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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Joke taken the wrong way

213 replies

cakes90 · 13/12/2021 23:05

I went to a meetup group tonight and was having a laugh with a few people I just met. There was a running joke about some of the fake profiles on meetup. I said to one guy as a joke I thought he may have been a fake profile before he came to the event - this is a joke and I never thought that at all. He got really cagey and said there was nothing wrong with his profile. I apologised as I didn't mean anything. I didn't realise he would be offended. There is no way I would want to upset or offend someone.

The atmosphere was tense then, as it was near the end of the night he said he isn't stopping out as he is tired, he looked at me and said 'nothing to do with the company'. Now, before this incident he said he was tired anyway. A long time friend said as soon as I said the joke she could see how someone would take it the wrong way and you have to be careful with people you don't know and have just met. I was a member of the group for 3 years and have left it. I have not had anyone fall out like this in the years I have been going to meetup.

Looking back over this night it seemed like these people were quite socially awkward. I wish I had not gone now and waited for the next event when my long time friends would have gone as they are not like this and would have laughed. Was it bad I tried to joke?

OP posts:

Theremoresefulday · 13/12/2021 23:06

It’s hard to tell written down to be honest. But I don’t think I’d have said that.

Cocomarine · 13/12/2021 23:07

It’s bizarrely over sensitive to leave a group you’ve been in for 3 years, and have friends in, over one incident where you’re not even sure you did anything wrong. Why?

I know it’s not dating, but when I was online dating, talking about fake profiles was a regular ice breaker. It’s not inherently rude, but I guess you had to be there.

rattlemehearties · 13/12/2021 23:07

Yeah sounds like that was too personal, you shouldn't have singled him out. You could have made the joke about yourself - that would have been funnier: "bet you thought I was a fake profile" (I mean, it's not funny, but better to be self deprecating than pick on someone else)

Original poster

cakes90 · 13/12/2021 23:11

@rattlemehearties

I did try and turn it round on me but he was not interested.

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 13/12/2021 23:12

“ I said to one guy as a joke I thought he may have been a fake profile before he came to the event - this is a joke and I never thought that at all”

This is a bit weird - and you call them socially awkward!

It’s a bit personal, singling him out, without a reason to make the comment funny.

GrazingSheep · 13/12/2021 23:13

Why did you think it would be funny?

Kite22 · 13/12/2021 23:14

What rattlemehearties said.

Unless you know a person really well, then, yes it is really nasty to 'accuse' them of something. You have no idea how much courage it had taken them to come out and come along to meet strangers, and you ridiculed them on first meeting.

I'm surprised you even need to ask.

No, of course you can joke with people you don't know well, but you don't make them the brunt of the joke. That is just nasty.

Cocomarine · 13/12/2021 23:14

How on earth did you turn it round on yourself?
Did you just outright say to him, “I thought yours was a fake profile, as it happens.”?
I’m trying to see where you thought the humour was coming from, to make it a joke.

SexyNeckbeard · 13/12/2021 23:14

I wouldn't have got offended but it's not funny - I'd have thought you very odd if you said that to me. Was it his first time there?

rattlemehearties · 13/12/2021 23:15

Why did you think it would be funny - was he spectacularly handsome or interesting?

user1471457751 · 13/12/2021 23:19

I'm not sure where the joke was. You said you thought his profile may be fake, even though you didn't really think that. How's that funny?
All you've done is essentially criticise his profile in front of the group.

Justmuddlingalong · 13/12/2021 23:19

I think you felt relaxed in their company, having a laugh. But as you'd just met them I think you were too familiar and overstepped the mark with what you thought was a funny comment. I'm cringing imagining the blank faces and tumbleweed.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/12/2021 23:19

I don't think you have a great sense of humour, if that's your idea of a joke.

But running away and leaving a group you've been in for three years, because one thing you said came out awkwardly? That's odd! Just apologise and move on.

Original poster

cakes90 · 13/12/2021 23:21

@user1471457751

I'm not sure where the joke was. You said you thought his profile may be fake, even though you didn't really think that. How's that funny? All you've done is essentially criticise his profile in front of the group.

I didn't realise that till after I had said it and the way he had taken it.

OP posts:

Thwackit · 13/12/2021 23:21

Normally fake profiles on online meet-ups are more attractive than usual / too good to be true, and if there’s a known history in the group for fakes then I do think it’s beyond comprehension that you made a quick joke about it. ‘Nice to meet you Tim - thought you could be another one of those catfish this group gets getting so great so see you here!’ Bit of a giggle and it’s over. I think his reaction smacks of someone very self-conscious who worries about how he comes across and he’s seen nothing but a sincere comment in it. I don’t really think that’s your fault, tbh. People make jokes that aren’t funny all the time but most people have the social skills with strangers to smile politely. His reaction is very OTT.

Draggondragon · 13/12/2021 23:21

What's s meet up group?

Thwackit · 13/12/2021 23:22

^^ NOT beyond comprehension!!! YANBU, just to be clear!

rattlemehearties · 13/12/2021 23:22

Seems like you're still defending yourself and not learning from these replies. Don't take the piss out of others is probably a good rule to stick to in future

AngelinaFibres · 13/12/2021 23:24

A joke is only a joke if people find it funny. Clearly they didn't find it remotely funny so it wasn't a joke it was an awkward, personal comment about someone you didn't know.

TrashyPanda · 13/12/2021 23:24

It sounds like he was really upset. Poor guy. I feel sorry for him, he was there to meet people and make friends, and ended up feeling bad.

LobsterNapkin · 13/12/2021 23:26

Given that there was a running joke about it, I don't think it was that odd a comment. Plus it's not like the fake profiles look like weirdos or something.

Maybe not super-funny but not offensive.

StoneofDestiny · 13/12/2021 23:31

What's a meet up group?

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/12/2021 23:33

Look at it from his perspective: it’s his first time at a meeting trying to make new friends, and a complete stranger has just told him, out of nowhere, that there’s something about the way he looks in his photo or what he’s written about himself in his profile which comes across as fake / weird / suspicious.

It’s not exactly flattering, is it? Especially if he’s already feeling a bit self conscious because it’s his first time at a meeting. And it isn’t funny. And if you’ve only just met him, he doesn’t know it’s a “running joke.”

It’s a bit precious to delete yourself from the group over it, though. Can’t you just avoid him and focus on the others you do know?

Original poster

cakes90 · 13/12/2021 23:34

@LobsterNapkin

Given that there was a running joke about it, I don't think it was that odd a comment. Plus it's not like the fake profiles look like weirdos or something.

Maybe not super-funny but not offensive.

That's why I was shocked he took it the wrong way as there had been a running joke about it. His profile doesn't even look fake so it does not make sense. Afterwards he was asking my friend what a fake profile looked like, he seemed really paranoid.

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 13/12/2021 23:35

Hopefully it isn't a friendship group.

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