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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want non-family to give my kid presents?

214 replies

MamaKatja · 17/12/2021 18:33

A bit of a reality check, please.

We are trying not to spoil our 4yo DD (ahem, at least not too much), including at Christmas. I just don't like kids on a ripping-open-presents frenzy, without really being able to enjoy even one because of the sheer abundance. Our DD has also become increasingly picky, throwing little surprises from her advent calendar (lovingly, or so I thought, compiled by me) at me whenever she didn't like them.

Now, we have a rule that family are allowed to give her one Christmas present each, as are my DH and I together. Plus one from Santa, and that's supposed to be it. I negotiated a truce with her godfather, but now non-family members are piling in, including the neighbours, our nanny, a new schoolfriend's mum, and others. The result? Nine presents already!

AIBU to think that non-family should butt out?

OP posts:
Jacketpotato84 · 17/12/2021 20:57

What do you say when she throws the advent contents at you? Do you say that's not nice it makes me feel upset ive made nice little gifts for you?
Does she want a chocolate calendar like the majority of children maybe she hears her friends talking about theirs at school? Just a suggestion
Why don't you want her having gifts off other people I don't get it sorry

Livelovebehappy · 17/12/2021 20:57

A bit crass tbh coming on here with this. There are lots of parents struggling out there financially this year, and lots of posts on here about feeling family don't really give a damn or put in much effort, and then read your post where you’re griping about people actually daring to care about your dd. Be grateful op for the love showered on your dd. Many don’t have that.

IAmMeThisIsI · 17/12/2021 21:03

It's not your choice to make. People are buying gifts for your kid, not you. She's not just an extension of you. She's a little human. People love her and want to show her that at Christmas. Bah humbug!

NandorTheRelentless · 17/12/2021 21:04

Our DD has also become increasingly picky, throwing little surprises from her advent calendar (lovingly, or so I thought, compiled by me) at me whenever she didn't like them. I agree this is your problem more than the amount of gifts.

People want to show love with gifts, and its not their fault your DD is in that stage (hopefully just a stage) Its up to you to deal with/train her how to/ deal with

Squeezita · 17/12/2021 21:05

A bit crass tbh coming on here with this. There are lots of parents struggling out there financially this year, and lots of posts on here about feeling family don't really give a damn or put in much effort, and then read your post where you’re griping about people actually daring to care about your dd. Be grateful op for the love showered on your dd. Many don’t have that.

Agreed. There are people posting about how to make a meagre few presents look enough.

Buy a clue, OP.

Staryflight445 · 17/12/2021 21:05

Gosh the expectations you have on a 4 year old are waaaay out.
Can’t believe you’re controlling how many gifts people buy too.
Crackers…

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/12/2021 21:06

You sound joyless.

morechocolateneededtoday · 17/12/2021 21:07

As people above have said, and you have acknowledged, it is her response that you need to resolve, not the well intentioned gifts.

I despise endless excess gifts because I do not like accumulating stuff and hate that they like things for 5 minutes and forget about them if receiving too much. I still do not dare stop people from giving my children gifts. Fortunately close family tend to ask what to give so I will give a suggestion of something that is useful or request money for savings account as an alternative which they are very happy with.

In cases like Xmas, class parties etc where they receive far too much, present opening is spread out over days and they still do not play with toys instantly. They get to select which ones they want to keep and we always donate some (of their choice). We have fun wrapping them and thinking of the enjoyment another less fortunate child will receive and that currently is their favourite part, hopefully that lasts a while still!

bg21 · 17/12/2021 21:07

@driftcompatible

Butt out?! That's your response to generosity?! If your child is a spoilt little shit that's on you. When my child has a lot of presents I stagger them out. Only one at a time is opened. No ripping frenzy. Thank you cards written. Etc. You need to sort your parenting out rather than be nasty about those who are being kind and generous.

YABU and a total twat.

this !! this says it all lol 😆 excellent comment !
Wife2b · 17/12/2021 21:09

The Grinch is alive and kicking on mumsnet.

RavingAnnie · 17/12/2021 21:20

YABVVVVU. You can't control everything. Chill out.

starfishofbethlehem · 17/12/2021 21:22

If you don't want a ripping presents open frenzy then you don't give her all the presents at once. Hold some back where she won't find them.

Goldenelf · 17/12/2021 21:23

This sounds so controlling.

I let my ds open the presents. But not get everything out. Some stay boxed and we look at them gradually over the holidays.

Poetrypatty · 17/12/2021 21:24

YABU. Let your kid enjoy Christmas and enjoy receiving presents. It also brings joy to the giver of the gift.

surreygirl1987 · 17/12/2021 21:24

Remember, many people find joy in gift giving, especially for little children. It would be a shame to deprive people of this joy. I love giving presents to people and it makes me happy to pick them out and wrap them and see them enjoy them. I'd be sad if people I cared about told me I couldn't buy anything for them. It's the same reason my husband and I still let my mother in law buy us a stocking each for Christmas... they're full of cheap tat and I hardly use a lot of it and I have to pretend to love it - but I know she loves the tradition that she hasn't broken since my husband was tiny and it makes her happy to prepare the stockings. So we just go along with it.

GrandDuchessRomanov · 17/12/2021 21:31

I wish my DS16 had so many people who cared enough about him to give him a gift or even better, spend actual time with him as your DD does.

Count your blessings.

Squeezita · 17/12/2021 21:32

If your child is a spoilt little shit that's on you.

Wow, don’t hold back 🤣

cadburyegg · 17/12/2021 21:35

You have "rules"?!

🤣🤣🤣

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 17/12/2021 21:36

Sometimes I come onto mumsnet and suddenly feel very grateful for my parents and my childhood.

This thread is batshit!

Ginpostersyndrome · 17/12/2021 21:39

I've not rtft but we used to allow the children to open family presents on Christmas Day and others one a day for the next few days when they were under about 7. It worked well for us.

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 17/12/2021 21:44

Just get her a chocolate advent calendar next year. They're like £1 in Tesco and your child isn't bombarded with shit every day for a month.

Sceptre86 · 17/12/2021 21:54

I can kind of see what you mean and of course it comes from a good place but you can't really dictate how other people behave. Instead you can put some toys away and give them to her periodically. This of course won't be what the givers intended but then it's your child so ultimately you call the shots.

Offmyfence · 17/12/2021 21:59

So your child is throwing her loving picked by you presents from her advent calendar...... she's already spoilt!

LondonJax · 17/12/2021 22:03

You may have rules for your friends and neighbours, but you don't seem to have rules for your child. So when is she going to learn that being ungrateful isn't nice? It's never to young to say 'that's rude' or 'that's enough' and take the advent calendar away for a day or so. That'll teach her that being ungrateful and throwing things brings a penalty.

You're the parent, she's the child, you don't put up with crap from your kid. However young they are.

Kshhuxnxk · 17/12/2021 22:10

Ahh, pfb!

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