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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you have to tell your husband what you want for Christmas?

222 replies

OGenkiDesuKa · 21/12/2021 16:21

Was taking to my friend who me ruined she had given her husband her Christmas list and she hoped he got everything on it.
I asked didn’t he know what she would want just from knowing her and from conversations they’ve had throughout the year? She said no way!

I’d be really sad if my husband had to ask me what I wanted as it wouldn’t be surprise and it would show to me he doesn’t listen. He always manages to get me exactly what I want without me asking! And vice versa.

How does it work with you and your spouses? Aibu to feel that way?

OP posts:
toconclude · 21/12/2021 16:58

@Locomelon

Biscuit
Exactly. OP everyone is jealous and envious of your super sensitive hubby and his deep love for you . That's what you wanted to hear, wasn't it? Now, if you actually want a real answer, of course I ask, as does he. It's still a conversation, I just don't unreasonably expect him to read my mind. Plus I loathe surprises.
PartyPrawnRingGames · 21/12/2021 16:59

I don't think it's wrong to do lists, DH and I used to as we would spend a bit more and we would want a certain item but then we cut back a bit and now just do small surprise gifts that can't go wrong.

Overitallnow · 21/12/2021 17:00

I normally just buy it myself. No drama.

mclaw · 21/12/2021 17:00

I just love when I open a gift and I wonder how the hell he knew I wanted that thing and it turns out I absentmindedly mentioned it in passing 6 months ago and he remembered. It just shows that he listens to me and it makes me feel really loved and appreciated.

How does that work though? I mention things all the time & shop a lot so if I want something I buy it. I can't even remember what I mentioned 6 months ago! 😆

Kbyodjs · 21/12/2021 17:01

Well that’s nice for you but I don’t even really think about what I want for Christmas until December and I doubt DH would know; I’ve had experiences in the past where partners have got me expensive well meaning presents which I’ve never used and from both real life and mumsnet I’m not alone so if rather tell him and have something bought that I want yet would never buy myself

tiredandgrumps · 21/12/2021 17:01

I never used to, we used to spend a fair bit on each other and get a few things but since DD came along we limit what we spend and usually tell each other what we want. We both get each other a small gift from DD that is usually a surprise

Original poster
OGenkiDesuKa · 21/12/2021 17:01

@mclaw same! That’s why it’s so special Grin I’m like, I didn’t even know I needed/wanted this!

OP posts:
mclaw · 21/12/2021 17:02

Like what though, give some examples?

WreathSupreme · 21/12/2021 17:02

My husband gets me lovely thoughtful things and I get him boring stuff he needs like socks and clothes Sad I have to ask him what specific cookbooks he’d like because I don’t want to pick an amateur cookbook. I feel really bad that I cant buy thoughtful and sentimental presents.
I always ask dh and my family for gift lists because I’m just not good at presents.

tiredanddangerous · 21/12/2021 17:03

We do a list for each other. It's a long list so what we open on the day is still a surprise.

Nozy · 21/12/2021 17:03

I had to walk round the shops by myself, choose my gifts take them home, show dh and then help him wrap them up, he also chose his gifts as well and I have told him what "we" have bought the children.
I actually don't mind that, as I have no idea what I want until I walk round the shops/try things on and he has no imagination so would probably just buy all my presents from Anne summers if left to go and choose.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 21/12/2021 17:03

I just love when I open a gift and I wonder how the hell he knew I wanted that thing and it turns out I absentmindedly mentioned it in passing 6 months ago and he remembered. It just shows that he listens to me and it makes me feel really loved and appreciated.
My DH would buy me what I want when I mention it rather than waiting six months.

RubyFakeLips · 21/12/2021 17:05

You sound very smug.

Personally, I’ve found no link to a happy marriage and not doing a gift list. We’ve been together nearly 30 years but I don’t really discuss the lovely perfume/candle I smelt when out or a jumper I fancied and we don’t typically shop together, isn’t our idea of a leisure activity. We often surprise each other with little things but generally do lists.

Also by the amount of forlorn lost looking men I saw wandering Bluewater today asking for vague help, I’d rather a list than a panic buy selected by a shop assistant.

AryaStarkWolf · 21/12/2021 17:06

Not unless there's something very specific I'd like which there usually isn't, normally we go away for a weekend as a Christmas present to ourselves and then get a few small bits and pieces for each other to open on Christmas day

Original poster
OGenkiDesuKa · 21/12/2021 17:07

@mclaw so for my birthday I got some perfume from him. Turns out it was the perfume that I had a whiff of when we went sales shopping in January I went “oh that’s really nice!” And put it back. I didn’t even really take notice of what it was so wasn’t something I would have been able to go back and buy. I didn’t even realise he was stood near me at the time but he saw it, clocked which one it was and remembered. My birthday is November. Just little things like that. He just picks up on what I linger at I guess when out and a out and he makes nite of things when we talk. I often see him scrolling through a specific brand of skates so know they’re the ones he like so have bought him those for Christmas. Just things like that.

OP posts:
oneglassandpuzzled · 21/12/2021 17:07

Usually need to provide link with colour and size for anything on the pricey size. Occasionally he will surprise me with something wonderful.

WreathSupreme · 21/12/2021 17:09

Although he has occasionally bought me random shite like nose plugs and a sculpted piece of driftwood Hmm

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/12/2021 17:10

I hate surprises and just because I mention something doesn't mean I want one. I'm better at shopping, he would just pay whatever it costs whereas I would look for a deal. Sometimes I see a deal and decide I would like something without having known about it before. I like one of a kind things that can't be sourced 6 months later or are out of season. I just buy my own now, it makes me happier to receive what I would like rather than what he thinks I would like.

lastqueenofscotland · 21/12/2021 17:11

Nope he knows me, my tastes and interests very well and makes notes of things I think are nice over the year.
I wish he’d tell me though he’s impossible to buy for!!!

mclaw · 21/12/2021 17:11

Also by the amount of forlorn lost looking men I saw wandering Bluewater today asking for vague help, I’d rather a list than a panic buy selected by a shop assistant.

😆

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 21/12/2021 17:12

@OGenkiDesuKa

I just love when I open a gift and I wonder how the hell he knew I wanted that thing and it turns out I absentmindedly mentioned it in passing 6 months ago and he remembered. It just shows that he listens to me and it makes me feel really loved and appreciated.
Yes, well done, you’ve got the best marriage and husband in the world. 🙄
rrhuth · 21/12/2021 17:12

A mixture here, sometimes we chat about what we want and sometimes we buy surprises.

Original poster
OGenkiDesuKa · 21/12/2021 17:13

Also by the amount of forlorn lost looking men I saw wandering Bluewater today asking for vague help, I’d rather a list than a panic buy selected by a shop assistant

Haha! I used to work in a shoe shop. I had to babysit a lot of very upset men returning the boots they had bought for their wives on Boxing Day Grin

OP posts:
fibeee · 21/12/2021 17:14

Yes my husband gets very anxious unless he’s a list of gift ideas to work off. This goes for birthdays too. He also usually has an idea of exactly what he wants so presents are rarely surprises in our house.

Bigassbeebuzzbuzz · 21/12/2021 17:15

I tend to buy my own as dp says he never knows what to get. It's nice in a way but just once ide like him to buy me a present which is a complete surprise.
We have talked about it and he says he wouldnt want to get me something I didnt want and it what his parents always did, so I can understand his pov but dammit at this point ide be happy if he surprised me with a kitkat.