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Original poster

Joke taken the wrong way

213 replies

cakes90 · 13/12/2021 23:05

I went to a meetup group tonight and was having a laugh with a few people I just met. There was a running joke about some of the fake profiles on meetup. I said to one guy as a joke I thought he may have been a fake profile before he came to the event - this is a joke and I never thought that at all. He got really cagey and said there was nothing wrong with his profile. I apologised as I didn't mean anything. I didn't realise he would be offended. There is no way I would want to upset or offend someone.

The atmosphere was tense then, as it was near the end of the night he said he isn't stopping out as he is tired, he looked at me and said 'nothing to do with the company'. Now, before this incident he said he was tired anyway. A long time friend said as soon as I said the joke she could see how someone would take it the wrong way and you have to be careful with people you don't know and have just met. I was a member of the group for 3 years and have left it. I have not had anyone fall out like this in the years I have been going to meetup.

Looking back over this night it seemed like these people were quite socially awkward. I wish I had not gone now and waited for the next event when my long time friends would have gone as they are not like this and would have laughed. Was it bad I tried to joke?

OP posts:
Draggondragon · 14/12/2021 00:18

OK so we really need to know what a meet up group is. My igagination is running riot. I picture a group along the lines of toddler group in a fusty church hall. We arrive and take off our coats. Then have a song and some activities, the leader has a guitar. Stop for a cup of tea and a biscuit then more activities. A bit of free social time then time to sing the goodbye song and get our coats.

Talipesmum · 14/12/2021 00:21

You’re making far too much of it. “Joke” fell flat - it happens. Don’t stop going if you’ve been going there for years - that’s hugely disproportionate. Just go along as normal and be normal and nice, show that you’re ok really and be just polite and straightforward to this guy if he comes back. Silly to run off and hide.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/12/2021 00:22

Meet Up is an online platform where users can create “groups” centred around hobbies and interests or just wanting to make new friends. Most of these groups also have physical social meet ups.

PinkWednesdays · 14/12/2021 00:24

I’m confused as to what the joke was?

Staryflight445 · 14/12/2021 00:25

Such personal ‘jokes’ aren’t funny when you don’t really know someone.

You say he sounds paranoid now, I’m not surprised? You’ve singled him out, there must be a reason for that.

Staryflight445 · 14/12/2021 00:26

When you make such personal comments aiming to be funny and fall flat, you need to find the confidence to accept you were wrong and move on. Not run away/ judge the group of people even more.

Let yourself learn from the mistake.

Enough4me · 14/12/2021 00:30

Perhaps next time there's a running joke rather than focus on someone you don't know, focus on someone who you know will find it fun. If someone said that to me I'd say yes half of it's fake and you have to work out what parts, but I have friends who wouldn't get your joke.

Musicalmaestro · 14/12/2021 00:31

I just want to commiserate OP as I could really see myself in the same situation.

TwoPaperAirplanes · 14/12/2021 00:33

I went on a tinder date once and the person told me they thought I was a "bot"

Obviously I wasn't

I wasn't offended though, one apology was enough. We live in a world of catfish

bratzybaby · 14/12/2021 00:42

I said to one guy as a joke I thought he may have been a fake profile before he came to the event - this is a joke and I never thought that at all.

You said a joke to someone you don't know about something you didn't even think was true anyway? Not sure if that was meant to be some sort of icebreaker but that's weird

bratzybaby · 14/12/2021 00:44

His profile doesn't even look fake so it does not make sense

So then what was the point in saying it?
I'm so confused😂 feel like I must be missing something here

user478932071 · 14/12/2021 00:51

What’s the point of making these jokes really? Why try and bring someone down? Be better and work on your sense of humour, people shouldn’t be the butt of your jokes. You don’t know them, their mental health etc. It sounds like singling someone out that you have judged while looking at profiles, maybe don’t judge people by their profiles so much @cakes90 and get to know them and be nice.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 14/12/2021 00:52

I wouldn’t have taken offence at your lighthearted remark, OP. But I have learnt to be very cautious about joking with strangers. Some people are very prickly. You don’t know how people are going to react.

