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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

There are no such things as Empaths

551 replies

Seafog · 19/12/2021 20:33

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LavenderAskew · 19/12/2021 21:49

@CallMeNutribullet

Actually I see what you mean - being raised in a way that negated their needs. Yes I'd describe that as a trauma response. Not being an empath.
Yes, that and you'll find that happimess and joy are emotions rarely gets acknowledged. It's usually sadness or anger, something negative that exhausts them.

I say rarely, but I don't think I've come across anyone who says they are an "empath" who does.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/12/2021 21:50

@inheritancetrack

I'm an empath according to a few quizzes I've taken. I've told no one and make no drama about it, but it explains why I'm so exhausted and can't detach from other people's upsets and traumas. I have to distance myself quite frequently because it's a hateful experience. Not to be envied for sure.
I'm going to risk fucking up my internet algorithm for a bit...I'll be back.
Redheadedbookworm · 19/12/2021 21:50

Given that the word ‘empath’ is a spiritual term, there are many who will either subscribe to it or who won’t.

However anything I have ever read suggests it’s not just about people one -upping other peoples emotions/bad experiences

Whitefire · 19/12/2021 21:57

Yes but isn't that self selection bias? I mean the fact you decided to take an 'Am I an empath?' quiz in the first place? Confused

If the quiz had been named 'Am I a drama llama?' or something similar, you probably wouldn't have bothered participating.

Apparently I am not an empath but I am a dumbass Grin

AngelinaFibres · 19/12/2021 21:59

Supposedly empathetic and flaming virtue signalling people who always appear with petrol station flowers/ teddy bears to place outside the burned out house of someone they didn't even know existed yesterday. Hopefully if they look suitably sad they will get themselves on the tv news or the front of a tabloid Look at me I really CARE. Can you see me caring , can you ,can you .Sad

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 19/12/2021 22:04

I done a quiz once about who I will marry when I'm older. Apparently I should have been Patrick swayze's wife.

It's not fair.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/12/2021 22:05

That didn't take long. I answered the questions absolutely truthfully and I've struck through the ones that I disagree with.

You got 50 points or above, meaning that you're an Empath.

The Empath
As an Empath you feel and experience the world a lot more deeply than those around you. Occurring in an estimated 5% of the population, Empaths in a sense personify empathy being able to physically, emotionally and psychologically experience the feelings of other people on a daily basis.

Although the Empath has finely tuned intuition, compassion and listening skills, they often experience a variety of negative side effects from their gift. Not only do they frequently fluctuate in mood, but they also can develop a variety of illnesses from the multitude of emotions they carry around within them each day.

Nevertheless, Empaths are greatly valued and cherished by their friends and family for their willingness to listen, comfort and counsel those in need. In a sense, Empaths plays the role of the "sacrificial lamb", putting the needs of others above their own because they are made the most happy when others are happy.

When Empaths are away from people, however, they prefer to spend their time in nature - perhaps one of the only things that creates peace within them. If you're an Empath, you:

Are often an emotional support to those in need. Everyone tends to open up to, and confide in, you.
Often feel unexplainably moody, or physically ill.
Can easily "read" other people. You see through their lies, masks and pretensions.
Are deeply affected by the emotions of others. These emotions often linger in your mind and body.
Sometimes develop sympathy pain when a person close to you is mentally or physically sick That's bullshit. I feel nauseous when I'm surrounded by people puking up and will be miserable when living with somebody who has depression because caring and holding everything together is bloody draining. But I'm not one of those who wail that their back hurts because their DP has slipped a disk.
Have excellent intuitive abilities. You often just know things, can predict events, and can see into the hidden nature of a person.
Are self sacrificial. You put others needs and happiness above your own That's just being a parent, being a responsible human being, being a pet owner and generally not being a dick at all times.
Are excellent at listening.
Are driven to support the underdog, downcast or emotionally crippled in society only if it means dealing with the arseholes in charge failing in their legal and moral responsibilities. I've had it with sad stories of helplessness designed to elicit money, sympathy and things that no fucker gives to me.
Have a love for nature and animals.
Are easily overwhelmed in crowds of people, and tend to feel anxious, irritable, impatient and other varieties of emotions.
Often feel fatigued, exhausted or 'heavy' inside.
Find it intensely painful to watch or read about cruelty, torture, violence or tragedy.
Are creative, solitary and spiritual.

I don't like crowds or many people. I like animals and am good with them because body language is easy to read, which also makes working out whether somebody is bullshitting me fairly easy, people seem to like talking to/at me, have no fucking interest in watching torture porn, play guitar and can draw pretty well. I also hate the noise and smells of the city compared to the countryside, having Psoriatic Arthritis, am a bad tempered bitch when people are being dicks and idiots and know from bitter experience that when somebody is angry, aggressive, extremely emotional or otherwise in a high state of arousal that it's best to get the fuck out of there before I get walloped and dragged into their self inflicted drama.

But according to the internet, oh yeah, I'm an empath - something that didn't even exist as a hippy dippy designator until Star Trek: The Next Generation came out and it appealed to certain groups to have that 'cool name' to excuse their behaviour.

Clymene · 19/12/2021 22:07

I just did a different quiz @NeverDropYourMooncup
I am also an empath! Who would have guessed when there are so few of us

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 19/12/2021 22:08

Do empaths think the rest of us can sit in a room with someone in a mood and not notice or careHmm like a non empaths mum is really depressed and weepy but the non empath just continues being cheerful like some kind of grinning idiot? Confused

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2021 22:09

Xmas Grin @Whitefire

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2021 22:11

Those quizzes do make me laugh

'Are you and introvert or an extrovert? Take our handy quiz and find out'.

