There are no such things as Empaths

[Seafog]

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

I'm not like other people and I don't tend to deal well with people who I feel have been unkind, hypocritical or nasty

Do you honestly think it's a breeze for everyone else? I just find this statement baffling.

@Apiddleawiddle, you would be a dream for a cold reading "psychic". The number of universal human experiences that you think affect only the rare few people like you is astounding.

All Empathy is in actuality, is a heightened sensitivity to the moods of people around you.

Most 'empath's just have (usually through experience of abuse/trauma/survival instinct) a much more sensitive awareness of mood through body language, tone of voice, expression...etc, that allows them to more acurately guage the current emotional state of the people in their company.

A proper 'empath' can then use that ability to counsel/talk/assist a person they pick up is experiencing negative mood, through whatever they're experiencing.

Anyone who shouts they're an empath, and then goes all 'its all about me/woe is me/poor me/i'm exhausted' needs to fuck off.. they're not 'empaths' they're narcissistic drama llamas who need a smack.

Genuine 'empaths' (and i do wish there were a better word) will just quietly help people through a difficult time, then go sort out their own emotions about the situation in a constructive fashion.

@DrSbaitso

The definition appears to shift. It's about having deeper feelings than other people. No, it's about reading and predicting people, but not on forums, it doesn't work that way. No, it's about reflecting what other people do.

Being an empath covers a multitude of things. I reflect the behaviours of others, I am triggered by negative behaviours in particular. In person I feel peoples emotions just by being in the room with them, no words needed, just feel it, which is something I can't do on a forum and would need other cues like behaviours and language. Empaths have great intuition (I have been wrong about 2 people in my entire life who were in cahoots where one aided the other in the abuse against me). So it seems that some don't actually know what the full extent of an empath can include and think its all about being empathetic to others.

@Apiddleawiddle thats what i am pointing out it wasnt a mistake or misunderstanding you actually as a self proclaimed empath cared more about putting your point across than offering genuine kidness to someone. So no its not a genuine mistake as you still have not addressed the fact tgat yoyr first instinct as an empath or human even wasnt to be kind it was to centre yourself. And you are right it is draining that ypu just dont see it at all.

Sorry about typos

In person I feel peoples emotions just by being in the room with them, no words needed, just feel it

Like most NT humans then.

@Apiddleawiddle The reason why I think people are exasperated is because of your insistence that your experience is somehow different and "other" to that of most.

Almost all of us can read a room, with varying degrees of success, which can be influenced by all kinds of things, including one's own mood. Almost all of us have a degree of hypervigilance in certain situations, mine is to do with responding to my mothers fluctuating whims in my childhood and also being around very seriously mentally unwell people who are off their meds.

This does not make me special or remarkable or different. It makes me a human being who has learned life lessons, probably mostly subconsciously, as most members of homo sapiens sapiens do.

I'm not like other people

And there it is.

I have been wrong about 2 people in my entire life

Firstly I'm sorry you've been through the trauma of abuse. It's a horrific thing to endure and I hope you're getting all the support you need to process it.

As regards your comment I've put in bold above - you can only state this as fact if you tag on "that I know of." to the end.

There are probably lots of people you thought were great who have done bad things you wouldn't have thought they had done and equally other people you got a bad feeling about who actually are really nice. Because people are complicated, you cannot know everyone you meet with enough confidence to make statements like the one you made above.

It's as if you desperately want to have the label of empath it's validating for you, without trying to understand why people are reacting strongly to what you're saying. Without wanting to understand why your posts have been a bit frustrating to people and not presented you in a way that makes you seem able to self reflect or appreciate that plenty of other people feel things to the same extent as you.

@Omicrone

It's just a word people make up to try and feel superior to others.

On one of the threads about Arthur Labinjo Hughes, someone came on and said 'as an empath I have found this story very upsetting'.

As if us mere mortals would feel nothing when hearing about it!

Well according to the quiz linked upthread, only special empaths wonder if there’s something wrong when they see somebody else crying. The rest of us assume water is just randomly falling out of their eyes for no reason

If there's a room full of empaths and no-one speaks or verbally/physically communicates... do they all just know?...

@MichelleScarn

If there's a room full of empaths and no-one speaks or verbally/physically communicates... do they all just know?...

Nah. They're so rare and special that any given empath knows they're the only one.

@MichelleScarn

If there's a room full of empaths and no-one speaks or verbally/physically communicates... do they all just know?...

They all think that the other empaths aren’t actually empaths because they are just annoying nosy buggers who only think about themselves and real empaths don’t do that.

I'm not like other people

I have news for you. None of us are like other people. None. We are all uniquely different to each other. All. Of. Us.

@StationaryMagpie

All Empathy is in actuality, is a heightened sensitivity to the moods of people around you.

Most 'empath's just have (usually through experience of abuse/trauma/survival instinct) a much more sensitive awareness of mood through body language, tone of voice, expression...etc, that allows them to more acurately guage the current emotional state of the people in their company.

