Do you have to tell your husband what you want for Christmas?

[OGenkiDesuKa]

Was taking to my friend who me ruined she had given her husband her Christmas list and she hoped he got everything on it.
I asked didn’t he know what she would want just from knowing her and from conversations they’ve had throughout the year? She said no way!

I’d be really sad if my husband had to ask me what I wanted as it wouldn’t be surprise and it would show to me he doesn’t listen. He always manages to get me exactly what I want without me asking! And vice versa.

How does it work with you and your spouses? Aibu to feel that way?

@Iamblossom. It’s more the principle of being generous throughout the year, IYSWIM. I could pay for all my own treats, but DH is fine with paying jointly, just I don’t begrudge him his leather jacket.

@OGenkiDesuKa

I don’t expect any of those things, hence why it’s a SURPRISE.

I would absolutely expect my husband of 30 off years to be able to buy me a present without a bloody list though.

Yes, but would he get you the right one? I said upthread that I mentioned wanting a new pair of kitchen scales, because I love baking, it’s a genuine hobby. DH bought me some, but they weren’t the ones I had in mind!

When I casually said I thought diamond earrings looked nice with everything a few years ago ( I meant a nice pair of studs), he bought me some massive chandelier-style ones that looked like something from Dynasty! He really tries, but has completely different taste to me.

Fiance and I do a mix. So not a strict, issued list but suggestions or hints from chats, sometimes something that's needed and which been discussed and we also try and give surprise of some sort- again, often based on conversations, known interests/seeing what each other checked out whilst shopping etc.

My mum issues a Christmas list. She gives it to me and I divvy it up between two and tell my dad what he's buying her, in addition to whichever item she's pointed out to him online or in a catalogue or in the jewellers. I then buy and wrap those items ( he's an 87yo technophobe) and screenshot cards on amazon and send them to him. He messages back his selection and I buy it, send it to him via amazon and drop the presents round for him. He pays me immediately when I buy for him. I also try and give mum small surprises but I'm careful. She occasionally wants a surprise but will look furious and thwarted if it's wrong.

We've reached the point where we mostly just buy what we want for ourselves for Christmas. When we do shop for one another for birthdays, Amazon wish lists usually are the source of inspiration. Sometimes if he mentions that he's considering something, I'll encourage him to get it "for his birthday".

We don't spend time shopping together, these days, so there aren't really opportunities for one of us to notice the other looking at something and putting it back. We have other ways of showing love and appreciation.

He asked for a list of ideas so I sent him a range. He usually adds books, other bits and pieces. I don't know what he's actually picked up.

I admit I have not read the full thread. But I remember when my DH was excited to find me presents, listened to what I said etc to find those presents.
We exchange gifts tomorrow as we are going to have to fly to my family the day after.
He picked something of a suggested list of things he told me I could pick.
I found something I thought he’d love (found out he does) plus other things of a list he sent me.
I bought stuff from his suggestion list when he sent it (in October) and wrapped them. I get him small things from DD etc.
He hasn’t even bothered to wrap whatever he got me on HIS prescribed list of my choices.
That’s why I guess I voted YABU - do you think most men after a few years give a shit?
To be fair I’d love to meet one

Oh and just to add - I despise Christmas and presents.
I lost my first daughter at Christmas.
My only living child has no concept of presents or Christmas.
I guess I feel sad that there’s no wanting to please…any more.
And that’s why I think Christmas presents for adults are redundant unless you are really and truly in love

I’m not married
I buy DP small surprises but ask about big things or we do lists - unless he’s mentioned wanting or needing something
For example 2 years ago I paid for a January hot holiday in lieu of a big present - last year it was tools for his hobby
I ask him for either specific things that I need to choose myself eg handbag or jewellery or sometimes an item but without direction
I love perfume and he’s really good at finding things I might not have tried but always suit me
We both try and find niche novelty things to surprise each other with - it’s not about the price it’s the thought behind it as we both shop at charity shops and car boots etc

And we got married last week to PP so yes I’m fully aware I’m still in newly wedded bliss plus newborn bubble and life is #blessed.

