Do you have to tell your husband what you want for Christmas?

[OGenkiDesuKa]

Was taking to my friend who me ruined she had given her husband her Christmas list and she hoped he got everything on it.
I asked didn’t he know what she would want just from knowing her and from conversations they’ve had throughout the year? She said no way!

I’d be really sad if my husband had to ask me what I wanted as it wouldn’t be surprise and it would show to me he doesn’t listen. He always manages to get me exactly what I want without me asking! And vice versa.

How does it work with you and your spouses? Aibu to feel that way?

@toconclude aren't there more pressing issues for you to get your claws out for? Being that nasty about something so utterly benign leaves you looking embarrassingly bitter...

OP I think some of this also may have to do with the whole love language thing.

The 'gifts' language is meant to be about exactly what you're talking about: it's not about the object itself, it's taking the time and paying the attention to be able to choose something that they know you'll like, and demonstrating that they're thinking of you when you're not together.

I wonder if the PPs who have got sneery at you about this are simply people for whom this doesn't rate highly in terms of their love languages and who don't have the imagination to consider that other people may delight in different things

@OGenkiDesuKa I think it depends on the person & circumstances. I would say perfume was quite a standard present but DH & I haven't been shopping together since we were in our 20s so he would buy one I've used in the past.

I struggle to buy DH stuff because if he was looking at skates they would be delivered that week!

Do I have to tell DH what I want for Xmas???

Not this year as DH has declared that there shall be no presents.
Luckily he’s not with us on Xmas day (another story), so DD and I will be having a great time, including presents and partying.

Some people are easier to buy for like my mum who has lots of interests but isn't very picky or specific about exact items and she loves everything because it's the thought that counts. I know if I got her the "wrong" thing she would still be happy I took the trouble to buy her it and it's not stressful trying to pick something out. With DH if I picked something he didn't like he would be disappointed and think it a waste of money when he could have spent that on something he really wanted.

I do a list. Husband, daughter and son pick from it. Everyone's happy

We each know what treats the other likes and get a few. Usually he will buy me some jewellery and I will get him some alcohol. It's very relaxed though and sometimes one or other of us gets too busy. No one gets the hump.

This year has ended in stress for both of us and we are just looking forward to a day together eating nice food and drinking wine, watching DD open her presents.

Yes. Sometimes I buy and wrap it myself. My DH is a crap present buyer. He has very simple tastes himself (nightmare to buy for).

First few years I would get into a sulk/upset “he doesn’t care”. Nope he does care he’s crap at presents.

What made me get a grip was thinking of all the small little things he does: make sure my car has fuel in before I go on long journeys (and puts sweets in the glove compartment). He will go out and de ice my car at 5 am (even though he doesn’t have to be up for 2 hours) and makes me a travel cup of tea. He picks up my favourite chocolate when I message and say I have a bad day. He puts a hot water bottle on my side of the bed so it’s warm when I come to bed.

"I just love when I open a gift and I wonder how the hell he knew I wanted that thing and it turns out I absentmindedly mentioned it in passing 6 months ago and he remembered"

Reminds me of the Christmas when I desperately wanted a guess handbag and got an iPod, slendertone and state of the art juicer. I wanted a £25 version of the juicer and never used the one bought because it was a faff to clean. They had logic behind them, though.
Another time I was pricing and trying perfume for someone leaving work, I hated it, but had to wear it because it was so expensive.
I don't like lots of stuff and want what I want. I suppose it depends on your income and can buy what you want whenever you want, otherwise it's a waste.

For my birthday, I received an outdoor speaker for next summer.

Hes bought some terrible gifts in our time together.

So yes. I need to tell him what I'd like.

A pair of maternity PJs, a bottle of cheap bubble bath and some chocolate please. Dairymilk, galaxy, M&Ms or snickers will do please.

I don't think I'm hard to buy for tbh. If I got the same from everyone I'd be happy as a pig in shit.

A few times on holiday we have visited a jewellery shop & I've looked at things & he has later surprised me with something I looked at so he's obvs paying attention then.

The 'magically knowing what each other wanted' lasted 2 years.

We're 12 years in now, we write each other lists. Might be a couple of items off list or inspired by list, but list is best.

@rosemaryandlemon spot on. My husband brings me coffee in bed before I can even unstick my eyes in the morning. He puts on the electric blanket every evening because I always forget. He praises my cooking even when I burn every component on the plate. These are things that matter. I can buy myself whatevet specific things I need.

@Nowayoutonlydown

For my birthday, I received an outdoor speaker for next summer.

Hes bought some terrible gifts in our time together.

So yes. I need to tell him what I'd like.

A pair of maternity PJs, a bottle of cheap bubble bath and some chocolate please. Dairymilk, galaxy, M&Ms or snickers will do please.

I don't think I'm hard to buy for tbh. If I got the same from everyone I'd be happy as a pig in shit.

You should get together with the tat from b&m posters husband

Just to add I liked the random flowers, treats that he'd come in with. He'd buy me fish for my tank and was kind all year round.

YABVU.

DH always wants something connected to his hobbies but if I was to buy it off my own knowledge, I'd get the wrong size or brand, or the one that didn't have a tiny but very important piece of equipment attached to it, lol.

He tends to buy me vouchers which I'm sure you find horribly unromantic, but it means I get exactly what I want. This year he got me wax melt vouchers (my birthday was last week) and I'm getting clothing vouchers for my birthday. If he was to pick, he'd get the wrong scents, candles instead of melts, the wrong size clothes and probably totally the wrong colour too :)

That doesn't mean he doesn't know me or what I want.

I always know what I want so I just tell DH. Doesn’t mean I’m not excited on Christmas Day, as I love what I’ve asked for.

@OGenkiDesuKa

I just love when I open a gift and I wonder how the hell he knew I wanted that thing and it turns out I absentmindedly mentioned it in passing 6 months ago and he remembered. It just shows that he listens to me and it makes me feel really loved and appreciated.

Just out of interest, have you been married long?

No, but after 16 years together we both need a few hints as we're running out of ideas! So on the run up to Christmas, I might say "my slippers are in a sorry state", or "oh my perfume is running low, I'll have to get myself a new bottle"!
He always gets me a few total surprises too though.

I don't often know what I have eg perfume, jewellery, make up wise so I wouldn't expect him too!

No , have never ever made a list of things for anyone to buy me anything.. It's not the way I view gift giiving at all.

Damn it. Yes. And I haven’t!! Lord knows what I’ll end up with.

My DS does a list of what he wants for Christmas and despite me knowing my child very well and loving him there's always stuff on there I didn't know he wanted. It's the same for me and DH, although he's a much better present buyer than I am and his surprise presents are amazing, he has less hobbies/interests so it's usually a bit harder to surprise him and I'm not as thoughtful as he is! At least with a list we know the other is getting things they want.

[quote OGenkiDesuKa]@Cherrysoup does that not spoil it a bit for you though? If I had to buy it myself I just wouldn’t see the point in giving it to him to wrap I would just buy it and keep it.[/quote]
I agree! What on earth is the point of wrapping things up when you bought them yourself and know what they are?! 🤔🤣🤣

DH and I don't buy each other presents. If we want something, we get it for ourselves, we don't wait until Christmas to get it. Much easier that way. Saves an awful lot of faffing about!

For my birthday, I received an outdoor speaker for next summer.

that made me laugh