A proper 'empath' can then use that ability to counsel/talk/assist a person they pick up is experiencing negative mood, through whatever they're experiencing.

Anyone who shouts they're an empath, and then goes all 'its all about me/woe is me/poor me/i'm exhausted' needs to fuck off.. they're not 'empaths' they're narcissistic drama llamas who need a smack.

Genuine 'empaths' (and i do wish there were a better word) will just quietly help people through a difficult time, then go sort out their own emotions about the situation in a constructive fashion.

Personally, I prefer using a combination of experience, observation and mental health first aid training when identifying and speaking to somebody experiencing potential mental health issues.

It's a damn sight more useful to be able to remain calm, quiet and efficient when providing first aid to self harm injuries than it is to get all emotional about 'feeling their pain'. It's pretty fucking obvious when you're dealing with multiple cuts. You don't exactly feel great afterwards, either, to know that somebody feels so unhappy, frustrated or full of self hatred that they deliberately hurt themselves and you can't make it better for them, all you can do is deal with the physical, try to open a dialogue and try to take steps with them and other trained staff that reduce risk of serious injury.

There's no magic in a report to the DSL saying 'This doesn't feel right' or looking at a colleague who clearly isn't sleeping, has lost weight and is busy putting on a fake smile in public whilst their hands are ever so slightly shaking, their posture has almost imperceptibly changed or their smile doesn't go past the nose anymore.

In any case, I'm pretty sure that 99% of it is noticing body language. It's also an explanation for being good with animals - if you can tell when a random cat, horse or other animal is feeling threatened, anxious, excited, etc and be able to interact with them without getting shredded, trampled or otherwise going into full fight or flight, it's not that hard to listen to what people are telling you unintentionally.

And I ask again. How do you quantify how much you are empathising more than anyone else? How?

It's not like we're all walking around with an Empathy Gauge on our foreheads is it? So, how on Earth can you tell?

I expect there are millions of people out there who actually feel emotions more deeply & are more hypervigilant than all of the 'empaths' on this thread. But because they're not self absorbed, self aggrandisising , pompous bores they never think of themselves in that way, and we'll never know them thank God

@peaceanddove

I'm not like other people

I have news for you. None of us are like other people. None. We are all uniquely different to each other. All. Of. Us.

We are all unique but some are more unique than others.

@MichelleScarn

If there's a room full of empaths and no-one speaks or verbally/physically communicates... do they all just know?...

That could be a fun TV show. Get a bunch of self professed empaths in a house and tell them there's a fake one among them. If they manage to eliminate the fake , the get a cash prize between them.

"Noooo! You can't kick me out! I'm not like you! I'm not like other people! I'm the chosen one! I'm special!"

"I always had a feeling that guy was iffy"

What a weird thread!

@NeverDropYourMooncup yep, i know. I'm a YMHFA, and that's my go-to when i'm helping someone, which i do professionally as a volunteer on the welfare team of a thing i do, but my awareness of the body language/voice tone...etc makes it easier for me to spot when someone needs someone to talk to/be there with them.

I dunno, i have friends who say i'm just a warm/calm/safe presence, and most of my friends come to me when they need someone to talk to/offload on, a few have said they may not even intend to talk about it, but somehow they find themselves doing it, and then walking away feeling much better, because there is just something about me that makes them feel safe enough to talk about stuff.

I do find i have to be careful with my boundaries if i'm having a shit time with my own MH and don't have the headspace to help them that day.. but those days i just tend to listen and let them offload, rather than offer direct help (unless specifically requested).

I've never said the words 'i'm an empath' because its sounds wanky (which it is), but i do seem to be the emotional counsellor of my friend group.

@Apiddleawiddle

Reading a room is not being an empath, it’s being a NT human being. You seem to struggle with the concept that other human beings are fully rounded individuals with complex inner lives, rather than supporting actors on your main stage.

‘Taking on’ people’s emotions (which you’re not, you’re copying their behaviour) isn’t being an ‘empath’, but it is indicative of having a poorly defined sense of self.

@Flowers500

Once again *@Elodeastar* uses things that 85% of the adult female population feel to a similar degree tonale her out as special. The only slightly unusual (but still common) things you describe are a lack of emotional resilience and being someone who needs time to recharge. None of that even suggests empathy. It’s frankly insulting to tell others that you feel what they feel, you don’t and you have no idea. You notice cues like everyone else—maybe you’re a bit more perceptive than average? But you’re lying to yourself if you think you can know some deeper truth.

You claim you don’t think you’re special but then spend hours arguing that you have secret special skills, and others just can’t understand 🤔

Except that I haven't claimed I am special or have special skills.

My ex partner refers to himself as an empath. He also fully believes that he can control electricity in a room / on the street or wherever without realising. He's got delusions of grandeur. He's probably one of the least empathetic people I know.

I expect there are millions of people out there who actually feel emotions more deeply & are more hypervigilant than all of the 'empaths' on this thread. But because they're not self absorbed, self aggrandisising , pompous bores they never think of themselves in that way, and we'll never know them thank God

Harsh but true.