There are no such things as Empaths

[Seafog]

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

In response to the person who said 'empaths make it all about them', this is really not true at all! Some empaths struggle with the fact that they are so sensitive to others emotions, and might not know how to cope with that, so end up having to withdraw completely or speak up when it's not appropriate. Part of picking up others emotions is being sensitive to the fact that they are not your emotions, and dealing with them in a respectful and sensitive way, that isn't always easy though. Trust me, I'd rather not pick up on others emotions as much as I do, but I do, and I have learned to cope with it in a variety of ways. We are all different.

@coatofmanycolors

I'm an empath. I've told 2 other people in the many, many years since I realised. It's exhausting and not something I would particularly want others to know about me.

Yes, I can relate, and some of the replies on here highlight our wariness to share these things. Take care.

@Postdatedpandemic

Didn't we used to call them emotional vampires and view it as a negative trait?

When my father died someone explained to me how much more upsetting it was for them, because they didn't know him
If I hadn't been quite so down I may have pulped them.

My brother , who I rarely see, has a wife who I see even less. She has a sister who I have probably seen 4 times since my brother and his wife got together. When my father died after a long and horrible illness the sister put all over her Facebook that a member of her family had died and today was his funeral.Gaining herself lots of attention and soppy messages from people who wouldn't have recognised my father if he had fallen down in front of them.When we walked in to the crematorium she was in the front row and sobbed all the way through the service. She explained afterwards that she was cursed with the ability to feel everyone's grief far more than they could feel it themselves. Oh do sod off.

@FourTeaFallOut

That's just being hyperaware of behavioural cues - you aren't accessing some inner truth of a person.

Yes, but it doesn't mean that being an 'empath' isn't a thing.

You can be sensitive to people's emotions, you can want to empathize with people. But if you haven't lived that experience you can only be sympathetic which is different and it's not bad if it's not through pity. You don't have to live the exactly same experience but a linked experience. You can't emphasize with parts of life you don't know exsit.

@Circe32

There is a lot of BS around this. I am clairsentient, which can also be confused with empathy. All it means that I am particularly sensitive to other people's moods and situations. For example, I once worked with one person who was negative ALL THE TIME, an energy vampire, if you will. I found myself feeling completely drained working with her, no matter how positively I tried to interact with her. From the lack of 'good morning' to her team, through the bitching about senior management and to the constant sniping about the workplace and her team and other colleagues, it was a completely depressing and demoralising experience. I attempted to mitigate some of it by deliberately being over-cheerful, but it didn't always help. I have never self-proclaimed super-sensitivity or empathy, but this post has moved me to respond. As a postscript, I have long suffered depression and have been on medication for that for some time. I am generally a positive person, unless I come into prolonged contact with someone who is extremely negative. I hope that not everyone who is reading this post is judgemental. On the plus side, being in the company of someone who is genuinely happy can be an absolute joy!

For example, I once worked with one person who was negative ALL THE TIME, an energy vampire, if you will. I found myself feeling completely drained working with her, no matter how positively I tried to interact with her. From the lack of 'good morning' to her team, through the bitching about senior management and to the constant sniping about the workplace and her team and other colleagues, it was a completely depressing and demoralising experience. I attempted to mitigate some of it by deliberately being over-cheerful, but it didn't always help.

But that's just a normal, human reaction to someone constantly moaning and bitching.

It drains us all!

I’m wary of those who claim they just ‘know’ what another person’s thinking or feeling. We can’t experience another person’s emotions/inner worlds; all we can do is relate. It becomes too easy to rewrite another person’s inner world with a projection of your own emotions.

I’d never heard this till today when someone used it to describe themselves.

Is it.. an actual thing? Presumably not??

They do tend to be the people most oblivious to how others feel about them don't they

You can guarantee that if anyone describes themselves as being something they are usually the exact opposite.
I know someone who tells me they always think of others and help others. They are the most self absorbed person I know.

Would you be so keen to claim the idea of being an empath if it was labelled emotional incontinence instead. Doubt it.

@3scape

They do tend to be the people most oblivious to how others feel about them don't they

How much do any of us really know how much someone feels about them though? Picking up changing emotions isn't the same as understanding how someone feels about you over a longer time period.

The results of the quiz posted up thread sound like astrology. It’s all so vague it could apply to anyone.

@Clymene

I just did a different quiz *@NeverDropYourMooncup* I am also an empath! Who would have guessed when there are so few of us

Amazing, isn't it? And there was me thinking I was a grumpy old besom that generally dislikes humans who, for better or worse, grew up thinking that the Marvel adage 'with great power comes great responsibility' was a good thing to try and do even when it seemed like every other fucker didn't give a shiny shit about doing the right thing and nobody ever saved the day for me.

