Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There are no such things as Empaths

551 replies

Seafog · 19/12/2021 20:33

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Seafog · 19/12/2021 21:04

MONSTER, I totally get what you are saying, and that makes lot f sense. I'm in a similar boat, I can read a room in a second. It makes me hyper aware, a trait of my bpd, and reactive. Not an emapth though!

OP posts:
inheritancetrack · 19/12/2021 21:06

I'm an empath according to a few quizzes I've taken. I've told no one and make no drama about it, but it explains why I'm so exhausted and can't detach from other people's upsets and traumas. I have to distance myself quite frequently because it's a hateful experience. Not to be envied for sure.

Seemslikeagoodidea · 19/12/2021 21:11

@DroopyClematis

Sorry, but isn't an empath a character ( Deana Troy) from Star Trek? Ie someone who reads minds?
Yep. Great series. I'm not sure that true empaths really exist, although I know that telepathy is real, as it's something I have occasionally experienced. Not that I would ever call myself a telepath - I think most people experience it now and then, it's just a matter of being aligned with someone else's brain wave frequency (like radio waves, just less reliable).
MissTrip82 · 19/12/2021 21:14

Of course people have varying levels of empathy.

Then only people I’ve met who see themselves as empaths though are people who are rather more sensitive to their own feelings than anybody else’s

JaceLancs: everybody who works or lives with distressed or struggling people needs to distance themselves at times for their own protection. The experience you’re having is not unusual.

Persephoned · 19/12/2021 21:15

I agree with @MONSTERSALAD I would never describe myself as an empath but do become over invested in others pain and emotions - happy or sad (so that definitely isn’t a selfless thing or something I would boast about as I worry it’s making it about me) and spend a lot of my life worrying about how others are feeling and experiencing things. Quite often there just seems to be a blank where my own feelings might be - I think that may be due to trauma. I don’t know. So yanbu it’s a bit odd to be going round declaring you’re an empath, but yabu that some people (in my experience) do feel as if they feel other people’s feelings more deeply than their own. Sorry for keep saying ‘feel/feelings’! Can’t think what else to use

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2021 21:17

@inheritancetrack

I'm an empath according to a few quizzes I've taken. I've told no one and make no drama about it, but it explains why I'm so exhausted and can't detach from other people's upsets and traumas. I have to distance myself quite frequently because it's a hateful experience. Not to be envied for sure.
Yes but isn't that self selection bias? I mean the fact you decided to take an 'Am I an empath?' quiz in the first place? Confused

If the quiz had been named 'Am I a drama llama?' or something similar, you probably wouldn't have bothered participating.

LavenderAskew · 19/12/2021 21:20

Yes, generally think "empaths" are all.about how they feel about a situation - which they believe is the feeling of the other person.

An empath could go to a child's funeral and make the main enotion their grief.

Chewbunn · 19/12/2021 21:20

I have a friend who is empathetic to a fault and it negatively affects her life, she hates it and although she doesn't describe herself as anything, I associate that level as being an empath and is far from being a positive thing.

Yummypumpkin · 19/12/2021 21:21

An empath is someone who finds it easier to identify with an other's needs and wants than their own.

As a result they tend to (for example) cover up an abusers violence, genuinely believing that this is in their own best interests; tolerate inappropriate sexual behaviour from others, believing that it is their fault; overcommit to taking on responsibilities for other's living expenses, children or tasks, believing that it falls to them; be unable to identify when others are not acting in their best interest and unable to distinguish differences between their own needs and the needs of others that they have relationships with.

It is normally the result of childbearing which negated their needs.

Hope that cleared it up, OP.

Yummypumpkin · 19/12/2021 21:22

Childrearing, apologies for autocorrect.

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2021 21:29

@LavenderAskew

Yes, generally think "empaths" are all.about how they feel about a situation - which they believe is the feeling of the other person.

An empath could go to a child's funeral and make the main enotion their grief.

Yes! They could go to the funeral of a complete stranger and come away claiming they're more upset/emotional than those who actually knew and loved the deceased.
Redheadedbookworm · 19/12/2021 21:31

Being an empath is quite a bit more then just feeling empathy for others - from your post, it sounds like you don’t really know too much about it.

