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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There are no such things as Empaths

551 replies

Seafog · 19/12/2021 20:33

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

OP posts:
JogooRoad · 21/12/2021 15:03

Everyone I have ever met who has self declared themself to be an 'empath' has typically been one of the least self aware people I have ever met. To not pick up on the amount of cringe others feel when someone refers themself as an 'empath' is sort of self defeating.

Flowers500 · 21/12/2021 15:04

Look @Apiddleawiddle there are clearly a lot of things going on in your life but being excessively good at reading people, or being overflowing with empathy is not one of them. Keep working on yourself, and getting some insight might help. This thread has hopefully shown you that your idea of how you are isn’t the same as how the rest of the word sees you.

PriamFarrl · 21/12/2021 15:11

Here are the uses of the word empath.

books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=Empath&year_start=1800&year_end=2019&corpus=26&smoothing=3&direct_url=t1%3B%2CEmpath%3B%2Cc0

If you click the link at the bottom you can see the books it’s mentioned in.

Seems it was a word before ST:TNG but that still doesn’t make it real.

Apiddleawiddle · 21/12/2021 15:18

@ReeseWitherfork

Empath actually predates star trek.

I've just googled and it appears to come from a sci fi novel from the 50s. Is that really the hill you want to die on? Doesn't the point still stand?

And ptsd wasn't something that would have been associated with people who hadn't been to war and is a more recent development. Ptsd didn't exist in people like me when I first started showing signs of it. Empath is just a word to describe something, doesn't matter where it came from. Like I said, even before knowing the word empath, I have always said that I reflected those around me. The word Empath just gave it a name. Call it something else then, what would you prefer? Because before Empath I didn't have a name for it and people didn't seem to realise what I meant when I told them I absorbed the emotions of others.
Apiddleawiddle · 21/12/2021 15:20

@Flowers500

Look *@Apiddleawiddle* there are clearly a lot of things going on in your life but being excessively good at reading people, or being overflowing with empathy is not one of them. Keep working on yourself, and getting some insight might help. This thread has hopefully shown you that your idea of how you are isn’t the same as how the rest of the word sees you.
Being an empath isn't always overflowing with empathy. There is much more to it all and the picking up on people's emotions is just one thing.
PleasantBirthday · 21/12/2021 16:07

I didn't have a name for it and people didn't seem to realise what I meant when I told them I absorbed the emotions of others.

You don't absorb the emotions of others. You project your interpretation of other people's emotions on to them.

Apiddleawiddle · 21/12/2021 16:10

@PleasantBirthday

I didn't have a name for it and people didn't seem to realise what I meant when I told them I absorbed the emotions of others.

You don't absorb the emotions of others. You project your interpretation of other people's emotions on to them.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.
PleasantBirthday · 21/12/2021 16:12

Whatever helps you sleep at night

You've absorbed the wrong emotions from me here - your belief in your ability to intuit other people's feelings has never caused me to miss a single moment of rest.

Ohmygodyesthatsit · 21/12/2021 16:15

@RobertSmithsLipstick i am so truly sorry Flowers
@Apiddleawiddle you seem to think that mixing up pps is what everyobe is berating you for, its not. Its the fact that your first instinct wasnt to offer condolences to someone who had lost a child. Everyone empath or otherwise who interacts with someone in that awful situation just naturally without thinking will say how truly sorry they are. The fact you didnt does not look good.

Omicrone · 21/12/2021 16:20

It's just a word people make up to try and feel superior to others.

On one of the threads about Arthur Labinjo Hughes, someone came on and said 'as an empath I have found this story very upsetting'.

As if us mere mortals would feel nothing when hearing about it!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 21/12/2021 16:26

[quote Ohmygodyesthatsit]@RobertSmithsLipstick i am so truly sorry Flowers
@Apiddleawiddle you seem to think that mixing up pps is what everyobe is berating you for, its not. Its the fact that your first instinct wasnt to offer condolences to someone who had lost a child. Everyone empath or otherwise who interacts with someone in that awful situation just naturally without thinking will say how truly sorry they are. The fact you didnt does not look good.[/quote]
Absolutely this.

They don't seem to understand it though.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 21/12/2021 16:29

All these posts and yet the empaths still haven't realised that they do not have the monopoly upon emotions and should probably stop claiming they do before they're really, really upset about what others feel.

