There are no such things as Empaths

[Seafog]

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

OK, now quote the post that followed where I said I'm sorry they were suffering and hoped that having somewhere to share their trauma helped them. Even after I thought this particular poster was the one to say that sharing trauma was an unhealthy coping mechanism.

You don't get it.

Anyone's (let alone someone actually empathetic to others) usual initial reaction to someone sharing that they're a bereaved parent would be to address that first as it's so very, very awful a thing to go through. Not have a go at them / launch a defence in which you reference their trauma and only say you're sorry for their loss in a separate follow up comment! It's the least empathy I've seen on this thread!

@Apiddleawiddle it’s clear you need to focus a lot more on helping yourself and working on your own mental health, rather than trying to share your learnings with others. Good luck

I feel too much empathy. It can be a bit debilitating. I'm not an empath though. That's just a bit silly

This strikes me as a way of saying they have poor emotional regulation skills.

That’s what deciding your ‘feel’ someone else’s emotional state and that you are overwhelmed by it and cannot move on is not ‘being more sensitive to others’. It’s being unable to reasonably regulate your own emotions or respond in a socially acceptable manner.

What people usually do when they find themselves dealing with someone experiencing trauma or upset - and is the empathetic thing to do - is to get over themselves and how they feel, talk sensitively to the person and ask questions to see how they can help. Having some huge emotional episode yourself is just egocentric nonsense.

I categorise so called Empaths the same as those who like to introduce themselves as 'a bit wild/crazy/lots of fun' etc, and inside your heart sinks because you just know that they're.........not.

@peaceanddove

I categorise so called Empaths the same as those who like to introduce themselves as 'a bit wild/crazy/lots of fun' etc, and inside your heart sinks because you just know that they're.........not.

Have you seen Superstore? The character Justine is like this. Also the word "random". "I'm just so random ahahahshahahaaaaaa".

Ironically there's another character who declares themself an empath when they're clearly a sociopath.

Because in my experience even when these things are pointed out to people they remain in denial that it doesn't mean what I say it could mean. This particularly happens on forums where people continue to berate posters for behaviours linked to mental health after its pointed out mental health is at play.

Why would you be pointing out people's Mental health issues to other people in real life though? :/

[quote Apiddleawiddle]@MrPoppysParka read what I have replied to the other poster above. People are berating mental health issues in others left right and centre but you seem to be focusing on me because I claim to be an empath in person, not on a forum as that's not how it works. I pointed out what seemed like hypocrisy because I mixed up who said what and an apology was made.[/quote]
"I claim to be an empath in person, not on a forum as that's not how it works."

Convenient.

I find it hard to believe that people that struggle to deal with 'other people's emotions' would deliberately chose to be the person other people go to when they need emotional support - unless they want to take all that on and be a bit of a martyr...

In my experience self proclaimed empaths are usually so committed to the idea of being special in some way, that it ironically presents as sheer narcissism.

If you hijack someone else’s trauma by kidding yourself that you’re ‘taking on their emotions’, aka claiming their trauma as your own, then you’re not an ‘empath’, you’re just a dick that’s only concerned with centring yourself, like other people and their traumas are merely supporting characters to your main role. At best it’s emotional incontinence, at worst it’s self aggrandising attention seeking.

As for noticing whether someone has scratched themselves or whatever - that’s called being observant, not empathy. Sociopaths and predators are generally very good at picking up such cues when determining whether someone is going to be malleable or not, and I daresay you wouldn’t call either of those types ‘empaths’.

Because in my experience even when these things are pointed out to people they remain in denial that it doesn't mean what I say it could mean. This particularly happens on forums where people continue to berate posters for behaviours linked to mental health after its pointed out mental health is at play.

So you know better than everyone else?

Well I do believe that empaths exist.

However 99.99999% of those claiming to be empaths are definitely not.

I categorise so called Empaths the same as those who like to introduce themselves as 'a bit wild/crazy/lots of fun' etc, and inside your heart sinks because you just know that they're.........not

Definitely!

The posts by self-proclaimed 'empaths' on this thread have certainly confirmed my opinions about them.

@Apiddleawiddle

I am going to assume that those having an indirect dig at me also noticed the apology and how it was a mix up. Says a lot about you lot and your understanding and empathy 🤷‍♀️ you lot are poisonous.

My apologies if it seemed indirect. I intended it very directly indeed.

Yes, I noticed the apology, but that was for confusing one poster with another. It was nothing to do with your first response to a bereaved parent being an attack and a self-justification, and not thinking to offer condolences until after. You thought the poster had slighted your self-perception, and that was all you cared about.

MindyStClaire
Builtthiscityonsausagerolls
“A few years ago I remember coming in late to work and thinking the atmosphere was very tense. I said asked what I'd missed, 5 of my 7 colleagues looked at me blankly. It turned out another collegue had cornered the boss early and handed in her notice that hadn't been well received. No-one else had picked up on it.

There's been a few situations like that. But it's not some kind of special mental ability, like I said earlier it's being hyper sensitive to non verbal cues that you get if you grown up in an unstable environment.”
I don't know why this example is the one that's got under my skin, but it has as I pace the floors with a teething baby...

First of all, surely a true empath would've realised that 5 people were just going about their day as normal and pondering when to stop for a coffee or whatever. That leaves two people, Jane, say, and the boss. At which point surely you realise it's likely something personal to Jane and not any of your business.

