AIBU to be pissed mil at head of table

[Teatotal2]

Just that really and it isn't just for today, it's every time she visits, head of table, best seat in lounge etc.
I know I should be more charitable as she lost fil a couple of years ago but can feel it simmering, she can just be so entitled, if she showed some gratitude it would be different.
Also, I asked if she would like to stay over and instead of a "Oh, that would be lovely", "Yes, please" or "Are you sure it's no trouble" her reply was, "Well it would save me driving home!"😡
Response to offer of drinks etc. is usually, "If you're making one!", no please, thanks etc. Maybe it's me but my family are so grateful & expressive that it really needles me!
I know I should lighten up, it's Christmas bloody Day so please don't tell me too as that would definitely be counter intuitive.

Head of the table actually made me really crack up, where she sits wouldn’t bother me at all, but it’s just good manners to thank someone so that would grind on me,

I think your life would be more enjoyable if you didn’t give in to resentment. But then it might be your favourite hobby and you’d be lost without it.
I wouldn’t comment normally, but you asked.

The seats are not a problem, I'd expect my guest to have their best seat. No such thing as best seats in this house
Yabu about the seats, yanbu about her lack of manners.
I'd ask did she leave them at home.

@butterpuffed

Head of table ? Best seat in the lounge ? It doesn't sound very friendly at house .

This was my thought too. I have never taken note of where people sit at my table or in my lounge.

Is there a throne involved?

“If you’re making one” is a perfectly normal response to “Do you want a cup of tea?”

@esloquehay

I think I'd choose perfunctory over "so grateful and expressive" any day.

I think I would dislike you immensely😊

I get the “if you’re making one” annoyance. I have a family member who does this. If they’re in a good mood they will give you a straight “yes please” or “no thanks”. If they’re being moody, its “if you’re making one” or even worse “whatever” and it’s obviously a way of saying they want one without having to show gratitude/basic manners. At that point, I choose not to make one.

@ENDOFMESSAGE

I can tell right away you're from different counties. She hasn't a different dialect you to and you don't understand what dialect is or means so take everything literally as though everyone is born in the exact same place.

I was thinking something similar. ' If you're making one' is a normal and fairly polite response where I'm from. It means 'yes please'. She's not going to change now so best tune in a bit better.

Unless you are literally the fucking queen who actually cares about the "head" of the table or who sits where in the lounge?

If where she sits at the table is upsetting you, why not make little place cards? Then you can decide where she sits.

I think “head of the table” is the shit seat as it’s generally more crowded and harder to help yourself to stuff in the middle!

Is anyone else now looking round their lounge trying to work out which is the best seat?

Who is the one fixated on "head of table"?

If it's her, I'd be tempted to make paper mats with body parts on and make her end the arse.

Your relationship sounds strained, anyhow. Let her son deal with her, for a bit.

The head of the table at our family get together usually gets lumbered with the piano stool. It is the worst seat in the house and we take it in turns who sits there haha

Completely understand why you and your DH should be sitting at each end of the table. You are the hosts and these are the traditional places for you to sit. However, it's right that guests have the most comfy seats in the sitting room though.

Be more assertive about where's your MIL is placed for dining but be a more hospitable host re other seating. Hard when she's winding you up though!

YANBU. I get on fine with my MIL but she sat on my Island the other day and it did annoy me a little bit, although I’m not sure I can articulate why!

OP, you sound awful

What's wrong with saying, 'If you're making one?' in response to an offer of a drink, OP?

@icedcoffees

You should let the hosts tell you where to sit. You certainly don't plonk yourself at the head of the table.

God, why does it matter where anyone sits?

This! Do people really care about such insignificant things? She sounds a bit direct but otherwise I can’t see what on earth she’s done wrong

I totally misread your title. I thought you were asking if you would be unreasonable to be a drunk MIL sitting at the table and I was going to say, yes probably. Unless everyone is also pissed. But you meant pissed off, not pissed.

And I also have no idea what the best seat in the lounge is. Her way of expressing things sounds like a way of being polite to me. She's trying to not put you out whilst acknowledging you are doing things for her. Definitely a way I have expressed myself before too.

Does anyone else read posts from women like the OP and think God I am dreading when I have a DIL

@Autumndays123

Does anyone else read posts from women like the OP and think God I am dreading when I have a DIL

Yes.

But the OP losing a FIL seems to have made her behave like one so...

Agreed. Three guesses who normally has the “best seat”…

@Icebreaker99

Traditionally you would give her the head of the table and the best seat because she is senior in age and a guest. It's hard to judge the tone of the rest, it could appear that she doesn't want to be a bother that's why she'll have a drink if you're making one. Unless there is a massive backstory coming these are minor things, and you MIL is family, does she really need to make a show of how grateful she is for your benevolence?

I agree with Ice. "If you are having one" is a polite phrase aka "If it's no trouble".