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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want non-family to give my kid presents?

214 replies

MamaKatja · 17/12/2021 18:33

A bit of a reality check, please.

We are trying not to spoil our 4yo DD (ahem, at least not too much), including at Christmas. I just don't like kids on a ripping-open-presents frenzy, without really being able to enjoy even one because of the sheer abundance. Our DD has also become increasingly picky, throwing little surprises from her advent calendar (lovingly, or so I thought, compiled by me) at me whenever she didn't like them.

Now, we have a rule that family are allowed to give her one Christmas present each, as are my DH and I together. Plus one from Santa, and that's supposed to be it. I negotiated a truce with her godfather, but now non-family members are piling in, including the neighbours, our nanny, a new schoolfriend's mum, and others. The result? Nine presents already!

AIBU to think that non-family should butt out?

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 17/12/2021 19:48

What vile scummy people you associate with op. Getting a child that they aren’t related to a Christmas present, have you logged it with 101?

Lovemusic33 · 17/12/2021 19:49

We don’t have a present opening frenzy 😬

Presents from anyone are appreciated, we open each one, reading the labels so they know who was kind enough to buy them a gift, each present is special whatever is in them. Maybe teaching your dd to be grateful is more important than telling people not to buy her things? Christmas presents don’t make a child spoilt, it’s one day.

sunshineandshowers40 · 17/12/2021 19:49

YABU. It's Christmas. Let your DC enjoy Christmas. It's lovely that you have people in your life that want to give your DC gifts. Stop being so joyless.

KatyRebecca84 · 17/12/2021 19:49

I understand what you mean, my son has become spoilt as he gets a lot from family etc, however.. accept the presents graciously and maybe space them out over the Xmas period and make sure they’re enjoyed and a thank you note written?

GetOffTheTableMabel · 17/12/2021 19:53

Your child will not be spoiled by receiving lots of gifts. She just needs to be taught how to receive them graciously, even if she doesn’t like them. She’s still pretty young for that at four but it’s an ongoing process.

Responding to throwing things she doesn’t like with positive, firm and consistent parenting is your job here. Policing what people give her is not.

00100001 · 17/12/2021 19:56

You complain that she'd end up with too many presents... After you put TWENTY FOUR things in an advent calendar 🤣🤣🤣

Nillynally · 17/12/2021 19:57

Children aren't spoilt by lots of gifts. They become spoilt by not being taught to be appreciative- something you're not modelling very well right now.

AstroBunny · 17/12/2021 19:57

You need to sort your bratty child's attitude out, that's the issue here. You don't sound much better to be fair Hmm

TonkinLenkicks · 17/12/2021 19:58

Bloody hell, bet your house is a right laugh on the 25thHmm

Yika · 17/12/2021 19:58

I understand not wanting to have a deluge of presents but, put very simply, you cannot dictate whether others give gifts or not, sorry.

Partyowl · 17/12/2021 19:58

Rude!
Bloody hell OP. Talk about sucking the joy - I've got little selection boxes for my neighbours delightful children.
Maybe I should butt out.
You've spoilt my evening. Thanks.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 17/12/2021 19:59

@KatyRebecca84

I understand what you mean, my son has become spoilt as he gets a lot from family etc, however.. accept the presents graciously and maybe space them out over the Xmas period and make sure they’re enjoyed and a thank you note written?
If you're really evil, like me, you withhold one exciting present until they've done thank yous for all the others. Saves the nagging, though, according to my DC, this has scarred them for life. I look forward to my appearance on the Stately Homes thread 😀
Silverswirl · 17/12/2021 20:00

Jeez. You sounds like fun. Not.
I get not wanting her to be spoiled but you are going wayyyy to far the other way.
Relax. Don’t count her presents.
Give her a stocking full of things she might like/ can use / can read. Watch her little face light up.
Teach her to be grateful yes but your approach seems very harsh.
If others want to gift her something teach her to be grateful for it and anything she doesn’t need she can donate it to a charity / hospital

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 17/12/2021 20:00

Little people have different priorities to us.

When my Dd was young she was given £20 in £5 notes in a card that also contained two sheets of stickers, the money was chucked over her shoulder and discarded without a second thought, whilst she lovingly adorned herself, her teddies, and anyone in a 10m radius with the stickers.

Just because you spent a long time picking her the perfect tiny advent gift doesn't mean she knows that, she probably heard that friends at school/nursery got chocolate and wanted/expected that instead of what you picked.

MiniCooperLover · 17/12/2021 20:00

OP, you sound a misery. Let her enjoy being 4 ... give her a normal choc advent calendar and stop expecting so much of her

CMZ2018 · 17/12/2021 20:03

Miserable fucker

Newduvet · 17/12/2021 20:05

@GetOffTheTableMabel

Your child will not be spoiled by receiving lots of gifts. She just needs to be taught how to receive them graciously, even if she doesn’t like them. She’s still pretty young for that at four but it’s an ongoing process.

Responding to throwing things she doesn’t like with positive, firm and consistent parenting is your job here. Policing what people give her is not.

This.
FelicityPike · 17/12/2021 20:06

I hope you took her advent calendar away the first time she bloody threw one of the surprises at you! (I mean bring it back once she apologised of course)
What was her punishment for that?

Rexthesnail · 17/12/2021 20:07

I feel sorry for the poor child

MissAmbrosia · 17/12/2021 20:07

Jeez! When I was little I was the eldest grandchild and had a total of 10 aunties. There was a HEAP under the tree - none of it expensive - but it was quite magical! As I grew up, they got married and had their own kids and mostly stopped buying me stuff and that was fine too. But I have a horror to this day of a tree with nothing under it. And I have an only child with all GPS dead and no family close by. Let her enjoy it whilst it lasts for goodness sake.

MissAmbrosia · 17/12/2021 20:08

In fact it was only 9 aunties - I got carried away Grin

WarmWinterSun · 17/12/2021 20:09

Very unreasonable OP!

Ironically in your desire to teach your child to be grateful you are being incredibly ungrateful towards the others. I feel particularly sad for the nanny- of course she would wants to give a present to the child she cares for.

It’s common for children to receive a lot of gifts at Christmas. It’s your job as a parent to teach your child to appreciate all of them. This is probably a little beyond a four year old to get this right but it’s something to develop over time.

00100001 · 17/12/2021 20:13

@MissAmbrosia

In fact it was only 9 aunties - I got carried away Grin
Greedy caaah.... you're a spoiled brat, because your family gave you presents when you were a kid...9 aunts wasn't enough, so you just had to round grabbing another.... Grin
Nocutenamesleft · 17/12/2021 20:14

Yes. If she’s throwing gifts at you. It’s your parenting. Not the amount of presents she’s received in her life that makes her do that.

Munchyseeds · 17/12/2021 20:16

Chill out and relax... half the fun of Christmas ie your child waking you up way too early on Christmas morning because Santa has left lots of presents!!