Lastly, the point at which it's most obvious that there's something going on with Jane is when she leaves with the boss and then they come back, together or separately, clearly unhappy. I worked in an open plan office for years and still remember that sinking feeling in my stomach of "oh shit, drama afoot". So at least some of the 5 people looking at you blankly were likely playing dumb, because answering out loud to the room "Well, Jane went off with Boss and now they're both in a mood and the rest of us are awkwardly pretending not to notice" isn't exactly appropriate.

This example just doesn't strike me as someone overly aware of the feelings of others, at all.

Yes this, in particular because in the example the person called it out? Surely if they were truly empathetic they would realise that people’s drama is private and they probably don’t want everyone’s attention drawn to it? Typical of the people I know who call themselves empaths: SOMEONE IS HAVING AN EMOTION AND IT’S ALL ABOUT MEEEEE. Whereas the kind and truly empathetic thing would be to watch the situation and make Jane some tea and see if she needs anything.
And good lunch with your teething little one Mindy!

Good LUCK

Two people out of seven being stressed doesn't make a tense atmosphere all round. Five out of the seven had no idea anything was amiss.

Surely an empath would realise most people were fine and therefore there's no reason to ask the room what's wrong, since most of the room doesn't know and isn't affected.

Anyway, if you came in late then you would have had more of a chance to pick up on cues, since more people would have known by the time you walked in.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

OK, now quote the post that followed where I said I'm sorry they were suffering and hoped that having somewhere to share their trauma helped them. Even after I thought this particular poster was the one to say that sharing trauma was an unhealthy coping mechanism.

You don't get it.

Anyone's (let alone someone actually empathetic to others) usual initial reaction to someone sharing that they're a bereaved parent would be to address that first as it's so very, very awful a thing to go through. Not have a go at them / launch a defence in which you reference their trauma and only say you're sorry for their loss in a separate follow up comment! It's the least empathy I've seen on this thread!

This is an example of an empath, it isn't always about feeling the positive and feeling empathy, but also absorbing the negative and being what other people are being. Because of my mistake (which I sincerely apologised for) in thinking this poster was being hypocritical, therefore a negative, negativity becomes reflected back, more so when we look at the negativity towards those who are empaths on this thread. When I feel others are lacking empathy, I myself begin to lack empathy. Before realising I was an empath, I always said that I reflected the people around me, so if people are being dicks, I become a dick. This is why I limit those I interact with as I have found the majority of people act dickish and I'm a much happier and nicer person with as little people in my life as possible. Yes, I was lacking appropriate empathy because I am absorbing a lot of negativity from this thread where people are diagnosing me with mental health disorders (after berating me and accusing me of diagnosing others when I dont) that aren't the case, accusing me of acting superior (I do not feel superior, I feel burdened and the reason I don't interact with many people anymore) and calling me a narcissist (another mental health diagnosis), aswell as the mistake. I sincerely apologised when it was pointed out that that poster hadn't said what I thought they had and owned up to my mistake yet it isn't enough for people, but yeh, when I feel people are not nice, hypocritical or nasty, I will begin to reflect that.

When I feel others are lacking empathy, I myself begin to lack empathy. Before realising I was an empath, I always said that I reflected the people around me, so if people are being dicks, I become a dick.

So when you're a dick, it's everyone else's fault?

@PriamFarrl

Because in my experience even when these things are pointed out to people they remain in denial that it doesn't mean what I say it could mean. This particularly happens on forums where people continue to berate posters for behaviours linked to mental health after its pointed out mental health is at play.

So you know better than everyone else?

No, I'm sure there are plenty people that are more in tune with others than I am. I can feel emotions and misread them, this is how I came to be abused for a long time and almost killed by a man I loved. I saw his fear as fear of losing me when it was fear of losing control.

@DrSbaitso

When I feel others are lacking empathy, I myself begin to lack empathy. Before realising I was an empath, I always said that I reflected the people around me, so if people are being dicks, I become a dick.

So when you're a dick, it's everyone else's fault?

No, it's my fault for not walking away and allowing myself to become consumed by others behaviours and emotions.

@ReeseWitherfork

I think you need to be very careful with how you are conducting yourself socially apiddleawiddle. There's quite a few posters who are (at best) perplexed and (at worst) aghast at the behaviours you are describing.

You're overlooking that lots of people spot mental health issues, patterns of disturbing behaviour, hidden cries for help. There will be times when it's appropriate to get involved, and times where it isn't. If it's a case of "can't help but get involved" because some higher power is telling you to, then you need to find a way of unpicking and controlling that.

But whatever the interpretation of your behaviours, OPs original comment still stands:

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

"Empath" doesn't exist in any diagnosis classification. It's a word that originated from star trek and was later used by marvel.

Empath actually predates star trek.

Empath actually predates star trek.

I've just googled and it appears to come from a sci fi novel from the 50s. Is that really the hill you want to die on? Doesn't the point still stand?

I really do think so much of this is absolutely standard human behaviour, made out to be special and unique to certain individuals. We all tend to respond positively to people who agree with us and get angry with the people angry with us. However adult human beings are not sponges. We have agency and control over ourselves, not perfect, it can fail in the most emotionally regulated of people, but it is a thing, otherwise Michelle Obama's "They go low we go high" would not have struck the chord it did.

"I claim to be an empath in person, not on a forum as that's not how it works." Convenient.

In fairness, that seems pretty accurate based on my extensive study of ST: TNG. It should work through video calls though.