FudgeSundae · 21/12/2021 16:39

Okay having RTFT I now absolutely understand what an “empath” is. There is a certain kind of person who is super nosey about others’ emotions and wants to hear lots of personal stories. They have often done some kind of weekend course in “counselling” to help them be Official prodnoses. They totally creep me out. The more they ask me about my childhood trauma or whatever the more I get very suspicious and British and distant. Maybe I’m an Anti Empath? Grin

BeyondOurReef · 21/12/2021 16:44

@NeverDropYourMoonCup

All these posts and yet the empaths still haven't realised that they do not have the monopoly upon emotions and should probably stop claiming they do before they're really, really upset about what others feel.
🤣🤣

They’re obviously fine with the frustration and annoyance from pretty much everyone on here.

Allmadeoflego · 21/12/2021 16:55

@Omicrone

It's just a word people make up to try and feel superior to others.

On one of the threads about Arthur Labinjo Hughes, someone came on and said 'as an empath I have found this story very upsetting'.

As if us mere mortals would feel nothing when hearing about it!

And funnily enough - while many of us didn’t watch the videos or recordings, I get the feeling they were the ones watching them on a loop as “they’re so empathic”.
Tryagainplease · 21/12/2021 17:03

I think there is such a thing as an empath, but it’s probably quite rare.

IMO, turning other people’s emotions in to something about you is the opposite of empathetic.

CPL593H · 21/12/2021 17:04

*On one of the threads about Arthur Labinjo Hughes, someone came on and said 'as an empath I have found this story very upsetting'.

As if us mere mortals would feel nothing when hearing about*

Exactly.

Personal story. When my grandfather was dying, a nurse found him in tears. He was very poorly and they asked if he was worried, frightened, etc. He said "No, I know I'm going to die, I'm an old man, it doesn't matter. It's that boy across the way [old fashioned ward with facing beds] He's only 14 and he's got to have his leg off, isn't it terrible?"

This was told to my mother by the nurse a few days later, after he died. Nothing to do with being an empath (he couldn't have spelled it, let alone know what one was meant to be) and "taking on the emotions" of others, just a kind heart and some fellow feeling.

DrSbaitso · 21/12/2021 17:09

The definition appears to shift. It's about having deeper feelings than other people. No, it's about reading and predicting people, but not on forums, it doesn't work that way. No, it's about reflecting what other people do.

Teaandcakeordeath83 · 21/12/2021 17:33

Everyone loves a label now. 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

clpsmum · 21/12/2021 17:35

I'd say don't judge what you don't u sweat and especially when it doesn't affect you in any way. There are much bigger problems to worry about than what people describe themselves as

clpsmum · 21/12/2021 17:35

Understand not sweat lol

iwanttobeonleave · 21/12/2021 17:50

Is this an American thing? I've never heard this term 'Empath' before, where's it come from?

Apiddleawiddle · 21/12/2021 17:59

[quote Ohmygodyesthatsit]@RobertSmithsLipstick i am so truly sorry Flowers
@Apiddleawiddle you seem to think that mixing up pps is what everyobe is berating you for, its not. Its the fact that your first instinct wasnt to offer condolences to someone who had lost a child. Everyone empath or otherwise who interacts with someone in that awful situation just naturally without thinking will say how truly sorry they are. The fact you didnt does not look good.[/quote]
My god. This is so draining. Going on and on and on 🙄 A genuine apology isn't enough anymore. I'm not like other people and I don't tend to deal well with people who I feel have been unkind, hypocritical or nasty, in this case it was a misunderstanding, a mistake on my part. I won't address it further, either accept the genuine apology I made ages back or don't, not my problem anymore. Totally overplayed that card.

Clymene · 21/12/2021 18:03

@iwanttobeonleave

Is this an American thing? I've never heard this term 'Empath' before, where's it come from?
Star Trek Grin
FluffyBooBoo · 21/12/2021 18:06

@clpsmum

I'd say don't judge what you don't u sweat and especially when it doesn't affect you in any way. There are much bigger problems to worry about than what people describe themselves as
Oh it has affected me.

And from this thread, I suspect others have been affected by 'empaths' too - and not in a positive way.

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