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AIBU?

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Original poster

Joke taken the wrong way

213 replies

cakes90 · 13/12/2021 23:05

I went to a meetup group tonight and was having a laugh with a few people I just met. There was a running joke about some of the fake profiles on meetup. I said to one guy as a joke I thought he may have been a fake profile before he came to the event - this is a joke and I never thought that at all. He got really cagey and said there was nothing wrong with his profile. I apologised as I didn't mean anything. I didn't realise he would be offended. There is no way I would want to upset or offend someone.

The atmosphere was tense then, as it was near the end of the night he said he isn't stopping out as he is tired, he looked at me and said 'nothing to do with the company'. Now, before this incident he said he was tired anyway. A long time friend said as soon as I said the joke she could see how someone would take it the wrong way and you have to be careful with people you don't know and have just met. I was a member of the group for 3 years and have left it. I have not had anyone fall out like this in the years I have been going to meetup.

Looking back over this night it seemed like these people were quite socially awkward. I wish I had not gone now and waited for the next event when my long time friends would have gone as they are not like this and would have laughed. Was it bad I tried to joke?

OP posts:
SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 14/12/2021 02:29

Going against the grain here but I think it sounds like a load of drama over nothing.

Perhaps this just means that you aren't on the same wavelength as those people. Sense of humour is a huge part of friendship and if you're mismatched in this area it will probably never really go anywhere.

me4real · 14/12/2021 02:36

I think it can depend a lot on the area, but as a PP said a lot of people at groups like that aren't very confident and maybe can be very sensitive.

My sister's involved with something called 18 Plus. It seems to include a lot of guys who still live with their mum into their 30s or 40s.

But yes, you did say the wrong thing but we all do it now and again, it's not the end of the world.

unname · 14/12/2021 02:48

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

I wouldn’t have taken offence at your lighthearted remark, OP. But I have learnt to be very cautious about joking with strangers. Some people are very prickly. You don’t know how people are going to react.

Don’t beat yourself up about this, though. I wouldn’t leave the group over this. Write it off to experience, and enjoy the next meeting with your friends.

This is what I think also.

I totally get the joke. I would have laughed. But not everyone has the same sense of humor.

aurynne · 14/12/2021 02:50

The joke fell flat, the guy took it personally, both of you seem to be overreacting... does life really need all this extra drama? MeetUp is a place to meet people and relax! He doesn't share your sense of humour, but if you both took this as what it is - a very minor faux-pas between 2 strangers - there needn't be any awkwardness between you. Put the non-event behind you and act like an adult, FGS.

HeadPain · 14/12/2021 03:56

I don't see a problem. I would have thought it was a compliment, like they seemed too good to be true, but how great they turned out to not be a fake profile. It's a compliment isn't it? I couldn't be bothered with anyone who gets upset about that.

FlourPowered · 14/12/2021 03:59

@HeadPain

I don't see a problem. I would have thought it was a compliment, like they seemed too good to be true, but how great they turned out to not be a fake profile. It's a compliment isn't it? I couldn't be bothered with anyone who gets upset about that.
This is exactly what I was going to say.
HeadPain · 14/12/2021 04:00

@Kuachui

i would have taken it as you calling me good looking :S as in so attractive it must be a fake profile
That's what I thought! I don't understand most people's reactions in this thread, or the guy's reaction.
UnsuitableHat · 14/12/2021 04:10

Sounds like you misjudged the ‘joke’ and hit some sort of nerve with him. Perhaps a bit of social clumsiness on your part, given that he was a stranger and not someone with whom you have an established rapport. But not the end of the world; many of us have been there. Could you ride it out a bit?

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 14/12/2021 04:14

I don't understand why everyone seems to think your joke was designed to make him feel bad. Like you were criticising his appearance, bio etc. Surely its the complete opposite? Everyone knows that fake profiles are generally the ones that sound to good to be true with model esque photos.

I would have take it as a compliment OP!!!!

Either way, try not to worry about it.

DBI78 · 14/12/2021 04:17

I would have made this sort of joke too and yes sometimes I get tumbleweed. I don't think it was a bad thing to say but caus you don't know him you didn't expect his reaction. It seems he's really self conscious and you hit a nerve. But you apologised which is all you can do no point in dwelling beyond that, when you say leaving group do u meen entirely included events where friends will attend or just this specific meet up group. I could understand feeling uncomfortable in that group although perseverance may relieve that as u got to know them better. It would be a shame to write off something due to one misjudged comment.