Being empathic can actually be very exhausting and make social interactions quite difficult to navigate for those who are aligned this way as they absorb the emotions of other people far more easily then others…so if someone else is anxious, depressed, angry then you can bet an empathic person will also begin to feel this way too. Even if they were in the best of moods and having a good day before that.

Being empathic usually comes after long periods of childhood abuse, and those who are labelled this way often struggle to set boundaries as they can’t bear to disappoint, inconvenience or upset other people.
This means they often experiment cycles of abuse in their lives.

That’s a very basic explanation but I’d really encourage you to read up on it as perhaps you may gain a wider understanding and in turn become a little more empathetic to those who would be labelled as empathic.

PriamFarrl · 19/12/2021 21:33

@DroopyClematis

Sorry, but isn't an empath a character ( Deana Troy) from Star Trek? Ie someone who reads minds?
Exactly. But some people have decided that they are so much more special than ordinary people so they must actually be telepathic.
AngelinaFibres · 19/12/2021 21:33

@CoedenNadolig

Empath = over involved, over invested, busy body drama queen/king in my experience.

Twat works also.

This. Empath=bullshit
PeaceandJoy · 19/12/2021 21:35

I hate this!

I am an emotional person and my colleagues would say I'm an emotional based worker - I end up exhausted in my job and have had to take steps to protect myself as I just want to take my entire caseload home.

I am not an empath just because someone else's life history can bring me to tears.

It's the whole empath and narcissist bullshit at the moment. Although I do think that people who have similar traumas are attracted to each other and one goes into fight in their response and one goes into freeze or flight - which leads to empath or narcissist when they're both childhood traumas coming out. But thats my personal opinion and not based in any literature.

SprayedWithDettol · 19/12/2021 21:37

Quizzes ? That’s made my day.

CallMeNutribullet · 19/12/2021 21:38

@Yummy, that's not being an empath. What you're describing is someone who has zero boundaries, possibly due to adverse childhood experiences.
We've almost all reared children here.

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2021 21:39

Being empathic can actually be very exhausting and make social interactions quite difficult to navigate for those who are aligned this way as they absorb the emotions of other people far more easily then others…so if someone else is anxious, depressed, angry then you can bet an empathic person will also begin to feel this way too. Even if they were in the best of moods and having a good day before that.

No-one can possibly feel the same way as a depressed person unless they actually suffer from depression 🙄

It's insulting when 'empaths' claim otherwise.

MindyStClaire · 19/12/2021 21:39

Handy rule to live by: Anyone who says "The thing about me is that I'm so " in That Tone is absolutely the opposite and you should strongly consider running fast in the other direction.

CallMeNutribullet · 19/12/2021 21:40

Actually I see what you mean - being raised in a way that negated their needs. Yes I'd describe that as a trauma response. Not being an empath.

Clymene · 19/12/2021 21:42

Honestly there's nothing more tedious than a) people that self diagnose from doing internet quizzes and b) claim that their personality makes their lives SO MUCH more exhausting than anyone else's.

Changechangychange · 19/12/2021 21:42

they absorb the emotions of other people far more easily then others

Says who? The empath? How would they possibly know?

MindyStClaire · 19/12/2021 21:44

@Changechangychange

they absorb the emotions of other people far more easily then others

Says who? The empath? How would they possibly know?

Yes! This!
Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 19/12/2021 21:44

.

There are no such things as Empaths
donquixotedelamancha · 19/12/2021 21:47

Being empathic usually comes after long periods of childhood abuse, and those who are labelled this way often struggle to set boundaries as they can’t bear to disappoint, inconvenience or upset other people.
This means they often experiment cycles of abuse in their lives. That’s a very basic explanation but I’d really encourage you to read up on it

Saying something in an officious manner doesn't make it true. It's not an accepted model in psychology, it's not an accepted term for a diagnosable condition.

Actual (peer reviewed, evidence based) literature on Empathy has it as complex and made of multiple components.

In so far as the vague definition of empath describes a cluster of characteristics they are much better explained by established models like attachment theory

It is no more kind to tell people they are really empaths than telling an anorexic they are right about being fat.