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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really disappointed with this present

366 replies

ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 14:47

I might sound like an ungrateful twat...

The gift is from my boyfriend (on/off - "on a break" at the moment, but he wants to get back together... and I wish we could as well... which is why I'm upset about this. We're just not the same.

We're at his mother's to celebrate my and her birthday. She puts on a big show, champagne, cake etc. There are six of us. We do gifts at the end. We're in a rented holiday cottage.
We swapped gifts. All very nice: ornaments, plants, choccies, jewelry, wine...

Then boyfriend pulls out a bag of apples and another bag of tomatoes and a piece of bamboo. He tells us to close our eyes and imagine being somewhere where these things are grown and being in a hotel and looking out of the window and it's raining.

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.

It's three external hard drives.

We don't know whose is whose. We have no way of checking here.

He collects DVDs and Bluerays. He's obviously put a load of films on these hard drives.

I've told him in the past that I don't care about DVDs (his entire house is full of them - I mean so FULL that I can't visit. Hoarder full.). I have about 30 minutes a night to watch TV and I'm happy with Prime and Netflix).

So now, I've got to go home with a hard drive full of films that might be for his mother. She'll go home with one that could be meant for me or my kid.

I know he's probably spent time doing it (a lot of time) but I've already told him many many times that I have enough with what I have. I'm just not interested in all these fucking films.

And what the fuck are the fruit and vegetables all about?

Everything always has to be weird and cryptic and about him. If he'd asked me I'd have liked an Etsy voucher or a sodding candle.

Now he's really upset that nobody cares about his hard drives. But he hasn't even said what's on any of them.

It's mad. He's not talking to me for being so ungrateful and I just feel upset that he's given me something so weird.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Emerald5hamrock · 18/12/2021 15:03

He is obsessive thinking everyone else loves his hobby.
It is a weird selfish gift.
If his home is a hoarding nightmare with DVD's too he has a problem.
End the relationship you and your DD deserve better.
Imagine living with this person.

daschundsanddancer · 18/12/2021 15:03

Unless the hard drive has pictures of the trip he's booked to wherever grows bamboo and tomatoes, then I'd be booting him to the kerb! Self indulgent arse.

Legoisthebest · 18/12/2021 15:04

Say thank you to his mum for the birthday celebrations, take your daughter and go home. If he questions why say "would you like a cryptic puzzle to figure it out?" and hand him a potato as a clue.
Hint....the potato is his brain.

Original poster
ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 15:04

I'm trying to upload a photo, but I can't get it to work.

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 18/12/2021 15:05

You should have lobbed the tomatoes at him.

MissyB1 · 18/12/2021 15:06

He’s a weirdo run for the hills.

mrstea301 · 18/12/2021 15:08

It's just so odd really, and the fact that he's not talking to you over it!! If he's went to all that effort, presumably to curate a load of films for each of you, why not take the final step and label them to ensure that each person 'benefits' from his effort?

Take this as the signal that it is, and run for the hills!

Emerald5hamrock · 18/12/2021 15:08

I think you'll have problems getting rid of this man.
Thank his DM and leave him with his tomatoes.

AmIAGrinchx · 18/12/2021 15:09

Look on the hard drive.. maybe it's not films?

But yes weird espically the vegetables what did his mother say? Grin

MatildaJayne · 18/12/2021 15:09

I though it might be a holiday destination. And the hard drive (bit weird, why not a memory stick?) might have more clues?

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 18/12/2021 15:09

I thought he was cruptically letting you know you were all going on holiday somewhere tropical, or possibly the local garden centre. But now I think he's just exceptionally odd.

NoSquirrels · 18/12/2021 15:10

Where DO apples, tomatoes and bamboo grow together? Is it supposed to be exotic? It sounds like the greenhouse at the bottom of my elderly neighbour’s garden. Confused

What a weirdo.

My DH is into films but he knows perfectly fucking well they’re not a present for other people!

Pipsquiggle · 18/12/2021 15:12

Hi OP

Yes I would be disappointed too. It's weird particularly the bag of apples / tomatoes - I mean WTF was all that about.

The annoying thing is that the hard drive COULD have been an OK present for his mum or your DD - all he had to do was label them!!!!

The fact that you mention he is a hoarder shows he has some form of mental health issues. We have hoarders in the family and for me this would be a deal breaker and a massive red flag.

I would be really questioning whether this guy is worth it

Hellocatshome · 18/12/2021 15:12

Place marking to find out what the hell is going on.

NoSquirrels · 18/12/2021 15:12

Then there are three wrapped boxes. One for me. One for his mother. One for my daughter (aged 4) or his brother (aged 30). He still hasn't clarified. He says it doesn't matter who opens what, but if we get the wrong box, we won't like it.

It's three external hard drives.

There are 3 for 4 people?

Are you fighting over who doesn’t have to take one?

WaltzingBetty · 18/12/2021 15:12

@PatriotCanes

He could have just saved himself some time and handed you all a large red flag.
Grin
Original poster
ToMeetOrNotToMeet · 18/12/2021 15:12

He won't be taking us anywhere. He's too tight. There's just no way it's that. I've had three glasses of wine, so I can't drive home. Plus it's miles away. We're staying over. I don't want to upset his mum or my DD. She's excited to be here. He's not a bad person, but he needn't bother getting in a mood because he's chosen to spend the last six months pissing about with DVDs. He's off sick from work, so that's all he does. He's always copying DVDs. We'll, I just don't give a shit. I rescue cats. I run a cat sanctuary. Should I give everyone a cat for their birthday... with a bag of rocket and a fucking melon and then go in a strop when they don't look happy about it?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 18/12/2021 15:13

Should I give everyone a cat for their birthday... with a bag of rocket and a fucking melon and then go in a strop when they don't look happy about it?

Yes!

Yes, you should.

Then tell us about it Grin Grin

ElfIsTheImposter · 18/12/2021 15:14

OMG, this is so random and weird.

I was wondering if it was a surprise way on announcing a holiday. But then that means it's you going with your DC, BIL and MIL. Blush.

Just no.

MatildaJayne · 18/12/2021 15:14

Aw, I’d love a rescue cat. But not as a present for Christmas!

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 18/12/2021 15:14

Is he so self obsessed he doesn’t realise why you two don’t work?

Hellocatshome · 18/12/2021 15:15

Should I give everyone a cat for their birthday

Yes please.

UserBot314 · 18/12/2021 15:15

Time for the ''we're on different pages!'' speech.

You sound funny. I like you. I'm sure his mother will be sighing long and hard when he gets the heave ho from ''the normal funny girlfriend'' and he's on his own again, unemployed and up to his oxters in hard drives

Floralnomad · 18/12/2021 15:15

Why do you want to get back together with him , it all sounds like too much hard work .

Hoppinggreen · 18/12/2021 15:16

He’s not half as interesting as he thinks he is