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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you have to tell your husband what you want for Christmas?

222 replies

OGenkiDesuKa · 21/12/2021 16:21

Was taking to my friend who me ruined she had given her husband her Christmas list and she hoped he got everything on it.
I asked didn’t he know what she would want just from knowing her and from conversations they’ve had throughout the year? She said no way!

I’d be really sad if my husband had to ask me what I wanted as it wouldn’t be surprise and it would show to me he doesn’t listen. He always manages to get me exactly what I want without me asking! And vice versa.

How does it work with you and your spouses? Aibu to feel that way?

OP posts:

Locomelon · 21/12/2021 16:22

Siennabear · 21/12/2021 16:26

I normally tell my husband what I want and he tells me as it is usually something very specific. We don’t do lists though, we just get one present each, similar values. We are both quite ‘fussy’ and don’t like things to go to waste if it’s not something we want. What’s wrong with that?

Cherrysoup · 21/12/2021 16:31

We just link what we want or even buy it ourselves and hand it over to the other person to wrap.

Original poster

OGenkiDesuKa · 21/12/2021 16:36

@Cherrysoup does that not spoil it a bit for you though? If I had to buy it myself I just wouldn’t see the point in giving it to him to wrap I would just buy it and keep it.

OP posts:

larkle · 21/12/2021 16:37

Too much stuff in the world already to take a chance on someone liking a surprise gift. Much safer to ask for something specific.
I am always shocked at MN threads when posters complain about being given the wrong present. They seem to expect something really lovely as a surprise. What on earth is 'really lovely'?
So many posters claim to buy thoughtful presents for their partners. I often wonder if their partners really find them thoughtful in real life.
When I have asked about the 'thoughtful present', it usually turns out to be a photo album or a framed photo.

GaspingGekko · 21/12/2021 16:39

I barely know what I want for Christmas so no I wouldn't expect DH to know. Plus like a PP I'm pretty fussy, if say he wanted to buy me a handbag there's very little chance he would pick the one that I actually want.

I've had years of my DM buying well intended gifts that are almost what I want, but not quite. Then not being able to justify buying what I actually want because I already have the one DM got me. And my DM listens and knows me very well.
So now I'm more than happy to state exactly what I want to my DH.

penguinwithasuitcase · 21/12/2021 16:39

You'll get a lot of cynics on here, OP.

I'm with you, though –somehow DP and I manage to choose presents for one another that we might not have thought of for ourselves and also suit our tastes / needs.

Radical stuff but hey – we're CRAZY

Squirrelblanket · 21/12/2021 16:43

No, my husband is thoughtful in lots of ways but this isn't one of them. We usually ask each other for something specific and then leave part of the budget for surprise gifts. His are very hit and miss. My aunt and her husband have been very happily married for 40 years and he is the same, so I don't like the implication that it's something to be sad about.

And it's not just husbands. My sister is awful at choosing gifts. Some people just don't have it in them.

mindutopia · 21/12/2021 16:44

We always tell each other things we like. There is no list and we don't automatically get what we discussed and nothing else. But frankly, I hate buying gifts (other than my dc, thankfully I don't really have to buy any, NC with my family and dh does all the buying for his family and usually for friends too).

This year dh told me two things he wanted and he is getting exactly those two things. We've all been self-isolating at home for nearly 2 weeks and buying presents is the last thing either of us can be bothered with at the moment as we are panicking to finish work. Dh also likes very specific technical gear that I have absolutely no knowledge of, so would be no use me trying to guess exactly what he wanted!

Ohshittt · 21/12/2021 16:45

@Cherrysoup

We just link what we want or even buy it ourselves and hand it over to the other person to wrap.

Surely it is really wasteful to have someone wrap a present when you already know what it is? I have never understood people doing this. Perhaps put in a gift bag that could be used again but to actually wrap it sounds like madness to me!

smashingbaubles · 21/12/2021 16:46

My DH chooses great gifts for me, and I choose rest ones for him.

I mean, sometimes there have been missteps (like when I bought him an activity voucher for us to do which I thought he’d love and he was horrified by!!) but we mostly get it spot on and I’ve had some brilliant jewellery and make up over the years, which always surprises people as you wouldn’t think he’d be good at picking that out to look at him!