The phrase 'sacrificial lamb' reminds me of another couple of phrases, though - Messiah Complex and Self-proclaimed Martyr, mostly. Co-opting religious concepts to describe why it's more important to take care of them because their feelings are all hurt when somebody else is ill and tired out with having to deal with that, all the normal responsibilities of an adult, shitty working environments, et al and isn't in the best of moods about it is manipulative and cynically focusing the attention upon them, whether it be by wailing and keening or by running off to sulk in another room.

@CoedenNadolig Love it! 😂 love your name too

It annoys the tits off me when someone says they're an empath, as if it's something magical or mystical.

@2girls

You can guarantee that if anyone describes themselves as being something they are usually the exact opposite. I know someone who tells me they always think of others and help others. They are the most self absorbed person I know.

Many empaths might actually come across as a bit cold at times, it's partly because they pick up so much on others emotions and have to be a bit guarded as a result (unless you want to ride an emotional roller coaster not of your choosing!). I don't think that being an empath means you always help others, or even want to, it just means you pick up on their emotions - sometimes helping is the last thing you want to do (I am generally more willing to want to help if it is someone I am more close to). If you don't pick up on others emotions quite so much it's probably easier to help, that doesn't mean you don't have empathy or don't care, just that the other person's emotions don't stick (and drain) quite so much! It's nice to be nice but it's not always easy. :)

@MONSTERSALAD I am also in the same boat. My dad is/ was a schizophrenic and you had to read him quickly to judge his general mood.
I find I say ' are you ok?' To the point it pisses people off.

I think it's the self proclaiming bit I dislike as others have said. I just would hope most people are empathetic.

[quote DuchessAnnogovia]@CoedenNadolig Love it! 😂 love your name too

It annoys the tits off me when someone says they're an empath, as if it's something magical or mystical. [/quote]
Does it annoy you if I say it simply as a character trait? - I am not magical or mystical any more than the next person (if I was I would not be on here on a Sunday night ha ha). There are so many names for things nowadays and if we focus on all the ones we don't like we have no time for the things we do like.

Yes, that and you'll find that happimess and joy are emotions rarely gets acknowledged. It's usually sadness or anger, something negative that exhausts them.

I think there is something to that, since trauma response dysregulation can cause people to read negative emotions even where none are there - how we perceive other's emotions has so many factors so even if we feel something off in the mood of a room, our own perspective means everyone will see which emotions and why different. If the empath and how draining it is is rooted in trauma response and assuming one is always right in what emotions they're reading, then positive emotions would be far less likely to come up.

Pretty much all day I've strongly felt like my spouse is off/annoyed. He's actually just tired from having worked extra shifts and knowing he's going to keep doing that for the weeks more because of shite at work, but I've read annoyance in just that he texted me 'ok' after a long answer I'd given him to how he's sitting in a room. We've gone round and round on it, probably tiring for us both, he says he's worried that I'm so on edge while I've been thinking he is until I realized I'm dysregulated - this time of year is always a trigger for me, plus something I'm procrastinating - it's all done other than sending it because I'm intensely feeling what I think the response will be even though actually, it's just my currently negative hypervigilent state mind trying to play a guessing game to protect me. I have to take time to reregulate.

It is draining, but that doesn't mean the emotions I'm feeling are a true representation of what others are feeling, or even that I know my own that well. Like other sensory information, emotions can be tricked or just not identified correctly particularly if we're in a rough state.

@AngelinaFibres

Would you be so keen to claim the idea of being an empath if it was labelled emotional incontinence instead. Doubt it.

It's not emotional incontinence though, that's why we don't call it that.

When someone says "I'm an empath" it just means they like crystals, Reiki and herbal tea.

It's not emotional incontinence though, that's why we don't call it that.

Fecal incontinence then?

@Animood

When someone says "I'm an empath" it just means they like crystals, Reiki and herbal tea.

I do like shiny and sparkly things, but don't own any crystals. No interest in Reiki. Tea, including herbal, gives me the boak. Being an empath is about picking up emotional signals, good and bad, not some sort of new age therapy. HTH

@WorraLiberty

It's not emotional incontinence though, that's why we don't call it that.

Fecal incontinence then?

I take it you think you are being clever.

How do these 'empaths' know they're 'empaths'? How do they KNOW they feel any different from anyone else? Do people say 'Wow, you're so empathetic' as said empath wails into their cornflakes with the sheer weight of their emotions?