DBI78 · 14/12/2021 04:17

@CuntAmongstThePigeons

I don't understand why everyone seems to think your joke was designed to make him feel bad. Like you were criticising his appearance, bio etc. Surely its the complete opposite? Everyone knows that fake profiles are generally the ones that sound to good to be true with model esque photos.

I would have take it as a compliment OP!!!!

Either way, try not to worry about it.

I thought same!
Lightstoobright · 14/12/2021 04:25

Surprised no one has asked this yet -
OP, was he non-white / did he have a 'foreign' name?

LaurenKelsey · 14/12/2021 04:26

Some people don’t have a sense of humour. I wouldn’t worry about it or let it keep me from participating. Now you know, this guy takes himself too seriously.

cookiemonster2468 · 14/12/2021 04:28

Well it wasn't a great thing to say to someone who obviously goes to meetup groups with people they've met online and obviously values that part of their life. I can see how suggesting it was a fake profile could have been offensive and don't really get the joke.

However I don't think it's really enough to stop you going to a group you've been in for 3 years? That seems disproportionate for a little bit of social embarrassment. Just shrug it off and move on.

cookiemonster2468 · 14/12/2021 04:30

I have not had anyone fall out like this in the years I have been going to meetup

I mean he didn't really "fall out" with you did he? He politely excused himself and said it was nothing to do with the company. The way you interpret that is up to you but it's hardly a big bust up.

Lightstoobright · 14/12/2021 04:30

To state the obvious, if he was not white / has a foreign name then you were probably being -not just rude- but subtly racist and it's no wonder he was upset. I'm assuming you did actually believe that his profile was fake, even for a second, otherwise you wouldn't have said it.

Silvershroud · 14/12/2021 04:34

TBH, it is quite funny, like the way a stand-up deals with a heckler. You could also try "did someone tell you it was fancy dress?" or "so your carers are having a night off tonight, then?" At least it would show if he had a sense of humour!

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/12/2021 04:46

He's not really fallen out with you.. he just doesn't understand the joke.

Saying 'haha, worried you might be one of those fake profiles' means 'thought you may have been too good to be true...' with the implication 'now you are here, I can see you are indeed every bit as good/fun/whatever as your profile suggested'... ie a good thing.

Unless there is some huge element you've left out beyond it being a running joke he was unaware of, and him thinking you've called him some sort of internet troll... i think its just one of those 'you've apologised, move on' jobs!

Beautiful3 · 14/12/2021 04:47

It was a silly thing to say. Just say sorry and carry on going. Silly to leave something you love to do, because of it.

MimiDaisy11 · 14/12/2021 05:01

It’s interesting that people have a polar opposite meaning to saying your profile looks fake. I’m in the camp of taking it as a compliment as most fake profiles are too good to be true with model pics. What’s the point of making a fake profile of a loser? So I’d think you were saying I was good looking.

However for some as demonstrated here it means weird (?) or some other offensive thing.

You said it’s a running joke in the group but since the guy was new maybe he didn’t know. If you apologised and explained it then I don’t know what more you can do. Some people are sensitive but it’s also hard to fully judge it without having been there.

I think it’s a bit drastic to not go back. I’d just go back when your friends will be there.

HarlanPepper · 14/12/2021 05:44

I think you're getting a ludicrously hard time here from the majority of posters. Surely most people can understand making an unthinking remark on an impulse or getting carried away by a group joke. Yes, you shouldn't have singled one person out, I can see how he felt humiliated (I would have been too), but you apologised. It was a mistake. People make those.

Hopefully he'll be OK by now and he'll go back to the group too - but you shouldn't leave over this. You obviously get a lot out of the group.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 05:54

He sounds like hard work and not your type of person (he wouldn’t be mine either), so no real loss.
Even if he didn’t find it funny, it wasn’t offensive, and he was being ridiculous to react in a way that made there be a weird atmosphere in the group.

I’d be thinking he does have other fake profiles online to get so weird about it all. Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape. Forget about him.

SparrowNest · 14/12/2021 06:27

If someone told me they thought my profile was a catfish I’d take it as a compliment because the implication is you looked too hot/amazing to be true. Maybe different in the context of the fake profiles on this group? I don’t think I’d take it as an insult, though. I suppose if the guy is not hugely conventionally attractive etc it might seem like you’re mocking.

BigYellowHat · 14/12/2021 06:32

The trouble is, you never know what someone else’s sense of humour is like. Personally, I would have laughed but he didn’t. From what you’ve written it sounds as though you didn’t do anything wrong.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 14/12/2021 06:41

It was only a joke. That'll be why he has to go on the internet for friends, because he is a humourless sod in real life and has no mates.