You had a wedding & baby that close together?! Wowsers hats off to you, that must have been a lot to plan. I allowed 3 days after the wedding before honeymoon because I just couldn't even think about holiday until the wedding was done.

@Blue4YOU

Yes I 100% do. Neither of us are materialistic and also we’re grown ups… if we want something through the year we just buy it! So Xmas can be hard. We both care a lot for each other a lot thought towards each other but really we put a lot of weight on activities together rather than gifts. Regardless I end up feeling panicked before Xmas day that he won’t have stuff to open but we’re both fine. YABVU to think it’s sad

I wouldn't expect anyone else to know what my favourite type of shower gel was, or my favourite type of body butter or facial serum etc without asking me. For example, I'm not going to discuss the benefits of heavenly ginger lily scent or Neal's yard beauty sleep body butter formula with anyone else - it's too dull! I'd prefer to be asked than receive something I wouldn't enjoy using.

Frankly yes it or I’d end up with something crap I didn’t want and it would be difficult to dispose of it politely when we live together!

@mclaw yes 6 weeks after a csection! Don’t know what I was thinking but luckily it all went ok and was perfect

@mclaw thank you

Some people are good at choosing presents and some aren't.

I once told my husband the coat I wanted for Christmas -style/color/size/manufacturer/store suggestions and he excitedly watched me open the coat he bought-it was the exact coat I had worn the day I gave him all the info- and I asked him what the heck? "But it's kind of like what you said it's a casual style" It was not. I took it back and just bought the coat I wanted. I can't explain it.

I've bought my own presents from my husband for the last two years but he's still managed to sneak in something extra, last year it was a cashmere jumper which I loved.

But I've been doing my shopping as he flat out at work, plus he is doing a lot of renovations in the house and gets zero down time.

When I'm doing on line orders for all the other presents i might as well order mine then he's not got another thing to stress about and I really don't need a gift to tell me he loves me. The main reason we do presents is because we live opening things even if we don't need anything

We have very different attitudes to money so that can make things tricky. There are things I would like but only if bought at a price I was willing to pay, DH would just buy at any price. I've just sent him to the shop to buy alternative milk. I wasn't specific about exactly which one because there are quite a lot and we have moved recently so I don't know the options very well. He has I suspect managed to find the most expensive milk in the shop (I can't ask, I will be really pissed off with the answer) and could possibly be £4+ more than what I would have paid and that's just for 1 litre (not in the UK).

@OGenkiDesuKa OMG, you are crazy! 😆

I'm really really difficult to buy for.
I don't like make up, hand creams. Other lotions and potions.
I hate buying new clothes at the best of times. .
I don't like to read
Don't wear jewellery other than wedding ring.

I like the odd perfume but I have loads.

I'd sooner choose what I want /well need. So i chose a new dressing gown. As I like a certain length and fussy with material.
And bras. Nowt exciting. But it makes ME happy.! I even ordered it for him to collect. Again I prefer to do this.

If he had to go and find soemthing he wouldn't succeed because I'm fussy and plain,

I'd much prefer receiving a nice bed set or a storage solution. As sad as it is to some. But that's me.

And I buy what I want all year.
We only buy for each other as the dcs like to see what we got. Or ' from' the dcs the label would be

My husband randomly asked what size my feet were tonight and if I had slippers.

I'm 40 not 70.

I said please don't buy me anything and then he said "well I looked for slippers today for you and none went up to your size". I'm a 7.

We always ask each other, and get those things for each other, but we also have one surprise gift in addition. Seems to work just fine.

My DH has gone rogue, but has had my gifts squirrelled away for about six weeks now.!

I know what two of my presents are (he's told me, I haven't looked) - one is a vibrator, the other is a picky uppy sticky, to grab things off the floor.

I appreciate this sounds like a very obscure combination, however I'm six months pregnant and my hips have gone 'ping' over the past couple of weeks, and bending (and anything else) is really painful.

This has unfortunately coincided with a rush of hormones that, well, both presents will be useful.

He either knows me really well, better than I could anticipate as I didn't know this shit was coming, or got really, REALLY lucky. Neither of those would have been on a list!