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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not wanting to use a dummy with DC?

221 replies

21dolly · 01/12/2021 07:57

I never used a dummy with DD because I didn't see any reason too. She had a bit of reflux when she was a baby but that settled quite quickly with gripe water and so on.
DP always wanted to use a dummy as he said 'that's just what you do with babies.'
We always had comments from his side of the family like 'why doesn't she have a dummy' and blah blah blah.

I'm currently pregnant again and DP is ADAMANT he wants this baby to have a dummy. I personally don't see the obsession with a dummy as some babies are able to be soothed without one (no judgment for parents who choose to use dummies btw and I'd definitely use one if I felt it would help DC!)

I really don't understand the dummy thing and why he's pushing for it so much without DC even being born yet. I'm not sure what I'm actually asking but I just thought I'd come on MN to hear opinions and see if I'm missing something here!

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 01/12/2021 09:23

With DC2 I breastfed in the early weeks and they were either attached to me or the dummy in between feeds

stingofthebutterfly · 01/12/2021 09:25

My bottle fed babies had dummies, my breastfed babies all refused. My eldest had a dummy until she was 4. I have to say that its been fine without a dummy and I wouldn't make a rod for your own back, unless your baby really struggles to settle. Play it by ear.

Notajogger · 01/12/2021 09:29

Our dentist always told us to avoid dummies.
I know a 4 year old who still uses one which personally I would hate!

MaryShelley1818 · 01/12/2021 09:30

I really wish DD had a dummy but she's refused point blank to entertain it, if only for the fact they reduce the risk of SIDS, that's reason enough.
DS had one, as he got older it had to stay under his pillow - he used it to get to sleep then use to remove it.
No reason for them to affect speech or teeth if used appropriately and helps baby to sooth themselves.

RedwineforSantaplease · 01/12/2021 09:30

DS refused one but DD loved hers and it settled her really well which frankly was better than listening to hours of screaming. It went to naps and night sleep at about 8 months and we ditched it at 2yo. All fine.

LakeShoreD · 01/12/2021 09:33

Mine have both been great sleepers but absolutely needed the comfort of sucking to get to sleep, and soothe themselves back to sleep should they stir. I didn’t give my first a dummy and she sucks her thumb, only at bedtime now she’s 4 but I can already tell we’ll be spending a lot at the orthodontist. So I gave my second a dummy to avoid the thumb. He only has it for sleeping and sometimes in the car on long journeys. I totally agree that it’s horrid seeing toddlers walking around with them in but there’s absolutely no need to do that.

colourfulpuddles · 01/12/2021 09:33

YANBU. People give babies dummies to shut them up and all they do is mask what the real issue is, affect their speech development and ruin their teeth.

But we were EBF so I was all the comfort my baby needed and I didn’t want to shove a dummy in her mouth just so I could put her down and bugger off.

Aspidistra1 · 01/12/2021 09:34

I don’t think you need to worry about speech or teeth for a teeny tiny baby. The missing out argument is clearly a bit bizarre though!

We hadn’t really made plans either way but DS was poorly and nil by mouth and so they suggested we get one on NICU. Had to sign a consent form for it which I thought was bizarre given everything else they did to him! It really did help and give him a lot of comfort and I was able to breastfeed him until he was over 2. Once he was over 6 months he was only really using it for sleep and then we gave it up when he started lobbing it out of the cot at 9 months and we’d have to get up to replace it. Getting rid wasn’t too traumatic and I really do think it gave him a lot of comfort as a baby. So don’t panic if you do find you need it. But you might not.

Maybe he wants it as having something to try and offer when baby is upset? A plan for something to do. Especially if you’re planning to breastfeed and he obviously won’t be able to.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/12/2021 09:35

Some of mine did, some didn't and like a pp I now have an adult clothes chewer/sucker and an adult thumb sucker.

Liervik · 01/12/2021 09:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

LankylegsFromOz · 01/12/2021 09:41

I tend to think babies choose dummies not the other way round. DS1 used a dummy and it was a godsend given we live in Australia and have to fly long haul to UK. With DD... she wouldn't have a bar of it! She used her thumb though unfortunately and it was 10 times harder than the dummy to stop using.