Tal45 · 21/12/2021 16:46

We have a mix of surprises and things we've said we want which is a good compromise IMO.

Squirrelblanket · 21/12/2021 16:46

Also, I think it depends on what you, the individual, considers a good gift. My husband massively prefers very practical presents that he will actually use e.g. new trainers for the gym. I can't get excited about things like that because they are things I would buy anyway. I prefer luxury/treaty things I might not buy for myself. So we're just coming at things from different angles.

DappledThings · 21/12/2021 16:48

I am utterly shit at picking presents for anyone. DH and I do manage to get each other exactly what we want for Xmas as we don't get each other anything!

GreenestValley · 21/12/2021 16:49

@Cherrysoup

We just link what we want or even buy it ourselves and hand it over to the other person to wrap.

You wrap your own Christmas presents?

That’s sad.

Keladrythesaviour · 21/12/2021 16:50

I usually provide a list, DH sometimes does if he wants specific car parts etc. We do sometimes get surprise gifts though, in the past I've had a designer handbag and some other lovely bits. Often our lists will just say "shoes" and then the actual shoe is a surprise. DH doesn't keep track if I'm running low on perfume etc so I will tell him if I would like a new bottle for Christmas etc.

Mammma91 · 21/12/2021 16:50

My partner tells me what he wants, i get him it + a few small extras I know he’ll like. And he does the same for me. I think its just nice to be treated 😂

UniBallEye · 21/12/2021 16:51

We never ask each other for anything. I would not like that at all, but we're both good at presents for the other. The surprise is a huge element of it all.

I have no idea what dh has bought me this year but he seems very happy with himself about it. We like to try to make the other one give us a hint but it never works or we throw each other off the scent.

I might ask for a particular something for my birthday if I really wanted it, though again it's rare. But for some reason we never do it for Christmas

I've never been disappointed by any present dh has bought me but he puts a lot of thought into them.

I think whatever works for each couple is the thing that works!

TLIMSISNW · 21/12/2021 16:52

DH is a wonderful, wonderful man. He is however, a terrible, terrible present picker. I used to be polite and pretend to like whatever he bought and hope that he’d improve, however many, many years have passed and he is still the worst present picker I’ve ever had a present from. Bless him.

I now send him a link to what I want (although he can’t resist getting me a surprise so this has a strict £10 limit as I just know it’ll be simething I won’t like). I’m also not keen on surprises.

I get him surprise presents as he likes surprises and I’m good at buying presents.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

boomboom1234 · 21/12/2021 16:52

We give each other links of what we want so the other can order easily online and agree a budget. I hate waste and hate being gifted stuff I don't want. He is so awkward to buy for I would never get it right. This way we have treats we really want. I don't know if that's somehow inferior but we are happy with that set up.

mclaw · 21/12/2021 16:54

My family make lists for the whole family & spouses & we coordinate & buy from those lists for each other & a few "surprise" things off list.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 21/12/2021 16:55

We’ve had a few muck ups over the years and quite a few years where my DH has bought me lots of lovely gifts. Last year we slightly changed things, and I picked a handbag and this year a dressing gown and then he bought me a couple of surprises too. Last year one surprise was a Dyson hairdryer which I didn’t even know I wanted but I love.
This year my DH asked for a map and sent me the Etsy link and I’ve bought him a few surprises.

mclaw · 21/12/2021 16:56

Our lists are quite long though so you wouldn't get everything & don't know what you would get for example v

Original poster

OGenkiDesuKa · 21/12/2021 16:57

I just love when I open a gift and I wonder how the hell he knew I wanted that thing and it turns out I absentmindedly mentioned it in passing 6 months ago and he remembered. It just shows that he listens to me and it makes me feel really loved and appreciated.

OP posts:

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 21/12/2021 16:57

After (many) years of hoping to be surprised by DH with something I’d actually like, I now provide a list from which he chooses a few things. There was one infamous year where I said, ‘anything from x shop’. It was a shop literally filled with stuff I’d like (earrings, mugs, scarves, homewares, candles etc). He managed to find me the ONE thing in that shop I’d hate. Literally, the only one.

My teenage daughter now helps him pick

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