Errr there's a stark bloody difference between the two - no-one should need a quiz to find the answer! 🤦‍♀️

Circe32 · 19/12/2021 22:13

There is a lot of BS around this. I am clairsentient, which can also be confused with empathy. All it means that I am particularly sensitive to other people's moods and situations. For example, I once worked with one person who was negative ALL THE TIME, an energy vampire, if you will. I found myself feeling completely drained working with her, no matter how positively I tried to interact with her. From the lack of 'good morning' to her team, through the bitching about senior management and to the constant sniping about the workplace and her team and other colleagues, it was a completely depressing and demoralising experience. I attempted to mitigate some of it by deliberately being over-cheerful, but it didn't always help. I have never self-proclaimed super-sensitivity or empathy, but this post has moved me to respond. As a postscript, I have long suffered depression and have been on medication for that for some time. I am generally a positive person, unless I come into prolonged contact with someone who is extremely negative. I hope that not everyone who is reading this post is judgemental.
On the plus side, being in the company of someone who is genuinely happy can be an absolute joy!

Postdatedpandemic · 19/12/2021 22:13

Didn't we used to call them emotional vampires and view it as a negative trait?

When my father died someone explained to me how much more upsetting it was for them, because they didn't know him Hmm
If I hadn't been quite so down I may have pulped them.

AngelinaFibres · 19/12/2021 22:14

@SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree

Do empaths think the rest of us can sit in a room with someone in a mood and not notice or careHmm like a non empaths mum is really depressed and weepy but the non empath just continues being cheerful like some kind of grinning idiot? Confused
Sadly they really do think this because they are 'special' and feel things the rest of us are incapable of feeling. If we could all feel the things they can feel then they wouldn't be as special and would have to look for another thing that made them different...... and special
Elodeastar · 19/12/2021 22:15

Being a 'empath' is a thing, even if you choose not to believe it. It's not surprising many empaths don't speak about it if they are to be ridiculed. Why does it bother you so much?

RadishRose · 19/12/2021 22:15

I don’t think empaths exist, however I do have a reaction to what I imagine is someone else’s sadness and pain (obviously I don’t know exactly how they are feeling). I can’t help crying if someone else cries and if I see (or even imagine) someone being injured I get a physical stabbing pain in my body. Can’t watch programmes about A and E or any realistic depictions of violence on screen without this weird pain. Wouldn’t call myself an empath though - have no idea why it happens and it’s not exactly a useful skill to have Grin.

NerrSnerr · 19/12/2021 22:16

When my mental health isn't at its best I struggle with other people's emotions, dwell on them for too long and I imagine it's how self declared empaths feel.

I'm not an empath, It's just a symptom of when I'm feeling anxious. Poor mental health. I imagine for some others it's the same.

cardibach · 19/12/2021 22:17

@coatofmanycolors

I'm an empath. I've told 2 other people in the many, many years since I realised. It's exhausting and not something I would particularly want others to know about me.
How do you know you have more empathy than average? Are you assuming? How is it measured?
NerrSnerr · 19/12/2021 22:17

@Elodeastar

Being a 'empath' is a thing, even if you choose not to believe it. It's not surprising many empaths don't speak about it if they are to be ridiculed. Why does it bother you so much?
Even if it did exist it certainly isn't something to aspire to. Empaths don't help any situation, they just make it about them.
Joelijane · 19/12/2021 22:18

I thought 'empath' was a way of describing when your to porous to other people's emotions/stress that then has a negative impact on you. I generally find it odd when people describe themselves like an advert, particularly as in; 'I'm really laid back' WTF! usually anything but!

Changechangychange · 19/12/2021 22:19

@SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree

Do empaths think the rest of us can sit in a room with someone in a mood and not notice or careHmm like a non empaths mum is really depressed and weepy but the non empath just continues being cheerful like some kind of grinning idiot? Confused
I think there are two types - the self-absorbed narcissists who are really impressed with themselves when they notice they somebody else is a real person with real emotions too, and they want a fucking medal for it.

And the victims of abuse, who grew up in a household where nobody ever expressed much empathy for them, so they don’t realise that it is completely fucking normal to be affected by the moods of those around you.

Neither group have special magical powers, but my sympathy with the second group is significantly higher than with the first.

Lacedwithgrace · 19/12/2021 22:20

Honestly if people hate being their own label of 'empath' they probably need therapy. If other people just existing affects their emotional wellbeing so much they're unstable, not empaths.

Elodeastar · 19/12/2021 22:21

@Elodeastar

Being a 'empath' is a thing, even if you choose not to believe it. It's not surprising many empaths don't speak about it if they are to be ridiculed. Why does it bother you so much?
PS Firstly I mean to say 'an' empath, not 'a' empath - oopsie! Secondly, just to add - Nobody is better than anyone else, or more (or less caring). Empaths sometimes have to 'shut themselves off' in emotional situations because it can become overwhelming picking up on another person's emotions. It can be draining, though it's up to the empath to figure out how to manage that, not the people around them. Empathy is a different thing, and of course we can all have that, as well as sympathy! Take care all.
Ozanj · 19/12/2021 22:21

Elevated Empathy tends to come with really troubled abusive / toxic parenting. Kids, especially girls, tend to get ‘trained’ to think of others before themselves. It’s definitely a real thing and also why many people who call themselves empaths tend to be really troubled.

gannett · 19/12/2021 22:25

The self-described empaths I've known have been the kinds of people who feel other people's emotions so much that they end up making literally anything that anyone around them is going through all about them and their own feelings.