PinkFing · 01/12/2021 09:41

I don’t get why people get so judgey about them. I’ve bought a couple and will use them if I need to

StrawberrySanta · 01/12/2021 09:41

My DC1 had a dummy just for sleeping, didn't let him have it during the day apart from naps, it was a good tool to indicate when it was was time to go to sleep
He had it until 2 then just didn't ask for it one night, so I didn't offer it again. He only asked once I said I couldn't find it. That was that, never mentioned again. Happy days.
DC2 on the other hand, will not take a dummy and I wish he would. He's 11 months and his sleep isn't great, whereas his brother slept through from being tiny. I wish he took a dummy as I feel it may help him stay asleep. But that's just in my experience. I also realise I was lucky that DC1 gave it up so easily

Hoviscats · 01/12/2021 09:42

@colourfulpuddles what a nasty toned response! Nothing like a lovely bit of judgement to start the day 🙄

Both mine had dummies and neither had speech delays or have bad teeth. I also am pretty sure I comforted them, carried them around endlessly when they needed it and didn't just abandon them to the dummy.

OP - I would just wait and see. My first loved his dummy when I gave it to him at about 6 weeks but happily ditched it at 2 years old having only had it for night times for quite a while.

My second didn't want one but we persevered on advice of a hospital consultant as he had some issues that he was under hospital care for and he had one from about 6 months. He also happily gave it up of his own accord at 2 years old.

The main thing (as with most things) is to do what you are happy with and not what any one else (excluding qualified professionals obviously) tells you is the right or wrong thing to do!

hotmeatymilk · 01/12/2021 09:43

If he wants the baby to have a dummy, what's stopping him giving the baby a dummy?
The OP, if she doesn’t want one? She actually sounds neutral on it, but I don’t think a parent can unilaterally give a baby a dummy without the other parent’s wholehearted agreement. I’d have murdered DP.

Softwonder · 01/12/2021 09:44

I hate dummies and am a snob about it.

Iamnotminterested · 01/12/2021 09:44

@colourfulpuddles

Bold claims Hmm Dummies do not affect teeth development, thumb sucking does, and try taking a child's thumb away from them.

FWIW, all of mine had them to help them settle, did not 'walk around with it hanging out of their mouths' as some posters have said, all talked early and all have beautiful straight teeth.

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 01/12/2021 09:45

Babies love dummies and used sensibly they are a harmless comfort object. I don’t see a single good reason not to use one ( teeth and speech issues are linked to overuse of dummies). It’s usually pure snobbery.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/12/2021 09:46

I was always very anti them until dd2 had classic 3 months colic - it was the only thing that seemed to give her any relief.

She used it for years and I don’t necessarily believe that stuff about damaging teeth - hers were always perfect.

In one way it was a godsend - if she had her dummy and bit of blanket she’d go to sleep anywhere, no fuss.

And at least you can take a dummy away, which is more than you can do with a thumb - dd1 sucked hers from birth and didn’t stop until after she’d learned to drive!

I’m old enough to remember when disapproval of dummies was very much a snob thing - they were considered very ‘lower class’.

EnidFrighten · 01/12/2021 09:48

I don't like how they look. However I would happily have used one with DD but she wouldn't take to it so we had all those endless nights of screaming instead

I think your DH is being odd for insisting on one. If you have a baby that cries a lot and it's the only thing that works, use one. If your baby is fine without, why bother? It's another thing to wash and lose etc.

TwoShades1 · 01/12/2021 09:49

I tried to use one and she just wouldn’t take it! She does however stuff a large chunk of hand knitted blanket in her mouth to sooth herself. Weird child.

maofteens · 01/12/2021 09:50

I think they are gross. Never used them and definitely think if you do they should not be after one year old.
But I can't recall anyone suggesting I should use them either.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 01/12/2021 09:51

We offered with both of them, neither of them liked it and used to spit it out.

It really depends on the child not what Dad wants.

Babynames2 · 01/12/2021 09:53

I really wish DD had a dummy but she's refused point blank to entertain it, if only for the fact they reduce the risk of SIDS, that's reason enough

The research on SIDS and dummies suggests that dummies help to reduce SIDS for babies who usually have one, in that they’re more at risk when not using the dummy. There’s no difference in risk for babies who have never had a dummy.

Iamnotminterested · 01/12/2021 09:56

@ItMustBeBedtimeSurely

Exactly, pure snobbe

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