There are no such things as Empaths

[Seafog]

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

@DontTellThemYourNamePike

How do these 'empaths' know they're 'empaths'? How do they KNOW they feel any different from anyone else? Do people say 'Wow, you're so empathetic' as said empath wails into their cornflakes with the sheer weight of their emotions?

Exactly. Perhaps I feel the empathy as much as the empaths I just don’t feel the need to label myself as such an announce it.

I don't know any genuine empaths who 'announce it' though, most keep it to themselves or only discuss it with those who feel the same way. A few folk have felt able to speak up here, going against the flow. Please bear in mind that we are all different, and just because you don't experience something or struggle to understand it, doesn't mean others cannot experience it. Also, no one person is better, or worse, than another, based simply on character/personality traits (well unless they are a narcissistic psychopath I suppose!).

I won't say anything else on this topic, other than to wish you all well.

I'm exceptionally empathetic in that I pick up on moods and atmospheres more than 'normal' people.
It's nothing special of woo though, it comes from an abusive childhood where I had to read what mood my father was in

Some people say they are empath, and they are absolutely not. Some genuinely are.
I soak up the feelings in a room, I carry other people’s emotions. But I don’t t make it anyone else’s problem. I’m not dramatic. I don’t really talk about it.

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark how do you know that what you're feeling is any different to people who don't identify as empaths, and they just take it on board and get on with their day?

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark

Some people say they are empath, and they are absolutely not. Some genuinely are. I soak up the feelings in a room, I carry other people’s emotions. But I don’t t make it anyone else’s problem. I’m not dramatic. I don’t really talk about it.

I said I wasn't going to say anything else, but I can relate to what you have said, and have tried to articulate similar thoughts. Take care.

@PermanentTemporary

I'd be very embarrassed if I met someone who said they were an empath, because I'd assume they could tell I had a huge surge of cynicism happening.

People who call themselves “empaths” just lack the ability tôt understand that other people actually feel emotions as strongly as they do. Some of the stories on here that prove heightened levels of empathy are hilarious—yes everyone is brought down by working next to “father stone”, most people can read social cues when they enter a room. It’s almost like you’re so empathetic you can’t read that others feel the same way 🤔

@CoedenNadolig

Empath = over involved, over invested, busy body drama queen/king in my experience.

Twat works also.

Not really.

There are probably lots of people labelling themselves as "empaths" who really aren't. By definition, an "empath" is not self absorbed and would not be a "drama queen/king" at all.

Most people who actually meet the definition of an "empath" are very unlikely to actually tell anyone that they do, or even to admit to themselves. So really "empath" is kind of a mute definition/ word really and fairly pointless.

Oh dear Lord. I've just messaged this thread to my colleague with a warning that we can expect this nonsense as another reason people are flattened by the effort of exchanging a days work for pay.

All "psychology" is bollocks IMO.

I have yet to meet a self-proclaimed empath that I would share any issues that I am going through with. The ones I have met appear to be unboundaried, self-serving individuals with unresolved issues of their own, that use everyone elses problems to boost their own sense of self.

There's a reason therapists have to have a) therapy and b) supervision. It's to prevent people with those kind of issue getting into the profession without having dealt with their own stuff first.

A lot of people who describe themselves as really empathetic or who see that as a major part of their personality to the extent they tell everyone who'll listen how hard it is bearing the troubles of the world are just interested in turning other people's problems in to their problems so they become the focus of attention.

I agree op. I've never said this out loud but I've long suspected I'm somewhere on the asd spectrum because things that don't seem to bother people really do effect me.
Obvs that's not the only reason, but I feel like it's such an exhausting burden to carry and not a positive thing at all.

Why anyone would want to constantly feel everything so intensely and then go around talking about it just feels the opposite of how it actually feels. I think people who are most empathetic are probably very quiet about it.

How do these 'empaths' know they're 'empaths'? How do they KNOW they feel any different from anyone else?

The same way they 'know' what others feel: they assume their guesses are correct.

DW is genuinely very empathetic but she also leaps to fairly wild conclusions sometimes. I (being much poorer at reading social ques in my youth) have learnt to accept that guesses about others feelings are often wrong.

A few years ago I remember coming in late to work and thinking the atmosphere was very tense. I said asked what I'd missed, 5 of my 7 colleagues looked at me blankly. It turned out another collegue had cornered the boss early and handed in her notice that hadn't been well received. No-one else had picked up on it.

