your ex you need his support.

He is legally entitled to time off for dependents.

Let's ignore the unkind poster as Becky suggested the thread could be closed and I believe OP needs this thread of support.

OP you have had some great advice and it sounds like It's working for you- tv easy dinner and snacks

I agree with PP who said make a kit of things to take to bed tonight- so you can have an easier morning- failing that seek the day to your dd as a movie day- a Disney marathon. Do what you can when you get a burst of energy ( and by that I mean get up and refill drinks bottle and snack tray) do nothing else
And then maybe see if dad can have your DD over night tomorrow, so you get a full sleep.
It's so hard- so very hard. And you have my empathy.

i really feel for you op and actually i think every tired mum (especially when you feel unwell) has felt that rage but aren't necessarily honest about it. The fact you didnt act on it says a lot more about what a good mum you are .

But that isn’t what you’ve said on this thread

And if you lived in another country and couldn’t help?

@Excitedforthefuture

But that isn’t what you’ve said on this thread

And if you lived in another country and couldn’t help?

That’s exactly what I said on this thread.

If I was in a different country, I’d repeat ‘tell her father you’ve reached your limit and he’ll have to take time off to look after her’. Again, like I’ve said several times.

When I had norovirus and knew I still had to drive 18 mile round journey to collect them

I found myself considering pretending that I’d broken down and had no way of getting to them, in hope that school would sort out their return

Basically leaving my children at school for the school to sort them getting to me

Crap parenting, selfish and completely giving up parenting.
Am I usually like that?
Hell no.
But in there dire straight, yes

You’re not divorced, are you?

So all your posts were deleted simply because you repeated

You’ve reached your limit

@Excitedforthefuture

So all your posts were deleted simply because you repeated

You’ve reached your limit

They were deleted for repeating deleted posts. I’m sure mumsnet will clarify if you care enough to ask. I said over and over again, tell the father you’ve reached your limit.

@YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet

Hello everyone. As this thread is becoming derailed, we may take it down if things don't improve. Please keep things on track.

The OP needs a support thread. It seems unfair to take it down because one person is derailing it.

Please let's just ignore Pumper. They're clearly the type to thrive on negative attention and I'd like OP to feel supported.

But telling someone they have reached their limit

When there is no other option and that “limit” was a passing though 24 hours ago, then what value do you think it brings to the OP

I’m an going to take a punt
You are married
Have a supportive husband
Have a family network locally

I’m a single parent
No family network whatsoever

We do exist

I said over and over again, tell the father you’ve reached your limit.

Look the OP would have done that if it was an option. Even admitting she's reached her limit won't change anything, if he has to work he has to work. If she thought he would be able to help surely she would have explored that option.

OP don't worry about reaching the end of your tether, all normal people do that eventually. Keep lots of easy snacks available and don't stress over how much crap TV and food your DD consumes whilst you get better.