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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really disappointed with this present

366 replies

ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 14:47

I might sound like an ungrateful twat...

The gift is from my boyfriend (on/off - "on a break" at the moment, but he wants to get back together... and I wish we could as well... which is why I'm upset about this. We're just not the same.

We're at his mother's to celebrate my and her birthday. She puts on a big show, champagne, cake etc. There are six of us. We do gifts at the end. We're in a rented holiday cottage.
We swapped gifts. All very nice: ornaments, plants, choccies, jewelry, wine...

Then boyfriend pulls out a bag of apples and another bag of tomatoes and a piece of bamboo. He tells us to close our eyes and imagine being somewhere where these things are grown and being in a hotel and looking out of the window and it's raining.

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.

It's three external hard drives.

We don't know whose is whose. We have no way of checking here.

He collects DVDs and Bluerays. He's obviously put a load of films on these hard drives.

I've told him in the past that I don't care about DVDs (his entire house is full of them - I mean so FULL that I can't visit. Hoarder full.). I have about 30 minutes a night to watch TV and I'm happy with Prime and Netflix).

So now, I've got to go home with a hard drive full of films that might be for his mother. She'll go home with one that could be meant for me or my kid.

I know he's probably spent time doing it (a lot of time) but I've already told him many many times that I have enough with what I have. I'm just not interested in all these fucking films.

And what the fuck are the fruit and vegetables all about?

Everything always has to be weird and cryptic and about him. If he'd asked me I'd have liked an Etsy voucher or a sodding candle.

Now he's really upset that nobody cares about his hard drives. But he hasn't even said what's on any of them.

It's mad. He's not talking to me for being so ungrateful and I just feel upset that he's given me something so weird.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BatshitBanshee · 19/12/2021 09:55

Christ get rid. It's only going to get fucking weirder and more tiresome. You already have a child, you don't need another. (You don't also need her thinking his behaviour is normal or acceptable)

Allsorts1 · 19/12/2021 10:11

Please never touch this man’s willy again.

Cupcakeschocolate · 19/12/2021 10:13

I couldn't deal with this. I haven't got time for games that hurt my head. I don't think you two are right for each other. Maybe his mum should give his head a wobble. It's a very strange way to go about things!

tinse1 · 19/12/2021 10:29

I don’t really know what to say,

One thing I was endearing though - what did you all give him in terms of gifts?

OP - I Iove that you are a cat rescue person. For this reason alone, you are amazing. Focus on the cats. You don’t need to ‘rescue’ him.

tinse1 · 19/12/2021 10:29

wondering - not endearing!

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/12/2021 10:45

@tinse1

I don’t really know what to say,

One thing I was endearing though - what did you all give him in terms of gifts?

OP - I Iove that you are a cat rescue person. For this reason alone, you are amazing. Focus on the cats. You don’t need to ‘rescue’ him.

Why would they all give him giftsConfused? It wasn't his birthday, it was OP's and his mum's.
Original poster
ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 19/12/2021 10:45

For his birthday, I got him an 80 quid box set he wanted. Some Marvel thing. And I took him on a picnic by the sea with nice food. The birthday before that, I got him a bike he wanted. I always make an effort.
I got him an engraved man-bracelet one year. He wanted it.

He won't ever get rid of the DVDs. He says he's a serious collector. He's got thousands and thousands. They fill up two rooms of his house.

I just want to go home now. I'm sad and fed up. I want to go home.

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 19/12/2021 10:49

When I have sad moments like this I say a little 'thank you' (not sure who to) for reminding me I made a mistake and I need to move on

stalkersaga · 19/12/2021 10:51

I just want to go home now. I'm sad and fed up. I want to go home

Just do it. Seriously, gather your shit and get in your car. You are free. You don't have to stay there.

oftenbaffled · 19/12/2021 10:52

Get out!!!

I can't believe you have put up with this for so long

And now he's not talking to you - he sounds unpleasant.

Tonight - treat yourself and your daughter to a christmassy film and a take away. And promise her that you will never again be bringing ay more peculiar men in to her life

nolongersurprised · 19/12/2021 10:53

They fill up two rooms of his house

He’s not boyfriend material, OP.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 19/12/2021 10:55

Go home.

Flowers

I think maybe you don’t want to be alone. You don’t want to be lonely. I understand that.

But you can’t hold on to this any longer. It isn’t working, it isn’t going to work, ever. You’re setting yourself up for years of sadness and then, lingering resentment.

Go home.

Returnoftheowl · 19/12/2021 10:56

If you're not happy, then go. No matter how nice his mum is, it's time to go.

He wants you to like what he likes (DVDs) and doesn't care what you actually like. He is not going to change. You can't change him.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 19/12/2021 10:58

If you're not happy, then go. No matter how nice his mum is, it's time to go.

I feel like this might be important...is that part of the reason you’re hesitant to break it off once and for all?

Allmadeoflego · 19/12/2021 10:59

You’re feeling sad as the scales have fallen from your eyes. Go home, have a bit of a mope.

Then move on. Life is too short for this type of shit.

Sparkletastic · 19/12/2021 11:08

Go home. His mum might be nice but she still produced that man child.

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 19/12/2021 11:16

Boundaries. Yours need strengthening.

whynotwhatknot · 19/12/2021 11:31

forgot to say love cats and youre amazing what you do for them

Hemingwayscatz · 19/12/2021 11:33

I’d give him the hard drive back or bin it and ditch him, unsure why you’d want him back. He sounds really, really weird and not even in a good way.

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 19/12/2021 11:40

I'm not sure I understand what you are waiting for, or why you are even spending a birthday with someone you have broken up with. This is who he is and it's unlikely that he will ever change. If you want to leave then just do it.

Merryoldgoat · 19/12/2021 11:42

I honestly don’t understand the helplessness of some people.

ChargingBuck · 19/12/2021 12:07

Everything always has to be weird and cryptic and about him.
Why do you want to get back together with this poseur?

He's not talking to me for being so ungrateful
He's stonewalling you for not applauding his ridiculous performance.

Remind us again - WHY do you want to have anything to do with the twat?

summerhillgang · 19/12/2021 12:36

Let him know that a hand bag, jewellery or some perfume would have been better. Then kick his wasteman ass to the curb

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/12/2021 12:46

Its natural to feel sad that it didn't work out and now you have hindsight to see what hasn't worked or won't work in future. Its very hard to see that sometimes when you are right in the middle of things, so you shouldn't feel bad about it. The point is you have seen it. You and your DD can go home and enjoy the rest of your Sunday and shake the dust from your shoes. You are saving yourself a lot of future grief.

PriamFarrl · 19/12/2021 12:50

Let’s look long term here.

Can you see yourself getting old with this man? When DD is grown up and living her own life, can you see the two of you living happily?

If you can’t, if you really can’t imagine a long term future with this man then what is the point?

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