There's been a few situations like that. But it's not some kind of special mental ability, like I said earlier it's being hyper sensitive to non verbal cues that you get if you grown up in an unstable environment.

Only person I've heard say that, of her children, has the most self absorbed, unaware children I've ever met in 20 years of teaching. They are, perhaps,

aware of the feelings of others, but are also incredibly selfish and unadaptable. And are yet to understand that "everyone is I".

I think some people have a hypervigilant awareness of mood/atmosphere due to childhood experiences. Not sure these people go round self describing as "empaths" though.

I do not believe that it is possible to actually feel someone else's emotions. You can relate, feel sadness for them, feel sympathy, but it's really quite crass and insulting to suggest you are in real terms feeling what they are. I would run a mile from anyone who said they were an empath (except Deanna Troi, she seemed OK)

I always find that these people actually have the opposite of empathy. They’re not considering other people’s feelings or experiences. They’re attributing those feelings to themselves and making it all about how they feel. The result is that the person whose situation it is completely sidelined and it’s all about the ‘empath’.

What these people are is emotional vampires who’ve found a label that makes them sound superior to everyone else.

@NerrSnerr sometimes I ask if any one noticed a vibe. Also when talking with people I feel and read a lot more into a situation then others would never come close to contemplating. Things don’t wash over me, I notice everything. The saying to read a room, I don’t need to, I feel it the moment I enter. I’m rarely wrong either in my feelings.
My intuition is razor sharp, it has never failed me.

There's a reason therapists have to have a) therapy and b) supervision.

It’s also why therapists ask lots of questions, and repeat back the answers. They’re not telling their client what they feel. Or claiming those feelings as their own. They are trying to help their client to figure out how they feel, and how to move beyond the feelings (and experiences) that are making their lives difficult.

Unless they’re shit therapists. I had an awful experience with a truly dire relate counsellor. One of (many) truly dreadful things she did was to dictate how things must be done (only one true right way - and we are talking petty, practical things like dinner arrangements). Maybe she thinks of herself as an ‘empath’. But what she is is a dangerously bad counsellor.

I don’t know about empaths, but I have a friend who does have an uncanny knack of picking up on people’s feelings. I used to think she was overthinking things when she asked me if I’d noticed so-and-so seeking down or an atmosphere between two other friends, but she has picked up on me feeling anxious or upset when nobody else has. She’s never described herself as an empathetic, though - don’t think I could be friendly with anyone who made such a self-aggrandising pronouncement - and I don’t get the impression she takes on other people’s feelings. In fact, she seems to have very robust mental health. She is just very, very attuned to other people.

That is one person out of the many friends and acquaintances I’ve had over the years. I think it’s rare.

I knew someone who always claimed to be incredibly selfless, put others first, then moan about how burnt out and exhausted she was after being a grief thief.
We lived together briefly and I had two people I knew unexpected die within a couple of days of each other. She was in the house as the time of me finding out on both occasions. A few weeks later she would refer to it as 'the week we had from hell', or 'can you remember that terrible week we had, it was so stressful'.
She spent time in bed emotionally recovering while I attended two funerals and tried to get on with it

A definition of an empath:
Being an empath means that you feel other people’s moods and energies. Empaths are highly intuitive people who have an innate ability to help others. Unfortunately, some people take advantage of their kindness and “drain” their energy which is detrimental to an empath’s well-being. While empaths have trouble fitting in, they are not necessarily reclusive people. They prefer the company of people they can trust but they may take a longer time recuperating after social gatherings because of their tendency to "soak up" the energies in the room. Empaths are nurturers, good listeners and healers,

I am all of the above. My mother says she is, but she’s absolutely not, she’s a narc to the bone. She talks about being one a lot. I don’t on the other hand. I tend to use it to my advantage at times. I love helping people and giving advice. I’m that friend everyone asks for advice from, the voice of reason.
I find socialising very difficult, but you wouldnt think that at all if you met me. You would never ever know that i’m dying inside because I hate large gatherings.
Lots of truly awful comments here about empaths.
Of course people feel more than others. It’s not that shocking.

I love helping people and giving advice. I’m that friend everyone asks for advice from, the voice of reason.
I find socialising very difficult, but you wouldnt think that at all if you met me. You would never ever know that i’m dying inside because I hate large gatherings

This could describe me too.

I'm not an empath though. I'm an introvert, that loves spending time with people one to one.