Don’t beat yourself up about this, though. I wouldn’t leave the group over this. Write it off to experience, and enjoy the next meeting with your friends.

user478932071 · 14/12/2021 00:53

Then instead of seeing how you hurt someone you labelled them as socially awkward 👍

Bussinbussin · 14/12/2021 00:54

@HeddaGarbled

So you upset someone but it’s their fault for being “paranoid” and you won’t go back to the group because of “too much aggro”?

A more mature response would be to reflect on the fact that your flippancy has upset someone and think about how you could be kinder in future.

That's my reaction too, fair enough you made a mistake and your attempt at humour came out wrong, but you seem to be making excuses for yourself and not showing any real empathy for the guy.

You've been going for years, you know people and are probably quite comfortable. Remember what it was like to be brand new to a group like this - way out of your comfort zone, feeling quite awkward and self conscious.

Whether you'd directed it at this person or not, the whole idea of a group of 'old hands' scanning the room and talking suspiciously about newcomers creates an us and them vibe and makes newcomers feel unwelcome.

Social skills 101: be warm and welcoming towards people. Look for, and compliment positive things. Try to find common ground.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 14/12/2021 00:56

It's meetup.com - groups you can join that have a theme - it's in-person meetings. Groups of people.

It can be really niche. Anyone can create one. People can join the group and then attend the functions.

user478932071 · 14/12/2021 00:57

[quote cakes90]@Frazzledmummy123 Thank you for your kind words. We all ended up leaving at the same time anyway. I did apologise so I suppose I will have to put it down to experience. If I go back I will avoid him as I can't be walking on eggshells all the time with people in fear of saying something wrong.[/quote]
Nope just don’t make jokes about people, pretty simple really

Chloemol · 14/12/2021 01:04

Yes you were rude

And the nasty comments in your post don’t do you any favours either

TreadLightly3 · 14/12/2021 01:28

I think he was overly sensitive and enjoyed playing the victim card by pretending he was leaving cause of you when actually he was leaving anyway. Don’t let his fragility get to you - you apologised and you didn’t say anything offensive anyway IMHO

Kuachui · 14/12/2021 01:33

i would have taken it as you calling me good looking :S as in so attractive it must be a fake profile

MistySkiesAfterRain · 14/12/2021 01:46

Oh bless him. Guys have a really hard time with getting ghosted online so I do feel sorry for him and I think you dented his pride. Honestly I would have apologised at a later date and moved on.

ViceLikeBlip · 14/12/2021 01:51

I don't understand why so many people on here are so shocked that someone can misjudge a joke! To be fair, in my experience, "banter" type jokes often don't got down well. But I mostly know that FROM EXPERIENCE.

Don't overthink it OP. You misjudged, but I think quite a lot of people would have politely laughed anyway. This guy didn't, so you apologised. Pretty much every single person will have done this at some point 🤷‍♀️

MintJulia · 14/12/2021 02:02

Also remember that people go to meet-up groups to try to build friendships and that can mean some people are less confident than normal or have had a bit of a rough ride recently or are new to the area. They are overflowing with confidence.
Just apologise next time you see him, and move on.

Aprilx · 14/12/2021 02:03

I don’t see how there can be a running joke between you and people you have just met. You made a joke about essentially the appearance of a stranger, of course you should not have done that. I don’t see how you making an il judged joke leads you to the conclusion that the recipient must be socially awkward either.

So the answer to your question is yes you were wrong to do that. I guess we have all said things we regret and this should be one of yours. But you can’t unsay it, you don’t need to leave the group because of it, but you should also stop blaming it on others.

NotAshamedToFancyTheGrinch · 14/12/2021 02:13

Looking back over this night it seemed like these people were quite socially awkward

You sound like the most socially awkward one here.

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