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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want non-family to give my kid presents?

214 replies

MamaKatja · 17/12/2021 18:33

A bit of a reality check, please.

We are trying not to spoil our 4yo DD (ahem, at least not too much), including at Christmas. I just don't like kids on a ripping-open-presents frenzy, without really being able to enjoy even one because of the sheer abundance. Our DD has also become increasingly picky, throwing little surprises from her advent calendar (lovingly, or so I thought, compiled by me) at me whenever she didn't like them.

Now, we have a rule that family are allowed to give her one Christmas present each, as are my DH and I together. Plus one from Santa, and that's supposed to be it. I negotiated a truce with her godfather, but now non-family members are piling in, including the neighbours, our nanny, a new schoolfriend's mum, and others. The result? Nine presents already!

AIBU to think that non-family should butt out?

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 17/12/2021 18:36

My dc have no family except me and dh. Because they don't give a shit.. Be more appreciative that your dd is cared about.

Caspianberg · 17/12/2021 18:36

Erm yeah you need a reality check.

We also don’t go crazy. Stocking and one gift type family from us. And family and friends don’t go crazy. But you can’t ban people from getting anything.
We ‘suggest’ things they like or need so we don’t end up with lots of one thing.

But 9 gifts total is pretty normal, as long as they aren’t 9 super cars or something

Newrunner29 · 17/12/2021 18:38

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

My dc have no family except me and dh. Because they don't give a shit.. Be more appreciative that your dd is cared about.
This My girls do not get presents from others i would to love to think others thought of them to want to buy presents!
Hairwizard · 17/12/2021 18:39

Yabvu imo.

I get the not wanting to spoil your dc but ffs.
Put out some for christmas morning then spread the rest out.

StonewalledNameChange · 17/12/2021 18:40

Lol yes YABU. I don't like excessive gift-giving or the attitude it temporarily creates in DC either, but you don't get to control your DD's community's generosity towards her like this. Even the family 'rule' sounds a bit wtf tbh.

Shes not going to be permanently spoiled by it. You offset it through the rest of the year, through charity, through reminders about rudeness, through giving her opportunities to be generous too (which may or may not involve the acquisition of stuff).

NerrSnerr · 17/12/2021 18:40

Oh god. What utter bastards- people who love and care for your child so much they want to buy them a gift. I'd cut them out of your life for being such awful people.

NotAnotherPushyMum · 17/12/2021 18:41

Very definition of a first world problem - my child has too many people who love her and want to give her gifts at a very normal gift-giving time of the year…Hmm

RedwineforSantaplease · 17/12/2021 18:41

How very dare they.

mugoftea456 · 17/12/2021 18:42

If my friends said this to me when I buy for their kids I would they were incredibly ungrateful and I would feel so awkward

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 17/12/2021 18:43

The reality check would probably be very colourful but given you've at least posted about it you partly suspect you are in the wrong so that's a start.

Re-frame it that Christmas is a time of giving and you're fortunate that there are a lot of people that want to give to your DD.

NoSquirrels · 17/12/2021 18:44

You don’t count your nanny as someone entitled to give her a present? Shock

If she’s unappreciative of her advent calendar do a simple window-opening card one like years gone by. Start with your own actions before you police the good deeds of others.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 17/12/2021 18:44

You spread the present opening out between Christmas and New years and 9 presents is hardly loads if they have too many. You could even keep them for after Christmas and give her one a weekend during the cold, dark wintery weekends between Jan and Feb half term. Children rarely play non stop with toys and just because you lovingly put presents together doesn't mean she'll automatically love them.

Rumplestrumpet · 17/12/2021 18:45

Just spread the gifts out so they're not opening them all on Christmas morning. One on Xmas Eve, one over Christmas dinner, one boxing day ....

I think you're right not to spoil them but being a tad ungrateful about the gifts from non-family

Scarby9 · 17/12/2021 18:45

I am concerned to hear about your child's behaviour when her Advent calendar gift isn't what she wanted. That is decidedly rude, ungrateful and not acceptable.

So I think the response to gifts is what I would be addressing, rather than turning away well-meant gifts.

Maybe spread out the opening eg. Open neighbours' gift on Christmas Eve then taking round to say thank you.

Or hand her a gift one at a time.

Or open one every hour or something.

And talk to her in advance about how to respond to a gift, even if it is not what you hoped for or even like. Praise her for a polite response (and swap some gifts if appropriate) and stop presents for a rude response.

RunningFromInsanity · 17/12/2021 18:46

YABU But if you have to could you save some to give throughout the year for when she’s been particularly good?

Classica · 17/12/2021 18:46

Those awful non-family people.

Send the nanny to her garret without any supper!

MajorCarolDanvers · 17/12/2021 18:47

The absolute horror.

Get a grip.

bonetiredwithtwins · 17/12/2021 18:47

9 presents isn't a lot really.....I think you're being really precious and clearly whatever you're trying to instil in your daughter hasn't worked if she throws toys she doesn't like at you?

3cats4poniesandababy · 17/12/2021 18:48

WTF. Plenty of children get lots of christmas gifts and don't act spoilt. If it was constant big presents every week you may have a point but bringing up a non-spoilt child is lot more than limiting christmas gifts.

If you are worried about her being overwhelmed with thr number spread gifts out through the day and also over a few days.

dementedpixie · 17/12/2021 18:48

What a fun sponge you are!
They want to show that they care by giving a gift; what's wrong with that?

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 17/12/2021 18:49

She's 4, it's likely her first proper Christmas as precivid she would have been too young and last year I'd assume didn't get many as we were in lockdown.

Children have to be taught how to accept gifts, taught to wait their turn as another family member opens their present, taught to give gifts whether bought or made they don't automatically know how to do these things.

ChristmasRobins · 17/12/2021 18:49

*I am concerned to hear about your child's behaviour when her Advent calendar gift isn't what she wanted. That is decidedly rude, ungrateful and not acceptable.

So I think the response to gifts is what I would be addressing, rather than turning away well-meant gifts.*

Exactly.

Georgy12 · 17/12/2021 18:49

Give your head a wobble hon, you're coming across as very controlling and that never ends well.

x2boys · 17/12/2021 18:50

Only on Mumsnet 🤣

BlackCatz · 17/12/2021 18:51

Jesus, what a Scrooge.