AIBU to be pissed mil at head of table

[Teatotal2]

Just that really and it isn't just for today, it's every time she visits, head of table, best seat in lounge etc.
I know I should be more charitable as she lost fil a couple of years ago but can feel it simmering, she can just be so entitled, if she showed some gratitude it would be different.
Also, I asked if she would like to stay over and instead of a "Oh, that would be lovely", "Yes, please" or "Are you sure it's no trouble" her reply was, "Well it would save me driving home!"😡
Response to offer of drinks etc. is usually, "If you're making one!", no please, thanks etc. Maybe it's me but my family are so grateful & expressive that it really needles me!
I know I should lighten up, it's Christmas bloody Day so please don't tell me too as that would definitely be counter intuitive.

YABU for having an oblong table. Be like King Arthur, have a round one problem solved

Yeah, get over yourself

It’s nice to be thanked, I can see why that would bother you

Yanbu. People like that are just rude.

'Head of the table' - do you mean she sits at the end? Why does it matter where someone sits? Is this some weird hierarchy she is inflicting upon your household?

I’ve learned that some people act incredibly self important because they actually don’t feel that important to anyone.
It’s a lack of self esteem that causes this excessive arrogance.

That of course, is only some people. Your MIL could just be an ungrateful prat.

I bite my tongue these days and indulge them, if they are important to me. Life is short, if she needs to have the top of the table then let her crack on. Once she dies then you can have that seat. I’m not being flippant - that’s the reality isn’t it.

YANBU, is she there every year? That is annnoying.

Could you sit someone else there for a change, your mum or dad?

I think it’s an overreaction to what are clearly just turns of phrase/the way she expresses herself. Let it go, try to stop it bothering you. And breath….

It's nice to be thanked but sometimes I think it's in the tone of the voice as well as the words that are spoken. Also, does it matter that much who sits on the end of the oblong table? In our house we just sit on whichever chair is most easily available and accessible and no-one has the role of "head of the table".

Head of table ? Best seat in the lounge ? It doesn't sound very friendly at house .

Does anyone care about head of the table? What makes one end the head? I sat at one end of the table today, MIL at the other, I don’t think anyone paid any attention and I’ve no idea which of the seats would have been considered “head of the table”.

It is annoying not to say thanks etc.

your house

I think I'd choose perfunctory over "so grateful and expressive" any day.

You have a best seat in the lounge? You have a hierarchy of seating?

OP,

Clearly you know what she is like.

I'm a fan of good manners, thankfully so are those around me.

I have zero tolerance for those who never learned basic words of appreciation.

Stop being a doormat and offer her NOTHING.

Tell your husband HE is responsible for her care and DON'T invite her to stay over again.

Turn down the temperature a little.
Just a little chilly will land.

Would you be so bothered if it someone from your side of the family? Some people get in the habit of sitting in particular place and think you want them to sit there. It all sounds a bit petty really.

Why should losing a dh allow you to behave like a twat?

When I have guests family or otherwise I give them the best, its just manners.

Traditionally you would give her the head of the table and the best seat because she is senior in age and a guest. It's hard to judge the tone of the rest, it could appear that she doesn't want to be a bother that's why she'll have a drink if you're making one. Unless there is a massive backstory coming these are minor things, and you MIL is family, does she really need to make a show of how grateful she is for your benevolence?

So in YOUR house you have some kind of hierarchy about table places and chairs?
Which visitors are supposed to what? Not use? And you invite her to do something that you don't actually want her to say yes to? Then get pissed off when she accepts?

@billy1966

OP,

Clearly you know what she is like.

I'm a fan of good manners, thankfully so are those around me.

I have zero tolerance for those who never learned basic words of appreciation.

Stop being a doormat and offer her NOTHING.

Tell your husband HE is responsible for her care and DON'T invite her to stay over again.

Turn down the temperature a little.
Just a little chilly will land.

Crikey! Way way way over the top!

My goodness there is such a lot of MIL haters on here. Some people want the tarred and feathered before they have finished reading the post. Most of you will be MIL's one day and I hope your daughter in law treats you the same.

Many people think it's rude to go and sit and the head of the table in someone else's house. It's not the done thing really.

But OP, I think you're missing an " off" in your title ;)

How does she do these things? Does she walk into the living room and demand someone move if they are sitting in her preferred seat? If so, just don’t move? Or does she just get there first?
Is she aware it’s considered the best seat? How is it the best?