AIBU to be pissed mil at head of table

[Teatotal2]

Just that really and it isn't just for today, it's every time she visits, head of table, best seat in lounge etc.
I know I should be more charitable as she lost fil a couple of years ago but can feel it simmering, she can just be so entitled, if she showed some gratitude it would be different.
Also, I asked if she would like to stay over and instead of a "Oh, that would be lovely", "Yes, please" or "Are you sure it's no trouble" her reply was, "Well it would save me driving home!"😡
Response to offer of drinks etc. is usually, "If you're making one!", no please, thanks etc. Maybe it's me but my family are so grateful & expressive that it really needles me!
I know I should lighten up, it's Christmas bloody Day so please don't tell me too as that would definitely be counter intuitive.

There’s a responsibility and a level of respect that comes with where a person sits at the and it’s how I like it done.

Hahahahahaaaaaaa!

@PolarBearYumYums

I sit at the head of my table with one of my grandchildren alongside me. One of the other members of the family sit at the other end opposite me. I usually tell the person I’d like them to sit there.

There’s a responsibility and a level of respect that comes with where a person sits at the and it’s how I like it done.

Ok then 🙄

@BoredZelda

“Most honoured”? At a family dinner?

Never mind that, “most honoured female” takes second place to the most honoured male? Fuck that.

To be fair to the poster who said that, they said the host couple take each end, then the most honoured female guest sits by the male host.

It seems a hierarchy very much based around only couples hosting (and straight couples at that). Where a single woman hosting a meal would put the “most honoured female guest” I’ve no idea.

BTW, I went for Boxing Day lunch today and automatically avoided sitting at the end because I thought it would be easier for the host to host if he sat at the end. But he said it would be easier for him to sit in a different place, and for me to sit at the end. So I did. The individual who ended up sitting at the other end turned out to be the real head of the family - The Cat!

If these kind of issues annoy you OP - and I was absolutely raised with the ‘head of table’ and ‘best seat’ social rules you describe - you should also know to respect your elders, even if they’re cantankerous and thankless. She’s your husband’s mother. It’s not a competition or power struggle. I’d be giving my MIL the best seat, the head of table as a mark of respect, even if I don’t like her.

@ddl1

BTW, I went for Boxing Day lunch today and automatically avoided sitting at the end because I thought it would be easier for the host to host if he sat at the end. But he said it would be easier for him to sit in a different place, and for me to sit at the end. So I did. The individual who ended up sitting at the other end turned out to be the real head of the family - The Cat!

Now that's the kind of etiquette I can get behind.

*PolarBearYumYums

I sit at the head of my table with one of my grandchildren alongside me. One of the other members of the family sit at the other end opposite me. I usually tell the person I’d like them to sit there.

There’s a responsibility and a level of respect that comes with where a person sits at the and it’s how I like it done.*

^ Cersei of the Lannisters here with advice on how to organise a relaxed Sunday dinner…

When I have any kind of guest, related to me or otherwise, I WANT them to have the best seat in the house. They're guests!

The power play thing is ridiculous. If you're going to be a hospitable host, you offer your guest, whether it's your MIL, your friend or someone spectacularly important, the best comfort you can offer (unless there are other factors to be taken into account).

I can't get over OP resenting MIL having the best positioned/most comfortable seat.

@ddl1

BTW, I went for Boxing Day lunch today and automatically avoided sitting at the end because I thought it would be easier for the host to host if he sat at the end. But he said it would be easier for him to sit in a different place, and for me to sit at the end. So I did. The individual who ended up sitting at the other end turned out to be the real head of the family - The Cat!

Excellent

If you're lucky in our house, you end up with all three cats on the table staring into your soul!

There’s a responsibility and a level of respect that comes with where a person sits at the and it’s how I like it done.

That’s weird and made up in your own head. What responsibilities are associated with set seats, you must explain. I can’t think of any? For us, people sitting on one long side would have the responsibility of ducking to the kitchen if something was forgotten as that’s the easiest access. Apart from that I can’t imagine any ‘responsibilities’ with any of the other seats.

@PolarBearYumYums

I sit at the head of my table with one of my grandchildren alongside me. One of the other members of the family sit at the other end opposite me. I usually tell the person I’d like them to sit there.

There’s a responsibility and a level of respect that comes with where a person sits at the and it’s how I like it done.

Presumably the grandchild is on a smaller chair and is only there to top up your wine glass as you demand it?

I now can't work out which posts are spoofs.

Head of the table, hierarchy of seating - my word! Surely the older guest absolutely should have the most comfortable seat and who on earth cares where they sit at the dinner table (apart from dd2 who wants to be velcroed to my side). As for the comments I'd say she doesn't want to put you out and perhaps is a little anxious around you. I'm not surprised tbh

@PolarBearYumYums

I sit at the head of my table with one of my grandchildren alongside me. One of the other members of the family sit at the other end opposite me. I usually tell the person I’d like them to sit there.

There’s a responsibility and a level of respect that comes with where a person sits at the and it’s how I like it done.

There’s a responsibility and a level of respect that comes with where a person sits at the and it’s how I like it done.

Gives a friendly wave (and a roll of the eyeballs) to Violet, Dowager Lady Grantham.

OP?