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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not wanting to use a dummy with DC?

221 replies

21dolly · 01/12/2021 07:57

I never used a dummy with DD because I didn't see any reason too. She had a bit of reflux when she was a baby but that settled quite quickly with gripe water and so on.
DP always wanted to use a dummy as he said 'that's just what you do with babies.'
We always had comments from his side of the family like 'why doesn't she have a dummy' and blah blah blah.

I'm currently pregnant again and DP is ADAMANT he wants this baby to have a dummy. I personally don't see the obsession with a dummy as some babies are able to be soothed without one (no judgment for parents who choose to use dummies btw and I'd definitely use one if I felt it would help DC!)

I really don't understand the dummy thing and why he's pushing for it so much without DC even being born yet. I'm not sure what I'm actually asking but I just thought I'd come on MN to hear opinions and see if I'm missing something here!

OP posts:
steelseries · 01/12/2021 08:02

We didn't only use one for the soothing aspect, it was because the HV said something about dummies preventing SIDS (strengthening throat muscles or something).

gogohm · 01/12/2021 08:03

Personally I didn't but I breastfed and they mostly attached to me at that stageGrin

Binjob118 · 01/12/2021 08:04

I don't understand why people use dummies. 5 kids, never used. They have been linked to teeth problems and speech delay. I don't see it as a normal part of baby's development but used by some just to keep baby quiet.

Xmassprout · 01/12/2021 08:05

Never used one with either child, I prefer not to use one if it isn't really needed but wouldn't have any qualms about using one if needed. I personally wouldn't jump straight to using one.

ImFree2doasiwant · 01/12/2021 08:05

Yanbu. I didn't with dc1, but I did actually regret that choice! I did with dc2, for sleep, and sometimes for car journeys. It helped a lot

ImFree2doasiwant · 01/12/2021 08:07

The child needn't have the dummy permanently in its mouth.

Ds2 had really bad silent reflux and as a (by then) single parent, it helped helped lot when I had 2 under 2

cruffin · 01/12/2021 08:08

My baby had horrendous colic and the dummy soothed her. She is one now and only has it for sleep. I also can't stand it when you see toddlers walking round with them in their mouths for no proper reason.

FoxIvy · 01/12/2021 08:09

I wish mine had taken them - I think it would have helped with naps and sleep, rather than needing to breastfeed all the time. Just be aware it's very different having a second child when you're also trying to look after a toddler. I'd keep an open mind. It won't affect speech or teeth if you are strict on limiting it's use. Seeing toddlers with a dummy in during the day time isn't great and a totally different kettle of fish.

Immaculatemisconception · 01/12/2021 08:10

I hate dummies.

CloudyStorms · 01/12/2021 08:11

Dummies under 1 are meant to reduce the SIDS risk I think. But my little one kept refusing it.

LadyGAgain · 01/12/2021 08:12

We didn't use dummies though we now have thumb suckers...
I don't like seeing toddlers (or older) walking around with dummies.

Pegasussnail · 01/12/2021 08:12

I didn't use dummies. Just didn't want to. They fall out and you've to keep putting them back in. I was worried about speech issues.

Hunderland · 01/12/2021 08:14

Never used them, partly because of stories re teeth - and then dentist always used to ask if DC2 used one Confused

bringbacksummernow · 01/12/2021 08:16

Dummies seem to be such a controversial issue and people are really judgy about them.
Why don't you just wait and see if your baby needs one?
My first settled fine without one. Second cried a lot unless she was sucking and she didn't need feeding every time she cried so a dummy helped massively. She had no teeth issues or speech delays when she stopped using it at 2 and half.

MissDollyMix · 01/12/2021 08:17

It’s your baby so up to you. Anecdotally my DC both had dummies well past 3 with no teeth or speech issues at all.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 01/12/2021 08:18

I never used one with any of my dc.

My first memories are of having my dummy taken off me as a child (I must have been 3 or 4ish) and I can remember how distressing it was so I've just never done it.

It is weird that your dp is so insistent about it when the baby isn't even here yet, so there's no actual reason for it

Treacletartandcustard · 01/12/2021 08:19

My Dh is the same, @21dolly, I don’t understand it. He seems to think that the dummy is a necessity like a nappy! As a result, we have a dummy-obsessed almost 12 month old.

HeyDugeesCakeBadge · 01/12/2021 08:19

Both of mine refused dummies. They were breastfed so usually just attached to me - it wasn't for a lack of trying either as I thought it would help with sleep.

junebirthdaygirl · 01/12/2021 08:20

Never used them with my 3 but l was breastfeeding and l was their dummy as they fed every 2 hours day and night which, looking back, wasn't ideal. But l had seen children start Primary school still using dummies at night so had an absolute horror of not being able to get them off them. I would definitely aim not to have one but if baby ends up being hard to settle not being completely dogmatic about it.

hotmeatymilk · 01/12/2021 08:20

He’s adamant, is he? How does that work? While parenting is about compromise between both parents’ views I don’t think there is one here: it’s either/or.

Fridaysgirl17 · 01/12/2021 08:22

I used dummies with my first,I only bought 2 just as an in case kind of thing & it was a good thing I did,he was born at 34 weeks only 4 pound & his suck was underdeveloped so he was tube fed for almost 2 weeks,the dummy really helped him strengthen up his suck for his bottles,it was recommended by our NICU nurse,baby 2 used them for about a week he was also a preemie at 36 weeks but he was much bigger & stronger,so once he didn't want them that was fine just stopped

swimdrum · 01/12/2021 08:22

DS1 had a dummy while he was tube fed to help prevent oral aversion. They also help babies who are on CPAP because it helps to make a good seal. I took his dummy away once he started breastfeeding and he did not notice. DS2 was born healthy so he never had one.

Treacletartandcustard · 01/12/2021 08:22

To be fair there is some research about dummies helping reduce SIDS, which I think Dh read.

Bonnealle · 01/12/2021 08:24

Maybe it’s not about the dummy? Lots of people do use one, lots don’t - it’s not really controversial. Does he feel involved as a parent, maybe he’s trying to feel included in the child’s parenting and this is how it’s manifesting? It seems an odd thing to get obsessed over (either for it against) that’s all!

Iggly · 01/12/2021 08:24

I was anti dummy and that was made easier because ds didn’t seem bothered (I tried one out of desperation).

Dd however was another matter. She was surgically attached to that thing and I was grateful as it gave huge comfort when my boobs had enough 😂

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